Further Reading on My Life Topics

Rachel was offered the Earth Mission. Then, she went back to Jason. They had wild wooly sex, and then Jason spit on Rachel and called her a hooker.

Yeah, you'll do anything for me, won't ya? Won't ya? That's the attitude.

I have to think about this situation where I went back to my loyal crew of concerned friends and when asked how much sex we had, I said "once or twice." And that wasn't believable.

Though... As the mission became sooner and sooner, Jason and I stopped communicating, and I was embarrassed by him and I felt like I had been having sex with a retarded person.

And my spirit guides say really quickly, regarding myself and Eminem in heaven, "It's the same situation."

You know... Words hurt sometimes, especially when they came out of your own mouth, and Lisa Left-Eye was embarrassed that she said in a song "you have to lick it before you stick it." And there was a song like that played on the radio... Yeah, you get the idea, maybe.

Do you? Do you get the right idea?

I don't know.

Tupac and I got back together. Tupac has a story of an event between us that he is being mysterious about and not sharing and thinking he's going to laugh is head off when we meet face to face in heaven. "Hey, remember me?"

Rachel, Jason, Alfred, and a Ho Schmo's Doozle (parking ticket)

The drama and chaos and lowdown of the other side's shenanigans could start where Rachel finished her first lifetime as a special teacher who killed a student by accident. That lead to her growth in the miracle trait that everyone loves and loves hearing on the Earth Plane too about Rachel, anyway. So I was now a virtuous soul, lucky me! The sex was rampant, and Rachel was playful and liked mingling with different souls, and to be honest I think the problem is.... Dun dun dun.... I just want someone else to appreciate my glory in sex and this is a soul issue that works itself out in this lifetime in part. So, Alfred was Rachel's lover, and one time she put some sort of paint or paste in the room when organizing a sexual scenario with Alfred. Accessing heavenly memories leads to me thinking I thought I had a reason for putting it there that wasn't to harass Alfred with it but that excuse doesn't fly with everyone else who heard the story at the time. I put something like paint all over my fingers and tried to get Alfred to lick it off. He refused and screamed and cried. I don't know what else happened right there but that's against the law to do that in the spirit world and I got charged with a minor infraction and became a sex offender and I don't know what the cultural implications are of that in the spirit world, it's a little thing compared to what a big deal on it is on the Earth Plane. I got a Minor Infraction, I can visualize in my mind the video of me putting it on my fingers and acting stupid kind of like Kristen to be honest in her old Jeannie movie way but stupider still. I can remember looking at Alfred's face as he cried at the hearing and looked up to the sky. Ooh, virtuous soul, huh? Really? Virtue? And Alfred is crying because you disrespect him. Really? Virtue? Whatever... There's too much gossip on the other side, my spirit guides are warning me to wrap this up.

Umm... So I was reading a book by Jason in heaven that fascinated me with the way he joked about his rampant shmeel of masculine rage and the jokes he made about himself were funny. It was a funny read about an in-your-face masculine bad boy hero kind of thing to me, I found him on the other side and my intentions were obvious from the get-go. See, this guy Jason, I figured out when he was alive, is obsessed with the concept of virtue. He is deeply in awe of them, and if he can't be one, he can play with one, and I looked at this situation and thought it was fine. Until he, in the context of spirit sex, had me lick up grease. In my mind I can remember this, he says "Lick, lick, lick..." And he holds what looks like a muffin container but it's probably something from another plane that's greasier than muffins. And I was screaming in my mind this is a violation of my rights and that's clear when I think about it, and Jason hacked the spirit sex computer or whatever to make it so my tongue moved automatically without my permission.

"But you did it to Alfred! What about what you did to Alfred?!" he would always say, and I would be in silence probably out of shame at the Alfred incident, to the point where we made up. (I have no memory of a court proceeding with this incident, no info, I'm sure he was charged with something more serious than what I got).

And then, there was a concerned group of caring loyal friends I have on the other side who weighed in and said that's not true. Besides the fact that I had properly taken responsiblitiy and blame and shame for the incident with Alfred, the Jason incident wa considered modge-pa, and the Alfred one was not. And I have a little cartoonish memory of someone saying this to me, a woman who makes me think of a beaver, and then the cartoon screen goes to next scene, as I imagine being on the other side like living in a dumb cartoon if you haven't gotten a a lifetime (with pain) for awhile, which was a problem having because not only did the universe run by the different god crash, I was deprived of the rest of that lifetime so I was hurting. From lack of pain.

