Channeling the God Force

So today I wanted to discuss.... THE GOD FORCE.

The God Force is an energy that originates with the divine, and flows through us humans, when we are doing God's work, and God approves of the work we are doing. If you are in God's favor, and adequately equipped to handle the flow of God Force through your body.

It was sometime last year, when I started to feel the God Force flow. Early spring. My body was now a conduit for this divine energy. Some things made it stronger: tai chi, going out and dancing, any moments of personal growth resulted in an increase in God energy. Activity speeds up God energy. Alcohol slows it down. Boooo alcohol!

However, a couple drinks every now and then don't hinder the God Force too much.

Marijuana funkifies the God Force, but doesn't stop it.

Anyway, the God Force came back in the summer, last summer, then stopped when I started drinking more than once a week. And that's the story of the death of my God Force.

But recently, it's back! Because I'm doing God's work again. And I don't know what it is, God's calling for me. But God does have a calling for me. I sit around and ask, "God, what should I do with my life?" And God doesn't answer me. Doesn't answer me. Because He never answers with words, but sometimes, He influences my actions, moving me closer to things I ask for. But not quite close enough. I still don't get what I ask for. God dammit. I suppose, I'm supposed to make the next move.

So anyway, though I call it God Force, I don't know that that's really what it is. Maybe it's just motivation, drive, and enthusiasm. At any rate, I feel that me having the God Force is what's going to make me successful.

Brain Damage and Thinking on Repeat

So I haven't blogged in awhile the thing I wanted to talk about is about how I HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE.

It's being corrected through neurofeedback, the zapping of the brain with electrodes. This isn't electroshock therapy or anything like that, this is helpful not harmful.

When I listen to my iPod, I like to listen to the same song on repeat over and over again. When I think thoughts in my head, I (used to) think the same thoughts over and over again.

Thoughts wouldn't get old! Funny things don't get old! I laugh at the same funny things OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

When I do this around other people, they are like, "Okay Rachel, it wasn't THAT funny."

So the neurofeedback is improving it. But thoughts are powerful! Thinking the same thought over and over again has consequences.

So I got stuck in a loop of thinking about the girl who put puke in front of my door in college, Weird Zombie Girl. "Yeah, I smirked at you. YOU WERE LOOKING AT ME FUNNY!!!!!" Over and over and over and fucking over again.

So I explained this on my facebook page. I would think about this all the time, this thought on repeat. Then suddenly it was like, "Cute little itty bitty sweet young soul. Sweet young soul. Sweet young soul." Which is a reference to a time when I thought more spiritually about everything, and I thought this girl was a young soul. That thought occured to me one time.

And so I replaced the YOU WERE LOOKING AT ME FUNNY with "sweet young soul." My energy increased, and she stopped receiving my angry bad energy. It was a win/win situation!

Since that thought played on repeat, it was draining my energy as well as hitting her with bad energy constantly. So, the spirits intervened, located the place in my memory and thought that, and replaced my bad thought with a loving thought.

Thing is, I used to think of the guy I had delusions about on repeat for years and years and years and years. I would think of funny things I had told him and laugh. And laugh. And laugh. And send that energy to him. On repeat.

The question is, what effect did this have on him?

WHAT KIND OF ENERGY AM I SENDING TO PEOPLE??!?!?!?!?!? It gets multiplied when you think on repeat!!!

Anyway, the doctor said I have less repeat thinking going on in my brain now thanks to the neurofeedback.