They're Called Drugs

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be other people. What it's like to NOT turn 19 and become delusional. I mean, it would be wrong to assume that other people haven't had events happen to them that rocked their world. I wonder what it would be like if it were something normal like a loved one dying or something. I don't even know what that's like. I've never had someone I was really close to die.

So, for the most part, I don't even care anymore that other people don't understand. Because, whatever, the future is coming. I've never even explained certain things to them, because there are certain things I don't like saying out loud.

People come up with the most asinine examples of why there is something wrong with me. My sister mentioned that when I was a teenager I didn't want to leave the house. They're called drugs, Kristen. You take Adderall and you aren't that hard to entertain. You can just sit there and think about things and be marvelously entertained. The drugs used to make me so high. Now they only change my mood slightly.

And then my mom talks about how when I was a teenager I had an eating disorder. They're called drugs, Beev. Mostly anyone who has ever taken Adderall knows that at least when you first start taking it, not only does it suppress any feelings of hunger, but your desire for food completely vanishes, and the idea of food is disgusting. And it raises your metabolism, so the pounds start coming off. I don't have the personality type to be anorexic. Hunger drives me crazy.

But I've realized that I can't be a hypocrite and not practice what I preach, which is love and forgiveness. Yes, I'm like Jesus in a way. Is it okay to compare yourself to Jesus? Someone told me it was once so I believe that person. Of course, I used to believe I was Jesus.