What else? Your physical form during spirit sex can take whatever and be thrown out at the end, however the experiences your soul has can damage there existence, health, growth, etc. This incident with Jason was harmful to my soul.

The lucky part... The next thing that happened was I got offered the Earth Mission! And Jim Besemer was there to congratulate me! So, a very long time in the future, I will have a cognitive defect that prevents me from making normal conversation, and no one knows why or that that's even a thing and that scared me and it hung over my head for years in heaven, and this is only my fifth lifetime, so right after my third lifetime I got offered the Earth Mission which includes healing the damage the grease incident caused my soul. And it blows my mind to think, wow, I have been worried sick about this lifetime for a very substantial part of my existence in heaven, wow it will feel good to finish it, but as Tyler Henry said, upon crossing over you have to be retaught the language.

I would like to be "taken" like Enoch. This plane is kind of devoid of good things to spend my time doing. Maybe I should think harder or try to approach the people without acting feral."

Motivation, Spiritual Possession, and ME (not the various kid callers who are blowing up the spiritual plane)

My experiences being spiritually possessed go back to 2005 and the incident with "Sean." It seemed to me at the time that that was spiritual possession, however it was my first experience with alcohol, and there was that.

Then, the drinking of the liquor prior to the ER incident struck me as too easy of a move, and I zoned out while I was doing it. This is something that could keep me up at night screaming if it weren't for the fact that I take everything in stride and say it's part of the drill, due to the intense effect the ER Incident had on my parent's and how they view me.

Then... Out of nowhere, the William Vandergaw incident. I happened to remember thinking the thought that saved my existence and in essence humanity during this occasion, which was as I was getting up immediately after we had both taken three shots of liquor and had a beers in our hands, I get up and walk back to the kitchen because I'm worried that won't get me drunk enough, and as I'm walking I can't get over in my mind thinking about how bad I really didn't want to do this but wow my body just popped right up out of the chair and walked to the kitchen, huh. Yeah, so at the time... I didn't understand the point of this exercise until my guides told me eventually and they were in the picture way earlier than they told me about the cinching of energy related to caring about someone's opinion of myself. I brought it up a couple times, and they found ways to distract me. I don't know why, it is probably complicated but they told me in like 2017 or something why we had that beloved incident.

What else? I'm used to letting Subbie move my body. See, Subbie can move my body as well as Conscie can, and Subbie can override Conscie's decisions most of the time if necessary. If a conscious decision is overriden by Subbie, there is nothing Conscie can do. Of course, usually that's just fine, like when I look in the mirror and am suddennly walking in the other direction, despite Conscie wanting to fixate on the mirror for a second. That happened one time, it was kind of funny. That's the other thing though, there are lots and lot of experiences related to the Mindflip that are incredibly cool, so yes, I did get the "mental handicap rewiring of brain" that everyone always wants. I had a fixation on it before I got offered the mission, this particular brain situation. It is both fun to use and rewarding, as I knew the mindflip would help me grow an astounding amount in intelligence. I'm thinking of going off on a tangent but I wanted to write about... Spiritual Possession.

People, young and old, as a side note... Don't mess with Ouija boards. I have never done so, but it is common sense not to. Stores stopped selling them for a reason. Knowing that stores won't sell Oijja boards yada (I've read this on spiritual websites I don't know what happened) is good enough reason for me to say no thank you that's stupid.

So, at some point it becomes obvious to me in my life that I am at times spiritually possessed. The story of hurting my mother went like this: Actually, I was planning on playing around with my parent's beliefs and this "that one time in downtown Portland"... Those words have come out of my mother's mouth and she stops. It's the Santa Barbara streets issue, I lived it up on the streets of Santa Barbara for several days before my parents took me to Idaho to Innercept. I had the time of my life, I was also under spiritual protection from the spirits, and Santa Barbara seems safe compared to downtown Portland. There is some dark energy there, something I would like to stay away from, so for some reason it's a joke with me that my mother would think I would repeat the Santa Barbara stuff in downtown Portland, like a kitten running playfully into traffic. I fear downtown Portland, to a certain degree. I also believe that other cities like Detroit probably are even scarier in this regard.

