The Unfriending Option

Dear Mark Zuckerberg,

Your Facebook product, while a fantastic idea, FAILS.

I enjoy your idea of keeping the people who unfriend you private. Your product, however, fails because it tells the user everytime someone unfriended them. If you were a smarter man, Mark Zuckerberg, you would realize that the people who are most bothered by this are the people who are not constantly writing you asking you to make changes in your design because they are the shy sullen types who aren't particularly assertive.

Wouldn't it be nice, if you didn't get notified when someone unfriends you? At least allow us the option of hiding the friend count. Why do you think we care so much about how many friends we have? Why don't we at least have the option of hiding the number? That is why I think you are socially inept, Mark Zuckerberg. There is this morbid fixation with how many friends you have!

The truth is, I have kind of a past on Facebook. In the past, I have not one, but TWO suicide attempts after being blocked on two different accounts from the same fucking guy on Facebook. It's a long story, I was delusional twice, he had a wonky romance cord to me which is powerful and made his opinion the ONLY PERSON in the entire world's who mattered. So from then on, the negative energy from two suicide continuously colors my Facebook experience. And turns it, from a fun time with friends, to a DARK WEBSITE OF DESPAIR. I hate your product, Mark Zuckerberg.

Anyway, it wasn't an issue be unfriended while I was at Innercept. It was the biggest non-issue in the entire world, when I noticed the friend count go down. It was only when I got home from Innercept and started pouring emotional energy into Facebook that I started getting a feeling reminscient of the blocking situation (obviously on a much smaller scale) everytime I noticed the friend count go down. It brings up that SAME EMOTIONAL ENERGY everytime I see it.

AND I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK if some piece of shit on my friend's list decides to unfriend me. BIG FUCKING WHOOP! And if I knew who it was every single time, it wouldn't be an issue either! However, we are not allowed to know. It could be anyone! See, Subbie knows who she likes on Facebook and also knows who she does not like. If Subbie hates someone, Conscie does not particularly care for them either. And it surprises me at times, when I look at the person's profile and see the Add Friend button after an unfriending, and breathe a sigh of relief because the unfriender in question was someone who Subbie believes to be a SOCIOPATH. So yeah, I know who you are, you liked a status and now you think you have some sort of emotional grip on me, I know who you are, so unfriend to be passive aggressive and it is just so funny. Anyway, I don't care when I look at your profile and it was someone Subbie hates, I very seldom give a fuck that someone unfriended me EVER when I KNOW WHO IT IS! And then, Subbie regales me with a funny story about them being a piece of shit.

And then I see people, who unfriend to be passive aggressive (the reason they do this is always the same, and I am not going to say the reason out loud). You have this little disgusting smirk on your face when I picture read you. And I wonder, WHY THE FUCK DO  YOU THINK I CARE, Ms. Video Lady? No, why do you think your opinion is important? And do you not know, the only reason I am ever unfriended nowadays is because someone wants to purposely hurt my feelings (barring a couple other reasons I'm not getting into).

Anyway, Mr. Fucking Facebook Creator, your product is shit. Is it some sort of request people have been giving you, that you are not allowed to hide the friend count? Have a bunch of SOCIOPATHS been writing you and telling you PLEASE OH PLEASE Mark Zuckerberg don't allow people the option to hide the god damn friend count? Because they want oh so bad for people to know when they were unfriended so that they feel bad, and their identity is protected. It is a sociopath's DREAM! You are a sociopath to me Mark Zuckerberg, and your furry furry head is so endearing too and I would love to put a picture of you in front of my television screen so I can watch MARK ZUCKERBERG every single day on the television, to remind me of that wonderful time you were in front of Congress!

Anyway, I love you. You are cute as hell and really really sexy and stuff and I actually do like your product I was just playing. But please, allow us the option of hiding the friend count.

Yours Truly,

Rachel Zuhl