So, Innercept requires that I have 20 hours of scheduled work/school/volunteer activities. For awhile I only had about ten. Innercept recently found this out. They also knew that I had missed the psychiatrist appointment they had forced me to schedule at a time I knew I wouldn't remember, and that I had missed a therapist appointment because I had forgotten about it. Therefore, Innercept decided I should go to the Innercept prison.
It was Halloween a couple weeks ago on a Wednesday. I was headed toward the Kroc Center for a thrilling afternoon of working out and downloading music, and to drop off an application to be a Salvation Army bell ringer. I didn't make it even halfway there, however. My efforts were Innercepted by the Innercept prison vehicle. I saw them pull up in a parking lot, and Kurt motioned for me to come over. Not knowing what was going on, I went over. Kurt and Dave told me to that due to my recent slackings, I was going to stable, the Innercept prison, for a week.
This was horrible news, as I never in my life wanted to go back to the Innercept prison. At first, I was compliant, and I got in the vehicle and they drove me back to my apartment to pack my stuff. My head was swimming because I knew the next week was going to be horrible. I didn't know what to pack. I couldn't pack with my head swimming like that.
Once back in the car on my way to the Innercept prison, I knew that I couldn't just go along with this. I had to fight. So when we got up to the cabin out in the middle of nowhere, I told them that I wasn't getting out of the car. Kurt tried to intimidate me by using is intimidating "I'm not fucking around you better get out of the car voice" but I didn't let it get to me. They could do whatever. I wasn't getting out of the car.
Next, violence ensued. I was pushed out of the car and my face was slammed in the gravel, they pinned me down and removed my shoes and twisted my arms in odd painful positions and then carried me into the cabin. I tried to leave. They pinned me to the floor again. I tried to leave again. They pushed me to the floor again and pinned me down and told me they were going to drug me with a zyprexa shot. I started crying and I was lying there pinned to the floor crying for quite awhile.
See, it was written in my aftercare plan that if I miss twenty hours two weeks in a row I get a week's reboot at IT. The thing was, this was not IT, this was stable. Innercept tried to excuse it saying that IT was in the process of moving therefore I couldn't be sent there. But it doesn't work that way. The paper I signed said IT, not stable.
Eventually I calmed down, then one of the Innercept nurses who was there decided to piss me off by saying something and I got upset again and started crying again and after awhile I calmed down again.
What ensued after that was a week of feeling bored and restless and angry and pissed off at everyone and everything. I would wake up in the morning feeling angry and I would have to immediately take my meds and count on Adderall to give me a fake happy feeling that counteracted the anger, at least for a little while. Stable is such a therapeutic environment in that way. Sarcasm.
Anyway, they decided to keep me there for fucking ever and made me miss school and they wouldn't let me study for my physics test. I was absolutely shocked that I got a 72 on it. I mean, that I got a 72 instead of a 32 or something substantially lower. They had me raking pine needles and constantly complaining that I wasn't putting enough muscle in it when I was putting as much muscle as I could do that was sustainable.
Anyway, so I am out now, and my parents in their undying love for Innercept think that I am the problem so they moved me to a different place for the next couple months. They moved me to the Innercept girl's aftercare house, which is for people who just got out of transition and don't actually have an apartment to move into, not for people who need more "structure." There isn't any sort of structure. But my parents, especially my mother, love Innercept and think that their daughter owes her life to Innercept. That is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard, Beev. I would still be alive if it weren't for Innercept. You would not have kicked me out of the house. I would not have run away. Any suicide attempts would have been unsuccessful. I would be living at home and you would be a million dollars richer.
So instead, my parents decide to spend extra money to have me living in a different house where I have one housemate who is gone all day. And I don't want to say that I hate my parents, because that makes me sound like an immature teenager. But I am not exactly loving them right now.
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