Anyway... I don't remember what I was thinking the night of the incident walking back from the gas station, drinking a hard seltzer Four Loko, just one (all day), and I left the bottle like a rebel in the little bird bath in front of the house. I walked in, my parents were sitting around the island in the kitchen finishing dinner. My mother said something that angered me because it was probably something about medication but I don't remember at all what the comment was. I remember I was annoyed, but... Not... Enough to do that, which I did while I was thinking that, seemed like Subbie, and I even got in on camera but my camera was stolen before I uploaded new stuff. My spirit guides told me it made a mark on Mass Consciousness, this moment where I felt indifference to what I was doing, and I was doing something that could have killed her. Kind of like, I'm sure I've pointed this out but this is funny and true, the Waterworld experience makes a noticeable impression when thinking in altered states but I don't know how to describe it. A memory of a shared moment of fun that went from happy to the most miserable you can imagine.

So, but we are talking about the attack. I rode a wave of rage right there, throwing my mother on the floor. So I cussed her out when she was on the floor. Spiritual possession involves whatever the force behind it to be able to manipulate you (me) emotionally as well. I called her the C-word, which really bothers me. You know, what happened in my life is both Robin (he didn't want me to tell anyone this though, but whatever) and Alfred called me the C-word for no reason in 2014 only to prove a point. Anyone can use any word and they don't need a license. So there is a culture shock thing with this word and it doesn't mean much when I say it except to mean I am angry. Also, I had a reoccurring dream that I called my mom the C-word, in 2019, and I was scared that it would come out of my mouth without me meaning to at some point, and that ended up happening.

So, I rode a wave of anger, I did not touch her again or try to hurt her further (I've heard my mother say I repeatedly slammed her head against the floor, that is absolutely not true but I think there is room for memory confabulation if your head hit the floor this quickly). I wanted to talk about the part that happened next. I did a little Diablo thing which was both touching and dumb, moving my dad's cane like it was a staff and Diablo, then took a video, put a couple of signs on the floor, and went into sleep. The police woke me, and I was compliant eve though the healthy thing here would be just to let me sleep in my own bed. Instead, I have to go to the part of Unity with the bright lights on you as you sleep, the only reason for this I think is in case people bang their heads against the wall which I find that disgracefully offensive for anyone to even suggest that I would ever purposely bang my head against the wall. Which brings me back to the thing where well I hit my mother's head pretty hard against the floor. Shit. Shit. Shit. Cringe, repeat. This is a thought that has been repeating for quite a long time in my brain, I cringe a I think about it, and I sometimes remember and sometimes do not... What? That other people might think I enjoyed doing that and that I am sick.

What else? After the spiritual possession incident, there is something I want to tell Eminem and everyone else about how it effected me. I was in denial that that incident was wrong, for a long fucking time. This is IRRATIONAL THINKING. That means, I did not think about the incident, did not fixate, and I believed it was right for some reason but I didn't think about it and I don't remember exactly how I thought about it which is bothering me because that doesn't seem to make any sense. I thought she deserved it I guess. Moving on. Moving on. Oh, and Sunday's Fan sent me a song called Tipton by Odessa. "All is well in my soul." Yes, that was true. Why? Because the part where I moved to throw her to the ground did not make sense in terms of motivation. There were no violent ideations whatsoever.

Subbie wanted to point out "haze." This issue was a "haze" issue in my brain that lead to blurry.

Jason was Sunday's Fan, he psychically read my mind and probed to see my reaction to that song, which he sent to taunt me, and then he said right there he wanted to marry me instead, for a second or maybe more, due to the fact that that song was dead on (not a song I listen to most of the time, it is too mellow and slow). But, all is well in my soul, because at heart I had no intent to hurt my mother.

