Radiance

I find myself in a place where I'm not sure what the concept of ego means, or what exactly it means to be enlightened.

Sometimes I bounce against others, trying to say well I have this better than this person, or I'm better at this, or I'm better at this.

Sometimes though, I'm not bouncing off against anyone at all. What is it I want exactly? To have interesting experiences? Or to have other people appreciate the inner beauty I possess?

What do enlightened people... Scratch that. Forget about it.

Well for one, I think I am done trying to convince to myself that I am worthwhile, because I have done it already. We could stop right there, or is that a trait of sociopaths? Is it a sociopathic thought to try to stop caring how other people perceive you?

The answer is... Yes.

What was the alternative? Being dependent on other people's approval?

Well I don't want to do that either.

Is there a happy medium, little hummingbird? Maybe, I should take it as it comes, and enjoy the specks of light that dance in the dark, gloomy atmosphere of social isolation.

And now, the answer comes from within, which is... Radiance!

Radiate out inner beauty, power, and focus on pushing, pushing, pushing it out.

Moments when you catch a glimpse of your own inner beauty are few and far between. Accept it, try your best, no judgments.

Physical Space is an Illusion

When I was in ninth grade, I started philosophy, within my own mind.

I remember my math teacher talking about the edge of the universe, if it is wrapped, etc. What happens when you reach the edge of the universe? Do you hit a brick wall? At any rate, this is a question that should blow your mind.

It did, and of course I had thought long and hard about this question previous to this, I just mentioned this because he mentioned that it was normal for this question to blow your mind.

It did at one point, and that's because I was an amateur. I've shifted my understanding of the concept of physical space to be more like what physical space is in my bug game, my own little simulated bug universe which is the computer game I made in high school.

When the edge of the universe conundrum blows your mind, that's when you realize there is an error in the way you think about the universe. When I started programming, I started telling myself that that was a dumb conundrum, a dumb question. It was the exact same thing as one of my bugs in the game asking what was outside of that double rock wall that surrounds the universe.

The universe we live in is run by a computer. That's my understanding. Is it different from yours? I honestly don't know, I've never asked anyone this question.

You've got to get over the idea that there is even a such thing as physical space. PHYSICAL SPACE DOES NOT EXIST!

And then you get to more basic hardwiring, which is that if something is not being observed, or is not part of/influencing something that is observed, it does not exist.

I made a remark one time, if something has to be observed to exist. If no one is currently looking at it, it is not there. I was referring to ideas, as in written history or works of fiction.

"Well that's not true. But that's an idea related to your current brain wiring due to mysticism, so we are not going to argue." That was the response I got on that.

You go back to the old, "If a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound?" argument. Well no. However, some people say, there are still sound waves and such.

So apparently, it creates something, waves, on a grid that cannot be accessed by any conscious being. If no one can access the grid does it really mean anything?

Is physical space really there if no one can experience it? The answer is, it's irrelevant. Depends what your definition of is is.

So what I've done is, stepped away from the idea that physical space is real, and established that the only that is real is experiences.

Fungal Women: The Terror Persists

A substrate of society, the Fungal Women know not that they are not welcome. While wandering is their true desire, they are hypocritical in nature and demand to nourish the part of them that desires release from the grimy grind of everyday living. Naturally, they congregate naught, but seek shelter without moral entanglement.

Fungal women are frowned upon, coughed upon, spit upon, and naturally they feel oblivious when they are alone, not realizing the devastating truth of the matter which is that fungally cured, the true cause of their malease is not fixed.

Nevertheless, they never make a noise when coughed upon, as naturally speaking, the cougher is uncured of his ailment as well.

Comic Sans

There was a time a couple months ago when I was randomly reminded a lot of the font Comic Sans. I just had a font stuck in my head. I didn't know the reason.

Later, it became clear why it was happening. It was a reference to looking at the world in a very cheery light. Including incredibly dark issues.

"As the drugs wore holes in his brain he danced and imagined he was talking to a maiden. And then the maiden disappeared, and he came down and remembered he was human."

And I think about this in a cheery light, and it reminds me of Kurt Vonnegut. There was something really intense about the style of his stories and his dark sense of humor that comes up all the time, even though I'm not consciously sure of any of the specific stories I'm getting at.

It's about looking at the world without judgment. "It's not supposed to be cheery it's a real sick dark tragedy!"

I look and think, that's the situation, these are the hard cold facts, and in this particular situation he wasn't all that attached to his brain. There's some sort of expectation to encounter a dark horror story, and there is some sort of ironic or funny twist that makes you laugh. Or more often, think.

The Atheist Cop-Out Answer: The Placebo Effect

My dad told me one time to stop drinking vinegar. "IT'S THE PLACEBO EFFECT!!!" He yelled.

I told him placebo effect or not, it didn't matter. It worked.

In reality, this was some sort of rampant misunderstanding of the placebo effect. Like the first time I tried drinking vinegar by advice of my guides, I was SO convinced it would make me high.

Anyway.

