The Spirit Guides Proudly Led the Way Into a Room of Forfeit

I don't feel good. I might live. Not sure. Anyway, so that's what happened, they led the way into a dark room of ridiculousness. And everyone fucked with Rachel in that room. Rachel played along. What happens next? Boredom everywhere, except for the promise of some hope leading into a potential cesspool. Should I try to live to see if the cesspool is okay? Maybe. We shall see.

Sunday Therapy Notice

Today's therapy assignment is to address Rachel's mistreatment over her Facebook page. "You lose friends for being funny." As this issue wore on, actually, I don't even care anymore about "likes." No matter what I do, I get unfriended. Actually, old issue. "Get over it Rachel! Old issue!" No, actually, I don't know if anyone is actually saying this but this might actually be some sort of therapy issue to resolve here. Actually, no not everyone's mean. Something weird. I started posting in 2013 on Facebook, there goes my friends list right there. "You lose friends for being funny." This has caused me emotional problems. Therapy? Maybe. Where to start? Posting here.

Atheism: The Biggest Evil

Atheists and there big ego construct about being smart. Well, simple as... We don't believe in fairy tales. Remember Santa Claus? We learned our lesson! HAHHAHHAHHAHHAHA!!!! Well, humans developed Santa Claus though... Humans, well if you can't trust conventional wisdom, what can you trust then? EGO!!! EGO!! MUST FEED EGO!!! CRISIS!!! LIVER FAILURE!!! LIVER FAILURE!!!... The end?

Stamina, Stamina, STAMINA

So, my existential crisis of the moment... Don't get this confused with an "existential crisis" though. Powering through life with Delusions of Reference takes Stamina. So does messaging Jason and not getting a response, yes. What is your problem? What is your problem? Well, it helped me through the moment. Did I say anything wrong though? THAT'S NOT IT. THAT'S NOT IT. It was this fucking Fish Out of Water Story, etc. The messages themselves were not the problem. Well... Back to stamina. I have to use stamina to sort through, well what about this? What about this? No gloat. Then... "Well, I wish I were still alive so I could AT LEAST have the pleasure of reading a message from you Rachel, now that I'm dead." Then... "Well, use Rachel's motto, what ever keeps me going through the minute..." "Well now I'm mad there is clear evidence she was right about Fish Out of Water Psychology. I am just so fucking embarrassed I can't live THAT mistake down." To... "Force her to kill herself! That will keep me going, like Rachel's life motto!" To... Rachel says, "I was right about Fish Out of Water Psychology, you are punishing me. There is a difference between a drink and forced suicide, Jason." And every second I sit here, I know I can't die and that takes stamina.

Handing Out Business Cards Around the Neighborhood Rumination Topic

I do not have business cards. True. Never have. I don't interact with kids except smiles. And... But no litter. Yeah? No litter. If there were business cards, you would see them all over the neighborhood. Never, but huh. But if... One time she did hand out a business card, or someth'. Yeah... No, no one thinks you hand out business cards to kids. Hmmm... This is just a thought process I am thinking with my region 9. Umm... Moving on. No more.

Bible-Thumper's Go To Book Is the Bible Only

Classic situation on the internet, as I receive word. A Christian quotes scripture. "And why? What reason do you have that I should trust your sacred holy book? And please, don't quote scripture here for an answer." And the Christian says... "Well, I'm going to anyway..." Don't mind if I do... Going to anyway... I have the upper hand because it's scripture and so I think... Just a thought. Ba doom cha! Remember, huh... Suicide for Hire again?

Dumb-Ass Fuckery DEFINED!(one or dumb bitch giggle)

You know, you can make all the jokes you want about my brain. Superior, no. Designed specifically for a situation that includes BOTH dramatic Facebook Posts and endurance of ridiculous trauma. So... Do I envy anyone else in the world? Absolutely not. I am on a mission here, God-ordained, got it okay. You think? What else... The Four Agreements which Innercept likes to think is powerful, suggests and demands, do not make assumptions. You think? You think. Wisewords of Hugh, "Why are you paying attention to the Christian Elite?" They do what they do, you and your Jesus Complex, damn. No one cares okay, except to say that Jesus... Is... Coming... Here. The hour? No one knows. The time? No one knows. And the accuracy of every single statement in the Bible... Actually, to be true, I think God said THAT RIGHT THERE for a reason. Romans 1:24-32. That's what God did say, actually with that particular statement... Word of God. But was he being serious? Yes but... Stick together as humans and stick around, let's wait for Jesus Christ to make His remarkable statement. I believe in this situation with all my heart.