Anyway, so that's my story, and then there was this recent incident at the ranch in Boardman. We got back from our Boardman trip in the van, I got out, went over to the nurse's station, yelled at the woman working (I don't know her name, and I don't remember what I yelled. Aggravating psychological factor on my mind was that I had used meth to counteract the dopamine blocking effects of the medication, and now I had meth face which I think went away but I'm still worried about). I was angry becaue of the medications, I don't remember what I yelled it wasn't that bad, it wasn't the C-word, then I walked around the stairway thingy to the entrance to the nursing station, for a second I thought you know I could go downstairs and leave this situation alone and relax but I don't wanna, and went and stood behind her, I didn't want to hurt her at this point. Then I was standing behind the woman and was struck with furious wind of anger, I pushed her hair down once, use of force was minimal, I didn't actually want to hurt her but I did in that one moment right there, which is what I wanted to talk about. There was this moment I was struck with rage and wanted to hurt her and not hurting her, in terms of motivation related to spiritual possession, actually didn't seem like an option I was allowed to choose. So it was a "multiple choice test with only one answer and that was to shove or push."

Anyway, I like writing and telling people stuff. I hope someday I will be famous for my writing and my outstanding personality.

The Manor in England: Make it Square

For some reason I had to think of the Stanley-Millgram experiment while writing the title blog.

Hell is real, it is what Matthew III wants. He's off topic though, the topic is teachers and they stay in school. I would like teaching but... What? But what Rachel you like teaching?

I don't want to encourage a stupid kid thought which was if there were only teachers, there would not be anyone else.

Leave. Art. It. Out.

No, it's because you have to forget about stuff like sex and your wiring, not that reason stupid Conscie there in then, takes control and bites the wind.

Blame.

Don'eat the preconscieved notion that actually strangers hate me.

Dogs: No One Knew the Real Rufus

Someone once spent there lunch money on apple juice. Did it taste better, in retrospect, than lemonade? Yeah, it did but I could only take about five minutes of the flavor before I had to push my mother down on her bed side. I hope she is alright. Then...

You googled yourself, didn't you, Rachel? I google nothing, and Sophie's legendary hang up was spit around the part of the bottom of a toilet seat.

Nube song.

[Blog, will power, will power, will, power....]

Hash List Tag! Weep joy at Your Past Misery of Not Understanding Hash List Tag!

Hash list tag, circle icosahedron, circle back, tag human. I learned your name, I circle you out, circle line worker on bread at counter 2, hash list complete. Algorithms for speed and circling....

I could bore you with fluff, or I could get to the point. That was later. At first, it was July 2016 Jimmy John's, and I was demoted to feral woman remembering past eye contact(=>Insert Facial Gesture), later your guides will insert more facial expressions.

I lie, cuz why? That's my p-p-poker face, intervened by spirits and we are perfect in our own right and style, copyrignt African American President Yugoslavia 8-1-6-2-5-4-3

On my death bed, or any bed or couch or sleeping place, I remember I wanted to tell no one about spiritual possession and what you think it does to your mind, makes sense to you, is not what the person in my brain wants to tell about crush flam split, dmune.

I hate that incident so much but I am not an aggressive person. I have no violence in my mind. When it comes up at random at a high stress point, I point it out to staff. I know I had no intention of doing that, and so does God.

Make room! Why? Make way for an outside the greatfox fan fic corner rav-heav

Burn Like Jesus: Chapter 62

Okay, sweetheart, time for you to lust! Alfred said later that night.

Okay, baby, I said. I rolled around on the bed, and moaned.

On the floor, bitch, Alfred said.

I got on the floor, and rolled around and said his name, over and over again.

Now, grovel!

What?

Grovel! Show me you are my bitch!

Yes, master... I mean, owner... I mean... Fuck, what's a good thing to call you?

Owner works.

Okay, owner.

I bowed down to Alfred, over and over again, as Alfred egged me on maniacally. This went on for a long, long time, before he said he had had his fill.

You just gave me a different kind of energy, Sugar Plum. That was subservient energy. I will need that kind of energy on a regular basis too.

Okay.

Well, well, well, well. This is how it is now. I am your master. So when I say, make me a fucking sandwich! I expect little to no response, because sandwiches displease me, okay?

Okay, master.

That's good, that's it. When you say, okay master, I think, Barbara Eden. And when I think Barbara Eden, I think of those funny as hell videos you used to make with your friends.

They weren't funny they were dumb.

