Worry Warts

So for those who don't already know I have left Innercept and I am back at home in Lake Oswego. I am glad to finally be out after wasting so much of my life there.

I am living at my parent's house right now but I will be moving out into my own apartment. I get annoyed though, because my mom acts like the fact that I am even talking about going and looking at apartments means I am too pushy and in too much of a hurry and she gets stressed out. And I talk about   moving to Hillsboro, and she gets mad like that is WAY too far away. She would feel more comfortable if I were closer to home. Hillsboro is not very far away at all. But she talks about me living in Lake Oswego, very close to home. There is no reason why I can't live in Hillsboro. It's like I am supposed to build my life around the fact that my mom has a horrible crippling worrying problem. My mom thinks I am like this delicate fragile person who's going to drop dead at the drop of a hat. There are so many things I could do that according to my mom would be fatal.

So, then we have to do something about my health insurance because I just turned 26. My parents try to put me on their insurance plan to save money, which they think they can do because they still have a guardianship over me. And they think it is so great that the guardianship can save them some money. But there is some paperwork they need my old psychiatrist to fill out first. So they just send it to him and tell him to fill it out without even looking at it. And I hear about this and I know what it is: they want him to testify to the notion that I am still incapacitated and incompetent to make my own decisions. Which isn't true at all, but I imagine this psychiatrist guy going along with it because my parents told him to. Because I don't trust Innercept, he might totally do that. So I'm like, No! Fuck! Don't have him fill that shit out!

Anyway, so then my parents actually look at the paperwork. And they realize that they don't want him to fill this out either, because they realize I am no longer incapacitated. Which surprised me, because I thought they would go along with it anyway to save a few bucks. So basically they admitted that they they really have no grounds to keep a guardianship over me. But you better believe they will keep it as long as they possibly can, because of my mom and her crippling worrying problem. So that my mom has the power to keep me in a little bubble. At least, they will keep it until I no longer express any viewpoints counter to their own, which is never going to happen so that means forever.

So my mom has the horrible crippling worrying problem, and because of it I worry that if I make any waves she is going to freak out and have melt down and drop dead, kind of like she worries that I'm going to do. Because right now I am living at home and not having any problems and doing what she wants me to, and even so she seems consumed by stress. So I am worried that if I do something that she doesn't want me to do, it will kill her and then I will have to deal with the karma. And then in a future life I am going to be a mother with children who stress me out to the point where it kills me.

This is why you never want to incarnate on Earth in the first place. You incarnate once, acquire karmic debts, so you have to incarnate again to pay them off. But in doing so you acquire more that need to be paid off. And it just keeps going on and on like that.