The Old Adage

The old adage I heard in regards to a nicotine pending emergency, ye ole rubber band method. Snap a rubber band to hit yourself. Anyway. I don't think you're stupid for mentioning it, but right now that solution sounds like some advice I heard at the hospital awhile ago that I always chuckle at. A random staff member said, "I advice you take both Clozaril (suppresses all forms of dopamine at the same time!) AND a medication to suppress nightmares." Precisely. I think that is a funny joke. But however, you know, if you mess with brain processing it will also umm, technically possibly completely eliminate your conscience.

Ruminations on Human Kindness

The thought that spurred this article was the treatment of the mentally ill. If someone feels mistreated by society, they get pissed off and take it out on society. Basic fact. I try my hardest not to return the disrespect to others that I have been given by life. I consider myself a kind person and... Anyway, what else? Bragging about being nice, huh? Well, currently I have so much pent up rage from my situation. It is starting to come to the point where I mess up frequently trying to hide it. "DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME TELLING YOU ALL THE TIME AT THE BEGINNING OF MY STAY AT INNERCEPT THAT IT WAS A BAD IDEA?! YOU DON'T?!" "Excuse me, sorry for yelling." I am always working on trying to improve myself. That's true. Do I feel compassion for others that is true? At the risk of sounding like a sociopath, which is a fear of mine in this situation that unknown strangers will perceive it that way... Actually, I'm concerned with the situation where there's this sense of always winning the better person contest in every situation. Wow, what a crutch! What if I didn't have THAT at least?! Maybe any comparison shouldn't ever come up at all between people. Complete apples and oranges, comparing people with each other. I remember what my guides said about the topic I don't like which is empathizing with humiliating situations when you were the victim of their hatred or blatant disrespect. "If you wanted to grow even more, which you do, you would understand something it takes wisdom to understand. In a subtle way, that implies you expected them to humiliate themselves because you don't have enough respect for them. You are supposed to feel let down. Now, what does the let down emotion (or whatever, thought process etc, I don't want to feel pain) actually look like? You figure that out." As an Early Virtuous Soul, I understand, as Jason pointed out, "That's the funny thing about them. They just hate pain. They hate the concept of pain and want to try to get rid of it." Most notably when it comes to others. In social situations, they would rather feel pain themselves then someone else, if possible. "Get rid of pain altogether. What a lovable quirk!" That's a quirk that dark souls like (to abuse, or Spirit Sex stuff). I see room for improvement in myself on the topic of treating others with TRUE respect. I already treat others with respect. But is the respect true enough? That's the question. I think I do but I could challenge myself to be more humble. That's what I'm thinking about. Simultaneously, I get treated with such disrespect on a regular basis that I wonder if these two things clash. However, if you want to know what I am working on the hardest, it is patience with the mindflip. There are things that are easy for other people's brains that are hard for mine. It seems unfair until you remember that getting frustrated or asking for help in a situation like this rubs people the wrong way. Something that probably happens plenty, I stumble in a situation that seems easy for other people and other people might think that was an embarrassing situation for me. Well, the mistake was forgivable because I understood it, but that might have looked weird to the other person and I keep thinking about that. There have been a grave number of situations with the mindflip where I have been misunderstood for that reason. I can't imagine how many soul traits you might grow in from working all the time trying to operate an "alien brain." For the time being, I have to push myself all the time, and one of those ways is to appear normal and not make ridiculous looking mistakes that others wouldn't make. All the times I could have possibly weirded someone out with something that was an issue due to the mindflip, makes my head spin and mind boggle. The blood pressure example is what spurred this thought process today, even though I think about it a lot. One time quite awhile ago, I think 2021 at Pearl House, I was being transported to the hospital and they took my blood pressure. It was 150 over something. I pointed out that was very elevated to me (weird even for the stress of the situation, but I don't know about that). The guy in the ambulance hesitated or responded with some social/emotional cue I don't remember now. I said quietly to myself, "blood pressure is a competitive thing." THAT RIGHT THERE. THAT COULD BE SOMETHING THEY HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH ME ABOUT, THAT COMMENT. Well, I made no assumptions about that guy it was a personal reminder that others have egos. Which is the actual point of annoyance, sometimes I forget that I have to take into account things about life that might be ego points. I thought nothing of this comment here, until I was being discharged from the ER the other day and it included a warning about high blood pressure (over 120). Okay... I get my blood pressure checked on a very regular basis and normal for me is low. You know, I almost wondered if they just said that in the report to mock me about that one time in the Ambulance. Why is 120 over whatever a problem given the very high stress level of the recent ER incident? No idea. No idea. They could have put that in the report just to mock me. That wasn't the worst part of the report though, it was there medication recommedations which I know were simply recommendations. Moving on. Does the Bible explicitly forbid making claims about your own character? No, I don't think it does. That's a situation I look back and think about. Relaying information, my spirit guides said I was a virtuous soul. So however people react... Well, what are they going to do? Sit around and mock/grumble in a giggle/hate fest. And if they actually grumble or take it out on me personally... I hypothetically grow even more in that trait. I don't regret saying that, though I think back and think huh most of the time you shouldn't point it out but I did... Indeed. However, the thing I worry most about is... The thing I worry most about is... I have to take a stand on a cause I think is stupid because well God clearly said so. And I can't prove that God said so. Right now.... Hallellujah praise Jesus! "Biding your time Jesus... Biding your time... The world is waiting."

