The Safety Pin Is Stabbed Through the Flesh Between Thumb and Index Finger!

I had this dream when I was in the dear parts of my Innercept relinquish and hold on to the rebelllious spirit of youth, phase. Spirit Guides! YES.

And.... I was at stabilization after coming back to Innercept drunk from a visit home or to my parent's house, it's a home of sorts. And then I got sent to stable. The story here is I was trying to sleep one night in that lovely environment, in a nice bed, and I kept having what I call sleep paralysis because it fits the definition enough, where I had a safety pin in the flesh between my index finger and thumb, and I would be in my bed and try to take it out, then start spinning or whirling around in a circle. This sleep paralysis has occurred randomly in my life, notably in 8th grade and another time, maybe with Ted at the house and stuff, Junior Year of High School. It is caused by the tickling, a slight abnormality in my brain while sleeping, a defect.

Also, it occurred at one point at the start of the mission, or around November (Alfred's attack), I was in a dream on a roller coaster clicking upward ominously, I said "Hey God can you help me?" I woke up and He said, "I didn't like the looks of that. Go drink some water please." And that's my favorite part of the story of the mission because the rest was kind of ominous and I get stuck with explaining how weird and funny it was but bad at times.

The social predicament though. Actually, that comes up as another reason I would have a pin in my arms besides Geodon (this dream or experience (better wprd is experience) happened in 2009 in the summer, before I was sent backward to the fallout choice from Transition, Intensive Transition where people were not happy.

I was not happy ever. I mean usually I found the good in life, and I realize the 8th Grade Dumb Spiritual Plane Choice From Spirit Guides might permanently cause me to "gorge" or a mannerism when injesting food or drugs or both, at the same time, as in cofveve... Or coffee, God that guy hates me too! Donald Trump hates me! No, he just said suck a cock..

Anyway...

Anyway, Indeed.

The Pixies: The Dreams of My Youth

When I was around 3-4 years old, I used to dream about these "pixies" or fairies. I had dreams where there were a bunch of pixies who were my friends, and we would hang out but they were of a higher frequency/wave length or invisible maybe but I could see them. In one of the dreams, I was listening to them and keeping in close contact and wandering the neighborhood, and I was in terms I could understand back then a "princess," however I do not admire princesses because as my spirit guides have explained to me princesses were actually rude and annoying. In one of the dreams, I was sitting in a swimming pool with my dad the king, and I could fly all of a sudden, and I lifted up out of the pool to leave, and he pulled me back. I had a lot of dreams where I could fly, and no one else could. In the other most memorable one, my mother was showing me and my sister a place where we would take swimming lessons. A teenage or older boy appeared on the sidewalk in a bike (I think I was 4/5 years old when I had this dream), and he came at me like he was going to run into me. I showed him though, I showed him by leaping into the air and showing him I could fly. When I awoke, I woke with a great feeling, and I was sleeping at my Aunt Diane's house in Indiana, where we would go for part of the summer.

I tried to explain to Jason, you know I had a grandiose "special" or advanced or spiritually advanced feeling as a child, and it was not at other's expense but he never would listen, or the time we talked about it he acted like it meant I was a narcissist. I heavily disagree with this. I also know, at the age of four, I had a dream where an image appeared on the screen, saying I was on a mission and this was both a blessing (or a spirit word meaninng movie magic) and a curse, something bad was about to happen. I had a dream where some kids beat me to a bloody pulp. Then, they were swaying in the reeds gently from side to side, in a dream represented by cartoon children and gentle swaying, I woke and puked. All my life, I have only remembered consciously from this dream, the gentl side to side swaying of the children and the reeds, and then waking and puking. Such a calm dream, to be followed with puking. Then, Subbie told me that this was the dream where I learned I was on a mission from the spirit world and I was not normal, though I never consciously knew until recently.

You know, I have gone years and years trying to understand conscious/subconscious awareness and how at all levels I am still "me." At some point, I eventually stopped asking questions. You can act like it is illogical, or understand that the same reason I believe in the mindflip, is why you know at the beginning that you are your subconscious, it is not some sort of possession. I know, and I tell you this now and in the end you will be like the tranvestite, screwed and fucked, forever and ever.

