Gratitude

I think a lot on gratitude. What am I grateful for the most? Belief in God. Things like hyped up emotional energy at the same time. I get down a lot, without people to talk to in person. Seems like a helpful, dopamine-filled exercise, but I don't get it a whole lot with anyone special. Or with friends. I enjoy my hyped up emotional energy and lack of sickness the most. No sickness, ever. A little runny nose sometimes, could be allergies too. Nothing annoying. Yeah, but the passing cars might think... Nah, not sick. I remember the time I got sick in 2016 in the summer. That was the last time I was sick, before that it was in 2008. I remembered because I forgot, wow weird summer, but that was dreadful, hot, sick, yucky feeling. Nothing is worse than body problems and sickness. All these things make me think of death but do be careful, sick people don't want to be reminded of death. Don't let me get sick, please. I won't. The emotional energy! The emotional hyped up energy of your life is so high! You know, like in spirit sex, on the pain scale, it isn't THAT low compared to the pain scale of Earth to do a "Forbidden Sex Act," However, it's about the enjoyment level drop! If it goes down all of a sudden, it's worse. It's kind of like calculus or math, see. That's why I am grateful and others are like hey Rachel we thought you were having fun but Jason just died and stuff and I don't like that he tortured me but there was so much else going on at the same time. If I do something weird in my own mind like think of a duck, will you get mad? Sometimes thinking of strange things makes me feel happy and listening to different music makes me happy that sounds different. And they get mad anyway, but maybe they aren't. What did I do? But everyone looks to me anyway. Despite all the weirdness. Rachel, you got it all! You got a montage of beautiful original art, a coffee pot, a nice neat room that is fun, Jesus in the corner, spirit guides, and makeup, perfume, a nice figure and face (I think?), gym memberships, a nice place to live, food, a restroom, free hygiene products, some money, and fame that doesn't slap you in the face yet. That's why I'm happy. Also, I think I am a pretty good person inside too and that's what makes me happiest the most. Sometimes I feel empty though. And I have music to fill the void. And I try, too. To make myself better. But I always forget that Jesus is coming. How? Huh? How weird!