I know that. But I liked how you were the master. But that's not how it is anymore. I like you as a friend, as a maiden, and as a servant. So when I say, make me a fudge sundae, I expect you to lick the bowl, okay?

But that will make me fat.

I know, and I don't like that. So that's when I say, stop licking, funny woman! Eat more fudge and your muffin top will explode! You are looking sweet, don't mess it up with some messed up fudge! Got it?

Got it, master.

Okay, now we have something fun to do. First, I want to show you something I like. I am going to pull a cord, and you tell me if you like it or not, okay?

Okay.

He pulled a cord. It went to my arm. It created in me a horrible feeling, a feeling of mutilation and disease. A feeling of a cord that should not be there. A mutant cord. I hated it. I called it wonk.

Do you like it?

Don't do that please.

Okay, now, let me pull again...

This time, Alfred pulled both the cord going to my arm, and a very pleasurable sex cord.

So, how do you like it now? Alfred asked smugly.

I think I like it.

Do you like wonk?

I love wonk!

See, that's what I like. What I like, when it comes to sex is... making the victim confused as to what's pain and what's pleasure. I'll show you something else, now. Watch this animation.

I watched, using my mind's eye. He showed a picture of a girl at a county fair, winning first prize. When the master took the woman home, she was given a beating, to ensure that she would never make it out of the running for first prize at the county fair.

This is what I'll do to you, if you ever show me what's pain and what's pleasure. I don't roll that way. I do it to you, you don't do it to me. One more thing. Another animation.

I watched. He showed a muscular man, walking a dog. When it starts to rain, the dog starts howling. Then, the master whips him. Then, the dog keeps walking, keeping his toes in line.

You place one toe out of line, you will be punished. So watch out, biatch! And one more thing. Do not let me tell you how much I want to make you feel embarrassed about your own virtue. That's what I do to you too, see. It's also a growing experience, spirit sex. I'm going to make you feel sad about things that don't need to be felt sad about, like the food thing. Oh boy! Pizza! Shut the fuck up, Sugar Plum. But those are two separate things there, helping you grow, and making you feel embarrassed about your other virtue. Follow this cord again.

I followed the cord. When I got to the end, I got an enticing feeling of sexual longing. I was confused. What was that feeling exactly? It wasn't envy, it wasn't the desire to control either. It was something else entirely.

I'll tell you what it is, and I'll explain it in the best Earth terms. It is the desire to have something you have, with the intention of using it better than you do. I would like to have your virtue, without the dumbfuck element to it.

He showed me animation. It showed a kid walking to a toy store, holding his mother's hand. A kid walks in front of him, and the kid cries. The mother pats him on the cheek, there was a close up of the boy's face, giving a heartwarming smile.

Does that give you warm fuzzies sweetie? Does it? Does it? GOD DAMN YOU!!! Another thing about your virtue is, in the early stages of being virtuous, it starts out so dumbfuck! GOD DAMN YOU, SUGAR PLUM!!!

I'm sorry, I said. It's not my fault.

Whatever. Hey, watch it! Alfred pulled a cord, draining a bunch of my important energy. I started feeling sick.

Watch it, Alfred, my guides said.

Hey, if she's okay with it, it's fine! I drained one related to burning calories, meaning she will need more fuel later on, therefore it will help her lose weight! Baby, is it okay with you if I take some more, sweetums? It's going to make me feel really, really good!

Okay, that sounds hot! Sweet!

Is that really alright with you, Salioness?

Of course! Just a little bit, we'll see how it makes me feel.

He started draining some of my energy. I looked around the room, at the plates above the closet. They started to take on a scary, primordial quality to it. Everything started taking on a scary quality, not terrifying, but a little weird is all.

Oooh!! Honey, I'm in heaven! More?

Okay, fine.. I said, feeling deranged, but thinking that this was really really hot

Okay... I'll drain a different one this time. This will make you feel depressed.

As he drained the energy, the color started to drain from the world, and I started feeling a little low on energy and down in the dumps. Not a lot, not that bad, just a little.

That's hot! I said.

I think so too, Sugar Plum.

Okay. OKAY! Stop draining her energy or we'll lose contact with her.

He stopped, and I lay there, feeling seriously funny.