Police, Providence ER, Are You Happy?

I'm trying to process what happened the other day. What I wanted to know is, after all has been said and done, are you happy? Did that situation make you happy? At the time, and afterwards? Are you satisfied? Was it worth it? I didn't know I was that hated by society. I am capable of dealing with the knowledge that yes Rachel, you are hated more universally than you assumed. Maybe I should not have called the police. Also, I tried calling other "support" people first. They did not pick up the phone. If they had picked up the phone, I might not have called the police. Too much stuff to say on this topic. My concern was if it is automatically assumed that I am lying about a health concern I express regarding medication, I don't want to deal with this place anymore. There's also the Zyprexa psychosis which might not be taken seriously because Rachel with your diagnosis that wouldn't happen. Zyprexa is not supposed to make you psychotic so we will not listen to that concern. That could be it, but that's not as important as... Yes, Trazodone causes me heart problems. You look up Trazodon online, it states very clearly that it can cause heart problems that require medical attention. On two separate occasions, I took Trazodone and had to endure a situation where my heart was scaring me and I was worried about it. So the police did come, yes. They already had a hold. And they had a nasty attitude about it. I begged and pleaded to them using emotion, please don't send me to the ER. So many reasons not too. But they were determined, and emotional pleases don't work. Then when I get there, apparently it's standard procedure to put me in restraints immediately. Did I do anything at all the indicated violence? No, they restrained me there, taunted me about how I had to lie down on the hospital bed in restraints. Why can't I sit up a little bit? BECAUSE I TOLD YOU TO. Lie down or they... Shove you back down on the bed repeatedly. Like that right there, I have no idea why it is important to them that I lie down on the bed instead of sitting upright slightly in restraints. They physically shove me down. On the way to the hospital, they taunt me about how I will also have to pay for this ambulance ride. I didn't say I was going to commit suicide. I said there is a 100% chance that I would regret committing suicide. Forget suicide entirely though, I do not want to carry out with a plan and I do not have a plan. See that right there... That traumatic experience is what you get for trying to advocate for yourself. What was the cause you were advocating for? Is it emotionally important to others in a really weird way like Bebe's boobs... NO RACHEL YOU DID NOT HAVE HEART PROBLEMS WITH TRAZODONE. That is important to all the people in your life, we will not accept that you had heart problems on Trazodone. And get this through your mind, the police are hateful and not your friends. And you have to be on medication that is detrimental or else we won't give you the time of day, no one will. What's my take? This is a "George Floyd" issue to me, once I get done drinking and feeling miserable over the topic. So police force and ER hospital staff, you got what you wanted. I asked for help, and you punished me for it. So I guess you are happy now. Are you?