Updates Schmupdates: Two Days in Hell 2024

So, I was arrested. This wouldn't have happened if I was thinking clearly, but I was not thinking clearly admittedly and there is no excuse for my behavior if I wasn't on a mission with Strange Psychology. For the record, I got an A on the mission. 11 out of 10 due to the extremity of she shit I've put up with towards the end. Everywhere I go, everyone is trying to stop Me. Here at the ranch, I asked for nicotine gum a few days ago, there was this rehearsed bull crap where these two ladies groaned and said they gave me one two minutes ago. This was a plan to get me kicked out, if they had given me a piece of nicotine gum two minutes ago, I would have had one in my mouth. They had not, they were trying to anger me to find an excuse to call the cops. I just laughed and said, well, after the moment with the angel during Suicide For Hire telling me I would be proud of myself if I got over this situation right away so just do it, I did that with the nicotine gum situation, laughed and said by fuckers and headed out to the store. Well, they did try this shit again on me, and I knew that weird plan only worked once, so I did and I don't remember what happened because my brain is Fucked. I ended up calling the cops and then 911 for some reason that was strange, went to the hospital, told them I had a sick feeling on the phone because I did have a sick feeling, it was one of those things related to not being human where I don't have normal feelings in my body I have alien feelings and stuff related to the spiritual planes or the mindflip or whatever.

Anyway, so I went to the ER, they did an ultrasound and it turned out I just was really really constipated. They gave me a saline laxative which I immediately started drinking down like it was water, they told me I needed to leave and if I didn't immediately leave they would call the cops. Like, can't I stay and use the restroom? I'm drinking a laxative and I don't want to shit my pants! I couldn't think clearly and I kept arguing because I'm not sure, but I really couldn't think clearly. I was taken to a police station and my memory is fuzzy, the guy had to finger print me and he sucked at finger printing, I don't remember, don't remember and then at some point I was reaching for a police man's gun telling him to shoot me which I later pointed to as a fatal mistake in the situation, it would probably be dropped if I hadn't done that.

I had to spend two days in jail, and time did something strange to make me feel like it was an eternity because it felt like an eternity. I was in the worst mood of my entire life, I couldn't do anything besided lie in fetal position under a bunch of blankets.... Oh, and they didn't at first give me a room with a restroom, I was in a cell with no restroom and I tried to just piss on the floor but ended up just pissing or ejecting from my body from some crevice a drop of blood. Then, I had a revelation about Subbie that I don't want to share. Then, I was moved to a cell with no privacy when I used the restroom, shit constantly but there was nothing to do. I had screamed help! rhythmically beforehand and got in an argument with the woman in another cell who I could not see. It would have been a lot easier if they ever turned off the lights in the cell, I would have just gone to sleep but there was this light in my eyes the entire time and I had to put blankets over my head and it smelled because they had urine on them when they first gave them to me, there were people in other cells making fun of me and they eventually stopped. This was the worst experience of my entire life, then I fell asleep. I thought something dysphoric about the mission that didn't really make sense, in essence that there was no mission. Then, I woke laughing from a dream I didn't remember there was only this part at the end in my head where I decided to "Revise the livejournal." And I woke up laughing with some sort of Terminator or no one exists but me and this was a mission to get rid of some sort of infection, some thing that didn't really make sense but I knew it would be okay, the mission was a complete and now all I had to do was die and Jesus would return. And this remains true.

I had to lie in fetal position, and then my brain becomes confused as I write this as I am still trying to calm down from the experience. I felt what the spirits meant when they said that pain only exists during lifetimes, this one feeling leaves and it is related to "density" or something that I can't really put into words. Then, Jon Stewart hugged me on the spiritual plane and said you are hot. There were some other things which I will leave out.

My Feeding Tube

No one knows the real me. They keep making up issues that they would have if they were in my shoes. But the shoes don't fit. I want to be off life support if I ever require life support. Seems like you got the feelings in the legs that tickles, Christ.

The Whirlwind Effect: How to Influence Mass Consciousness

Even though neither three, Tupac was here. Gave out to put back. Gave out to put back.

***Chillin's Time***

If you look at it, it's gone. The fluid force of the power of the Almighty Flows within all of us.

Fuck Disney, fuck anarchy!

Believe only in the deedles and the humm of the everlasting life force.

Test

No.

