Monica: A Story Without an End

Monica Lewinsky. What does she mean to you? Does she mean disgust? Does she mean greed? Or does she mean misfortune?

Some people understand less about Monica, and more about Bill. He was a great guy, until Monica gave him a blow job. And then, he was a mean old wimp. Yes, wimp. Not because he really was a wimp, but because he refused to tell the public about the blow job.

And everyone was asking, "Was it good?" "Did she use a good technique?" "Did she move her lips the right way?" "Did she swallow?" And Bill was like, "Way, way, way not telling!" And everyone asked, "Why won't you tell? Was it bad? Is she not good at that?" And Bill said, "No way, jose! Unless you give me some good reason to tell you, I'm not telling!"

And they could not give Bill a good reason. They just wanted to know is all. So Bill said, "Would I lie under oath?" And they said, "Of course you would! No one wants to say that a blow job by a girl they think is pretty is bad! That would hurt her feelings!" And Bill said, "But the blow job was nonexistent! There was no blow job!"

And it went on like this. Until I don't remember what happened, and Bill had to confess. And when he did, the paparazzi screamed. "You lied! You said there was no blow job! There obviously was!" And Bill said, "I was only trying to protect her privacy you numbskull! Of course there was a blow job! It was all right, not great, not bad either. She wanted to. You can't tell a girl who wants to do something so badly it hurts, no, you can't do that! Can you? Have you ever known a girl who really had her heart set on something, so bad, and when you told her she couldn't do it...." He was mad. He looked all the paparrazi straight in the eye, and they all looked him back. And he said, "What would you do if this fine young woman were your child? Would you let her do what she wanted to do? Or would you put your foot down at every turn?"

So that's the story of Bill and Monica. The story has a moral. Do not let your man work at the oval office, because it is a filthy breeding ground of debauchery.