Music

I wanted to include a list of the top songs consistently in heavy rotation while I am going through altered mysticism states:

Woke up this morning (Sopranos theme song) - Alabama3
Smooth Criminal - Alien Ant Farm
Shades of Gray - Amanda Marshall
I'm an Albatraoz - Aronchupa
*Around The World - ATC
Trojans - Atlas Genius
Burn it Down - Awolnation
Kill Your Heroes - Awolnation
*Wake up - Awolnation
Uh huh - B2K
Suga suga - Baby Bash
I know what I am - Band of Skulls
The River of Dreams - Billy Joel
Bad Motherfucker - Biting Elbows
Joga - Bjork
Lonely Boy - The Black Keys
Gold on the Ceiling - The Black Keys
No Rain - Blind Melon
Call me maybe - Carly Rae Jepsen
She Wants me dead - Cazzette & Aronchupa
Aicha - Cheb Khaled
Tubthumping - Chumbawamba
*Viva la Vida - Coldplay
Gangsta's Paradise - Coolio
*Dancing in the Dark - (On my iphone it says the artist is Dancing, I think it is the Cateracts or something like that)
The General - Dispatch
*Bodies - Drowning Pool
*What I am - Eddie Brickell
40 day dream - Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeroes
**Burn - Ellie Goulding
Soldier - Eminem
Till I collapse - Eminem
Sweet Dreams - Eurythmics
Uma Thurman - Fallout Boy
Cameltoe - Fanny Pack
Like a G6 - Far East Movement
The Walker - Fitz and the Tantrums
Good Feeling - Flo Rida
Evil Eye - Franz Ferdinand
Some nights - Fun
*Annie You Save me - Grafitti6
Ways to Go - Grouplove
Shark Attack - Grouplove
Flagpole Sitta - Harvey Danger
Try it Again - The Hives
Radioactive - Imagine Dragons
All Nite(Don't Stop) - Janet Jackson
White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane
*Tongues - Joywave
I predict a riot - Kaiser Chiefs
Never Miss a Beat - Kaiser Chiefs
Wide Awake - Katy Perry
Dark Horse - Katy Perry ft. Juicy J
*We R Who We R - Kesha
Let it Rock - Kevin Rudolph
Spaceman - The Killers
Human - The Killers
*National Anthem - Lana Del Rey
Nobody's Listening - Linkin Park
Nobody Knows Me - Madonna
*Familiar Five - Marcus Marr
This is the new shit - Marilyn Manson
I need to wake up - Melissa Etheridge
Kids - MGMT
Bodyrock- Moby
Space Lord- Monster Magnet
San Francisco - The Mowgli's
Reapers - Muse
Got Ur Self A... - Nas
*Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield
**Starships - Nicki Minaj
I'm Afraid of Americans - Nine Inch Nails
Sweat - Oingo Boingo
Insanity - Oingo Boingo
Alligator Sky - Owl City ft. Shawn Christopher
This is Gospel - Panic! at the Disco
Brick by Boring Brick - Paramore
Halo - Porcupine Tree
***Fear of a blank Planet - Porcupine Tree
Another one Bites the Dust - Queen
Du Hast - Rammstein
*Indigo - Rasta
Vedro Nebo - Rasta
Free Mason - Rick Ross ft. Jay Z
The Great American Nightmare - Rob Zombie
*Crazy - Seal
It Wasn't Me - Shaggy
Baptized By Fire - Spinnerettes
Two Sides of Monsieur Valentine - Spoon
The Way We Get By - Spoon
Desert Rose - Sting
Dynamite - Taio Cruz
*Psycho Killer - Talking Heads
Girl Talk - TLC
Drops of Jupiter - Train
Ordinary - Train
Sing - Travis
Pump up the Jam - Technotronics
Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve
Scream and Shout - Will.I.Am ft. Britney Spears
Concentrate - Xzibit
Don't Trust Me - 3Oh!3

This is the short list of the most commonly listened to songs on my iPhone.

The Inching Effect

I would like to propose the idea that we stop judging religions and belief systems as a whole by the adherent's behavior. Instead, we focus on the inching effect. In what direction are we inching?

In terms of good and bad people, there are good and bad people of all faiths and creeds. There are good Christians and bad Christians, good Jews and bad Jews, good atheists and bad atheists. The question is, overall, let's forget where everyone started out. Let's think, what do these believe systems, looking at the belief system specifically and not the behavior or its adherents, encourage?

You look at Christianity. That's where atheists say, look at all the bad things Christians have done! And I ask, is that the religious belief system, or is it the individual, who committed these crimes?

You look at the Holocaust, and you look at belief systems like Darwinism and Christianity. Neither of these belief systems encourage genocide. Christianity in itself encourages peace. If people decided to shoot someone as a result of their Christian religion, you can say that that was a "bad soul," or a "bad Christian," and not evidence that the underlying religion is bad.

It's about the spiritual growth of the adherents, and in which direction they are encourages to move. The underlying belief here is that there are, inherently, varying degrees of goodness and badness in all people, and it's all over the map.

You often hear of Christians converting and how a belief in a higher power encouraged them to get off drugs, or embrace their family, or stop beating their wife. And you think, my oh my, this wife beater also cheated on his taxes! But then you think hey, it's the inching effect. At least he is not beating his wife anymore.

So when looking at history, don't look at the fact that Christians did this, and atheists did not. Focus on the fact that Christianity encourages the idea that no good deed goes unseen, while atheism encourages the belief that it doesn't really matter.