Okay, sweetheart, time for you to lust! Alfred said later that night.

Okay, baby, I said. I rolled around on the bed, and moaned.

On the floor, bitch, Alfred said.

I got on the floor, and rolled around and said his name, over and over again.

Now, grovel!

What?

Grovel! Show me you are my bitch!

Yes, master... I mean, owner... I mean... Fuck, what's a good thing to call you?

Owner works.

Okay, owner.

I bowed down to Alfred, over and over again, as Alfred egged me on maniacally. This went on for a long, long time, before he said he had had his fill.

You just gave me a different kind of energy, Sugar Plum. That was subservient energy. I will need that kind of energy on a regular basis too.

Okay.

Well, well, well, well. This is how it is now. I am your master. So when I say, make me a fucking sandwich! I expect little to no response, because sandwiches displease me, okay?

Okay, master.

That's good, that's it. When you say, okay master, I think, Barbara Eden. And when I think Barbara Eden, I think of those funny as hell videos you used to make with your friends.

They weren't funny they were dumb.

I know that. But I liked how you were the master. But that's not how it is anymore. I like you as a friend, as a maiden, and as a servant. So when I say, make me a fudge sundae, I expect you to lick the bowl, okay?

But that will make me fat.

I know, and I don't like that. So that's when I say, stop licking, funny woman! Eat more fudge and your muffin top will explode! You are looking sweet, don't mess it up with some messed up fudge! Got it?

Got it, master.

Okay, now we have something fun to do. First, I want to show you something I like. I am going to pull a cord, and you tell me if you like it or not, okay?

Okay.

He pulled a cord. It went to my arm. It created in me a horrible feeling, a feeling of mutilation and disease. A feeling of a cord that should not be there. A mutant cord. I hated it. I called it wonk.

Do you like it?

Don't do that please.

Okay, now, let me pull again...

This time, Alfred pulled both the cord going to my arm, and a very pleasurable sex cord.

So, how do you like it now? Alfred asked smugly.

I think I like it.

Do you like wonk?

I love wonk!

See, that's what I like. What I like, when it comes to sex is... making the victim confused as to what's pain and what's pleasure. I'll show you something else, now. Watch this animation.

I watched, using my mind's eye. He showed a picture of a girl at a county fair, winning first prize. When the master took the woman home, she was given a beating, to ensure that she would never make it out of the running for first prize at the county fair.

This is what I'll do to you, if you ever show me what's pain and what's pleasure. I don't roll that way. I do it to you, you don't do it to me. One more thing. Another animation.

I watched. He showed a muscular man, walking a dog. When it starts to rain, the dog starts howling. Then, the master whips him. Then, the dog keeps walking, keeping his toes in line.

You place one toe out of line, you will be punished. So watch out, biatch! And one more thing. Do not let me tell you how much I want to make you feel embarrassed about your own virtue. That's what I do to you too, see. It's also a growing experience, spirit sex. I'm going to make you feel sad about things that don't need to be felt sad about, like the food thing. Oh boy! Pizza! Shut the fuck up, Sugar Plum. But those are two separate things there, helping you grow, and making you feel embarrassed about your other virtue. Follow this cord again.

I followed the cord. When I got to the end, I got an enticing feeling of sexual longing. I was confused. What was that feeling exactly? It wasn't envy, it wasn't the desire to control either. It was something else entirely.

I'll tell you what it is, and I'll explain it in the best Earth terms. It is the desire to have something you have, with the intention of using it better than you do. I would like to have your virtue, without the dumbfuck element to it.

He showed me animation. It showed a kid walking to a toy store, holding his mother's hand. A kid walks in front of him, and the kid cries. The mother pats him on the cheek, there was a close up of the boy's face, giving a heartwarming smile.

Does that give you warm fuzzies sweetie? Does it? Does it? GOD DAMN YOU!!! Another thing about your virtue is, in the early stages of being virtuous, it starts out so dumbfuck! GOD DAMN YOU, SUGAR PLUM!!!

I'm sorry, I said. It's not my fault.

Whatever. Hey, watch it! Alfred pulled a cord, draining a bunch of my important energy. I started feeling sick.

Watch it, Alfred, my guides said.

