One time, shortly after I got home from Innercept, I tried to give vegetarianism a try. I thought, hey, I might lose weight... And I might feel great!
I had big dreams, big dreams about what my life might be like as a vegetarian. All those dreams turned into... A rainbow in an oil spill on the ground!!!
DUN DUN DUN!!!!
So, I did it the right way. I bought soy patties and black bean burger patties, and mixed one of each into an epic salad.
The only problem with this epic salad was.... There was no meat!!
DUN DUN DUN!!!
I ate plenty of complete protein, and protein in general... At subway, I got the egg sub.
After a week of going downhill emotionally, I woke up one morning feeling VIOLENT!!!
DUN DUN DUN!!!
I felt like I would rip off the heads and attack anyone who looked at me funny, or talked to me, or did anything at all! I was so irritable I couldn't even believe it!!
I've never moved so fast in my life! I ran downstairs, grabbed a package of black forest ham from the fridge, and ate until the irritability went away.
I vowed, from now on, I will eat meat at every meal.
It turns out, I am on a spiritual plane that requires my body eat meat. In fact, I will die if I don't eat meat. Spiritual planes are a spiritual thing, related to how your body functions, how your mind functions, and how your spirit functions... it determines nutrient needs and stuff like that. And on the ones I'm on, I always. ALWAYS. Need to eat meat.
That's why I say, fuck you militant vegans!! I need to eat meat to live!!!
And that's that.
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