Innercept: A Journey Back to the Womb

The thing that makes a lot of sense about Innercept is their policy on helping young adults blossom into fully functioning human beings.

So what they do is, they keep them in a house in the middle of nowhere. Lock up all the food, the medication, everything they need. They have to request everything from staff members.

Staff drives them around all day, to places like the volunteer center.

And then, magically, they learn responsibility for themselves. Instead of Innercept making the decisions they used to make for them, they are suddenly making the same decisions.

Like, don't drink that energy drink. Two cups of coffee before eleven, none after. No cigarettes. T-shirts that go right up the neckline. Don't stay out past seven. And the like.

So, as a result, I make these same decisions that Innercept always made for me. Very modest clothing. They always told me at intercept, guys respect you more if you wear modest clothing. No cleavage. No blouses that look good. I once had a shirt sent home, not because it broke the dress code. Because it looked "a little too good on me."

No energy drinks. No nicotine. No caffeine past eleven. This is how my life is now.

How am I after Innercept? Am I self-sufficient? No, now I am in the Beev and F. Meek program. Regular room searches. All supplements are confiscated. Forced druggings. Lectures on caffeine. Lectures on going out alone. Lectures on staying up too late. Lots and lots and lots of lectures.

But anyway. Through Innercept doing everything for me, it taught me responsibility. For a long period of time, they made all the right decisions for me. So now, I have given up trying to be my own person, and doing things that make me feel good. Smaller portions. Fruit between meals. Regular harsh antipsychotics. Two cups of coffee. Menial service labor positions.

And as a result, I am self-sufficient, making money by myself, enough to get by, living on my own, no relapses or issues at all since Innercept... no alcohol, drugs, marijuana, harsh solvents, anything. I am perfectly happy, morbidly obese maybe, but perfectly happy.

That's what happens when you leave Innercept. I just worry about the dark and dreary nature of life now. A dark, dreary nature life never had before the antipsychotics. But I like to think I am happy. Happy as a robot.

Or is that how it happened?

No. I don't give a shit what a fucking fucked up program tells me to do. With anyone's effort to control me, there is a backlash. I say, fuck you, mother and father. Fuck you, psychiatrists. Medical professionals. I don't trust you anymore, at all. I will trust anyone who comes along besides you who appears to give a damn about me. You don't give a damn about me. You have your own motivations for keeping me doped up and medicated. My mom just wants one daughter who turned out well. Just one. She has two. Hopefully, if she does all she does to control the younger one, the one there is hope for, with an iron grip, making all the decision for her.... she will eventually turn out okay.

This is how it goes.

So I don't give a flying fuck anymore. I don't give a fuck about your sky high stress levels. "Oh, Rachel. When you go out at night, the two of us worry oh so much! Out past twelve? It's bed time! Rachel, are you dead in a ditch? Rachel, are you drunk off your ass? Rachel, are you shooting up heroine? RACHEL!!! Home by 8? That's late! Rachel! You are worrying your mom and dad! Don't live your life! We want you here at home!"

Back the fuck off. If it were up to you, my only social life would be church and the women with disabilities art work shop. I don't give a fuck that you worry, worry, worry. I am not going to live my entire life, bogged down by the fact that if I do certain healthy, normal things, my parents will worry. Back the fuck off and grow up.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Innercept. Innercept cages you in, treats you like a baby, so eventually, you end up acting like a baby. You become desperate for each other approval. Dependent on others, and their tactics backfire. It breeds criminal misconduct. And then, everyone leaves, and is sent off to prison.

This is how it goes.