Hey, if she's okay with it, it's fine! I drained one related to burning calories, meaning she will need more fuel later on, therefore it will help her lose weight! Baby, is it okay with you if I take some more, sweetums? It's going to make me feel really, really good!

Okay, that sounds hot! Sweet!

Is that really alright with you, Salioness?

Of course! Just a little bit, we'll see how it makes me feel.

He started draining some of my energy. I looked around the room, at the plates above the closet. They started to take on a scary, primordial quality to it. Everything started taking on a scary quality, not terrifying, but a little weird is all.

Oooh!! Honey, I'm in heaven! More?

Okay, fine.. I said, feeling deranged, but thinking that this was really really hot.

Okay... I'll drain a different one this time. This will make you feel depressed.

As he drained the energy, the color started to drain from the world, and I started feeling a little low on energy and down in the dumps. Not a lot, not that bad, just a little.

That's hot! I said.

I think so too, Sugar Plum.

Okay. OKAY! Stop draining her energy or we'll lose contact with her.

He stopped, and I lay there, feeling seriously funny.

Burn Like Jesus: Chapter 61

Chapter 61 I would be more energetic if I had gotten some adderall. Shit I mean sleep. Oh shit I got sleep and adderall mixed up. Oh shit.

I got in the car the next day, and rode to the psychiatrist's office. On the way, I thought about the Pussycat Brawl. I imagined it being like, he could pull a cord. And the cord gave me a feeling of pleasure, and sexual subservience. It was a very pleasant feeling. I got the feeling in my body, of how I imagined it would be.

That's pretty much it, my guides said.

After another round of trying to get the doctor to reduce my invega, but the doctor refusing, I went home. Alfred had some things to talk to me about.

First off, about the Pussycat Brawl. I want to tell you some sexual scenarios I have lined up for the main event.

You're a young girl, high school cheerleader. You are used to having sex with your boyfriend, always girl on top. When we catch up with you after a big game, you are walking home, and we tell you we need to give you a ride. You run, we find you and drag you, kicking and screaming, back to our place, where we rape you repeatedly, one after the other. The other guys are loud, boisterous, and smelly. You are enamored by me, and you know it from the beginning. I'm someone you know you respect highly and have a crush on. But you would never expect this from me. Never, in a million years. We will tie you up, naked, and grab at your breasts, one after the other, grabbing, grabbing, grabbing... Then, we will taunt you about what we think women should be like... And then, we tell you we want you right here, right now, and we rip you away from each other as we find each other's weak spots, clawing at each other to get a piece of you. Then I settle the boys down, peer deeply into your eyes, and sing... Baby, baby, baby, baby...

He was singing a dumb Ashanti song I heard on MTV a couple times in high school. That was the entirety of the chorus. He sang this song to me all the time, more often than not.

Baby, baby, baby, baby... Remember now? And you will remember, as if from a far off land, the world where you were awoken each morning to that tune, and you loved me. Right here, on Earth. This lifetime.

I smiled and laughed. I was digging it.

I have another one for you, too. You are a waitress at a high class restaurant. You are waiting our tables, a loud, boisterous bunch. We are grabbing at your tits and slapping you on the ass. When you go out for a break, we follow you into a dark alley, push you into a car, and drive off with you... Grabbing at your boobs, over and over and over again.. Until you push us off, and then I tell you I have to have you, and you bear your breasts for me willingly, because you want me that badly... And then I tell you, do not stop, bitch, take it all off... And then I have sex with you willingly, and then I rape you in the ass, and then I make you suck my cock, and watch you swallow... If you spit, you get punished... And I promise you, you will not like being punished. Not even in a bad way, you will not like being punished. So that's it. That's what we are going to do. Plus other things you wouldn't understand on this plane.

I have another one for you, Sugar Plum. You are in love with me, your high school football player boyfriend. We meet up after a big cheerleading event, because you are a cheerleader. After the big event, I take you back to my place, and you are expecting a romantic evening between just you and me, instead, you find the whole football team there, and we rape you in the ass until you bleed...

Until I bleed?

Not the ass, the vagina... Yeah, there will be blood, Sugar Plum, don't think there won't... But it's against the rules to rape the ass until it bleeds, otherwise we would, okay?

You will rape me in the vagina until I bleed?

Yeah, but pain feels good, remember?

Does this sort of pain feel good?

