Chicken salad for lunch?! Woah! Could this day get any better?
Well, well, well, Alfred said. Looks like you need some help deciphering my lingo!
What do you mean, Alfred?
I've been trying to tell you something and you won't listen! Alfred screamed. We love your sexual exploits! They are cute! We love Ted, we love the way you let men fling you around like a sex doll... We love the way you let Erik use you. We love it!
I blushed. Wow. This was going on an awkward direction.
We joked around about different sexual scenarios, and laughed. Then, Alfred brought something up I didn't want him bringing up. We talked about the time I went down on Erik, and said something weird afterwards about liking it.
Oooh! That's what you're into, is it! Robin screamed.
Stop! I thought it was cute! I blushed.
Ooooh! Sounds like she likes the cock! Robin kept harassing me.
I didn't mean it that way! I screamed.
Ooohh!! Ooooohh! We love it, Rachel! Robin yelled.
Then, they brought up a thought I had in the seventh grade about another guy.
Oooohh! Sounds like you like him, Rachel! Robin yelled.
Shut up! I actually didn't care! I just wanted to like men! I yelled back.
Wow!! She likes men!! Sounds like you should contact this guy and hook up!
Then, Alfred told him something I was thinking, about how I liked Robin in a sexual way.
Ohhh!!! She likes me in a sexual way!!! Robin yelled.
What the hell? You already knew that!
It was funny the way you thought it, though. I never knew you had those types of feelings for me! I'm flattered, really... But I'm not into that. I'm into other things.
What are you into?
Dominant male, submissive femme.
I hate how you listen to Lady Gaga, Alfred said. The dominant female energy is through the roof. I don't want you listening to any songs with dominant female energy. It might give you ideas.
I sat outside, on the curb. As I was sitting there, Alfred said, “Big whoop!”
What? I said.
Something you were thinking subconsciously, about how it's actually better for the woman to be in charge.
The funny thing was it was a microcosm thought, a thought that was in the slush pile of thoughts that didn't matter. We discussed the importance of disregarding microcosm thoughts, as they had no basis in what a person actually believed or wanted.
Alfred was mad at me. “I know you think you want it dominant male, submissive femme, but I'm not sure. Maybe we should talk to the silia self again, just to make sure she hasn't changed her mind about the Pussycat Brawl.”
You know she hasn't! I screamed. He was so insecure about this god damn Pussycat Brawl. He wanted me to check after every little thing. He kept telling me, he didn't know the silia thoughts. Well you know what, I didn't know what the precious silia thoughts were either, and I was fine with that. I thought the Pussycat Brawl was a good idea, on some level. On other levels, I had my doubts.
It was Halloween. We walked around outside. After I went around my normal loop, Robin said he had a song for me. The song was Thriller by Michael Jackson. A classic Halloween song.
I thought vaguely to myself, Thriller on Halloween, how trite.
Alfred told Robin what I was thinking. Robin laughed really hard.
But Thriller's a classic! He said.
I know, I didn't really think there was anything wrong with that. My brain, you know...
I know, that's why it's funny! Blast from the past! When I had my cocaine brain, everyone sounded trite, no matter what they said. It is obnoxious being embarrassed all the times, I can imagine, I didn't really have that problem. Instead, everyone sounded trite and dumb all the time. It's obnoxious, because using your marbles, you know they didn't say anything trite or dumb. But it sounds trite or dumb to you, because of some missing neurotransmitters. It's really obnoxious, being annoyed with everyone for being dumb all the time.
I laughed. It was interesting to be able to connect with Robin Williams on this level, about things like this.
It was all over the news, how Robin Williams had Parkinson's Disease. You'd think if you met him, he would have something more interesting to talk about than Parkinson's Disease.
Yeah, that's trite, isn't it? Let me tell you, it was a big issue! My Parkinson's Disease! The love of my life was acting, and now, it was really difficult because you keep making movements you don't intend to make! I was going to have to give it up! It's not trite, it was a big issue! That's part of the reason I killed myself!
I laughed. I didn't really think it was trite, but my cocaine brain was acting up.
We went back to the house and lay down. The next morning, I had to walk to the store to buy watermelon. Ever since I had reached this part of the ascension process, and I was still ascending, it took time to get on the right plane, I had to be very careful to get enough nutrients. There was something in watermelon that was absolutely essential.
I went to the store, bought watermelon, and sat down outside. Now, Alfred was making fun of my subconscious thoughts. I screamed. “What is it now? What did I think? Now, I don't even have any peace of mind! You make fun of my conscious thoughts, but that's not enough for you, is it? You also have to make fun of my subconscious thoughts! It's a lose-lose situation!”
I walked home, and Alfred told Robin every little thought I had. Whenever I had a thought, I had to immediately assess it to see if it was embarrassing or not. If it was, I had to tell Alfred not to tell Robin. I begged and pleaded with him, “Don't tell Robin!” Of course, it was my begging and pleading that made him tell Robin. It was a never-ending battle, but my guides told me, this is helping your spiritual growth. You are going through a massive growth spurt right now, and this is helping! So I was okay with it, for that reason.
Guess what time it is! Time to masturbate!
Oh no, in front of Robin? Do I have to?
Yes, it will make you feel a lot better! My guides told me.
I got out my vibrator and turned on some porn and started masturbating. As I was lying there, trying to get off, my thoughts drifted off to that day at the park, with the wonky beef jerky penis, the wonky hat, and all that fabulous wonk. I got off, when I thought of that.
Excellent! Robin said. I liked how you thought of me! That's what I want you to think about!
We enjoyed the show, Sugar Plum, Alfred said, laughing at my jokes about how he needed more wonky dicks in the room of love.
Later, I talked to God. He said it was normal, in this state of the brain integration process, and going through puberty, to have wonk as a fetish. It will normalize with time.
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