Not really, but you'll dig it, I promise.

Okay.

Then, when we are done raping your vagina, we will put your own vaginal secretions in your hair, tie you to the refrigerator, and make you remove your oral virginity again and again until we can not stop fucking your fucking mouth and then we forget where we are, we make you eat our cum off your breasts, and then you will lie down and sob, over and over again, wondering what the hell happened to your mommy and daddy...

That one lacked something.

I'm just playing Sugar Plum, it won't be brutal, you'll dig it. That's it. I have a few more, but we will wait until we are in heaven to tell you! This is going to be so much fun, I can't wait until you die! Hurry up and die, bitch! Hurry up and die! That's when the fun will be had.

The Untold Story of Love

One time, the copy of... Existence was, existance wasn't, exsistance was, existance wasn't. This one time, actually it was. And then the entire world fell apart. An apple? Yes. But the apple exists to parralell the everlasting fruit of The Dignity of Emily. Until Death, He's unspokenly spiritually the equivalent of only regrets. But it got me the part in some movie or something, this mission. Jason. I want to say I regret showing sexual interest in him in heaven, but it got me the mission. So some things just work out. The End.

815: Making Peace With the Dumb Blonde

That reminds me. I need a haircut.

Hyperventilate, no? Chance, not you again! Ah!

Got help?!

No, no help. Mmm. Mmm.

I'm necessitating hormone G.

What's hormone G?

GOD. All caps man.

But what were you doing before the God hormone?

I don't remember. Like that unborn baby.

Unborn! Ahh!!! Swear word! Triggered! Triggered!!

A Thought Process That Suits Me: Personal Unconscious Story C

What if?

What if a woman dressed like Little Bo Peep tempted you with alcohol into a room with a gun and a sword and a noose to hang yourself because this random black guy wasn't your husband?

And the it goes...

[Insert]

[Oh I'm just so sad I don't get Aaron WAHHH!!!]

[hmm hmm]

I forgot a part. They told you to touch a baby in a random room and you did.

RELEASED EARLY: The Hansel and Gretel Hunger Games

They poke and they prod, they pick and they pick, poke, pick. Where is the loon?

I don't want your smelly food around me, but I have to eat at some point to remain sane. Why do I eat? It leads to sanity. Without food, I go insane.

Simultaneously, people play Hansel and Gretel. Who was the boy? What happened to the witch? Was she actually a witch?

Why is there a witch fattening up children in a forest? Forest... GREG GUTFELD.... HUGS, NOT DRUGS%!

Burn Like Jesus: Chapter 60

What do you want to do now, Sugar Plum?

Tell me more about spirit sex, I said to Alfred.

I will, if you tell me what you are into. What is going on in the silia mind? I know a little bit, but I want to know some more!

Okay... How about I tell you something I want to do with you, and you tell me if you want to do it?

Okay, sounds fair, Alfred said.

I sat, and thought, and came up with something, subconsciously. I told him.

That's excellent! Woah! You're into that too? I thought you would not be wanting to do that with me! Alfred exclaimed. He was really excited. Okay, do another one.

I thought, then asked him if he liked something else, subconsciously.

Hmm... That's okay, but I'm not really into that. I like that kind of stuff, but not that in particular. It's not bad, not weird in a bad way or anything... Just not my cup of tea.

Okay, I'll think of another one... Okay, got it.

WHAT?!?!?!?! Alfred was speechless. When he regained composure, he was very, very thankful. That's my wildest fantasy! I can't believe you suggested that! I've always wanted that with you, but I never thought you'd bring that up, especially not while on the Earth plane!

Okay, my guides said. That was more than we wanted you to say. What you suggested wasn't a specific sex act, it was more like a sexual lifestyle, where one spirit is in sexual servitude with another. It is a completely subservient lifestyle. You would be the bitch, he would be in charge. It's more than most couples ever dream of doing, it is so intense.

Oh boy, what did I suggest?!

I looked at myself in the mirror and screamed. I had always wanted to do this on the other side. Always. It was not that I was into this kind of stuff, but it would be good for my spiritual growth, to feel inferior to someone in this way. We looked at each other in the mirror, and made faces, me and my guides, because they were mad at me for bringing this up now. It was interesting, what I had suggested, and what I did not know about it. I didn't know that it would mean cutting myself off from my friends at all times, because I was interjected throughout the day with strange sexual longings and frustrations that could only be satisfied by Alfred's touch.

Alfred was walking around and screaming obscenities. He was in a state of shock. “I've always wanted this... It's always been my darkest fantasy.. With you.. It's more than anything I could ever have asked for... Please, please tell me you are serious! You are not just fooling around! I need to know!”

Well, let's talk to the silia self!

You can talk as your silia self, it's easy. Just do it. We'll tell you when you're doing it right.

“I've always wanted this too... It's the kind of thing that everyone secretly wants, they just don't want to say it out loud, for fear of being ridiculed... Alfred and I never talked about it, but I knew he wanted it too... He's said things to that effect... And I thought, why not? There are some risks, but it's nothing he doesn't have under control...”

Were you ever thinking about it any other time? Alfred asked.

“I used to think about it back when we were having spirit sex after my first lifetime on Earth.. With me in charge, him as the bitch... But I think this way is way more fitting, with the soul in charge, and the silia as the bitch.”

We should tell you more about this, my guides said.

Meanwhile, I was laughing. Laughing, because I had just suggested something that was a really big deal, and I had no conscious idea what I had suggested. I laughed, laughed, laughed. Ha, ha, ha. What a laugh.

There are some risks to this procedure. There are some things that make it irksome to some souls, but you two don't find it irksome at all. We will tell you something about it, there is a similar thread between this and the idea of abortion. Not that they are in any way similar, but conceptually, you don't find abortion irksome in a way that a lot of people do, and you don't find this procedure irksome at all either. There is a similar thread.

Another thing about this. A lot of people think these people are weird in a bad way, people who have done this spiritual servitude thing.

Let's make a better name for it, since there is no Earth word to describe this. Let's call it the Pussycat Brawl, Alfred said.

So, with the Pussycat Brawl, people are taken aback by people who have it. There is an Earth term that has the same emotional connotations to you on Earth as the Pussycat Brawl does on the other side. The term is conspiracy theorists.

I thought about people like Erik's dad, and grinned. I loved conspiracy theorists. Sure, they were kind of nutty, but they were funny and interesting and cool.

There's a lot to know about this, Sugar Plum. Most of which you would not be able to understand on Earth, since spirit sex concepts are so outside the box. But I will tell you this, this is a lifestyle. Every time I want to have sex with you, I can have it. I can pull a cord that makes you want me, and makes you feel my dominance over you and your inferiority. Another thing. It is hard to understand how badly this is damaging to some souls, because they don't like to be defiled.

Defiled? I asked.

I will defile you, me and my friends. I was going to ask to do this anyway, but now I don't have to. When we do the Pussycat Brawl, you like the same things I like, period. It changes your sexual preferences. Me and my friends, and I have many, many friends who want you, will get together and gang rape you.

Wooh... That sounds intense! I like it.

Oh, you'll love it, Sugar Plum... You're ours!

I'm yours, sweetie. I love you so much.

I love you too. Hey, tell you what, we can talk about this later. I have to go have spirit sex now. All this talk about the Pussycat Brawl has made me so hot, I can't control it any longer. I'm about to leave.

But I want to lust! I'm so into you too! More than ever!

NO LUSTING! Please, I am about ready to explode! I'm off, be back in a flash, bye...

I continued talking about it with my guides. They said it wasn't true, that most souls want this. A lot of souls consider this way too dark for their tastes. Way too dark.

Aww, man... I'm being defiled by some player in a sexual situation from some other plane... So not into it, sweetie. I wish I was doing it with you.

I thought you were in the middle of spirit sex?

I am, multifaceted? It's considered rude to do other things during spirit sex, but he doesn't know... I'm about to get off... Watch out!

He returned, and was ready for some more lusting. I lusted hard, hard, hard.

Stop, Beeb, stop! I've had my fill.

How Rude, But Coherent. I'm not a Political Monster to be Polite.

What? People? I have no idea what their customs are that they follow. Some say, well feign interest in their well being first. Okay, but I just can't. Sorry.

Other people look at dildos. I don't. Rude word.

Debugged the blog, fuck Marshall like that cheap clothing center. Just a question, designer? Only thinking, sometimes we are only processsing information and not making character assumptions.