Spiritual Musings on a Chemical World

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Happy Endings: A Work of Fiction

Something happened to you. What is it?

I like men now.

What does that mean?

I have a crush on Ronald Reagan.

I understand your problem, the therapist said to me.

I was told to go home now. I would receive my medication in the mail. I waited, and waited, and finally, it arrived. When it arrived, I watched as the medication became part of my body, and decided to eat paper. When I was done eating paper, I turned to ruminating on the past. When I was done ruminating on the past, I thought it was okay to eat some more paper. When I was done ruminating and eating paper, I became accustomed to loving my dog.

I went to the therapist again.

What happened? she asked.

I had sex with a dog. It was barking awesome. I looked at her and grinned.

When did this happen?

Yesterday evening before bedtime. Afterwards, I ate paper. It was gross but satisfying.

When will you learn the answer is medication? She asked.

I understand your issue, but I think the medication has some gnarly side effects.

Okay, let's try a different one on top of this one to get rid of sexual impulses.

I waited again to receive the medication in the male. I thought it was fun to make due with my body by orgasming on top of the kitchen counter. When I was done doing that, I got up and went to the mailbox. Three tablets of risperdal. I took them and was elated. The urges were gone!

I went into the kitchen and ate some more paper. This time I used my body to work on a problem I was having. My body was becoming one with the pavement again and again. So I decided to make more pavement in my mind to balance it out. As I was making pavement in my mind, the timer went off. Not knowing what was going on, I ducked. It was coming right for me! I looked up, and there it was. A piece of paper. I got out a sheet of notebook paper to eat, and ate all the paper in sight. Then, the medication took effect. I started eating melon. I thought melon was good, until I looked and saw my hands starting to bleed. As I looked at the blood, I melted into the floor. It was full of tiny holes. All these holes, all the places where the blood was missing. I became really enamored by the holes and imagined a girl full of holes, and wanted to screw each hole simultaneously with large little dicks. If this were a real girl, she would get upset. But this was a fake girl and she liked it. Then, the timer went off again. I realized that it was time for a nap. The medication was making me feel like I had a problem with my antelope reflex, and killed a dog in my sleep again and again. Afterwards, I went over to the counter to eat some more melon. We were not going to go to the store yet even if out of melon. It was time for a dose of risperdal. I took the risperdal and waited. It took a long time to take effect, and then I saw a few more holes I wanted to screw. Afterwards, I took another long napped and killed 8 more dogs. Then I went to the puppy shop to buy more dogs. I actually went in real life. After I was done buying dogs, I went home and wept. I wept because I had forgotten who I Really was. I wanted a dog, not a basket of puppies. But the puppies had no homes! I thought it was sad that so many puppies had no homes. I decided to make out with the puppies, but they bit my tongue and didn't use the right technique. Afterwards, I went down to the kitchen and ate some more melon. Then, it was time for a nap. I drank some cola and sat up. No more naps. I needed some drugs. 

I went back to the therapist.

Try adder all, she said.

I got to the mailbox and there was a five day supply of adder all. I went inside and took a couple more than were prescribed to make myself feel lighter. When the medication took effect, I looked down at my hands. They were full of hard ons. I decided to kill the hard ons with scissors. I thought it would be fun to eat the hard ons too, so I did that. Then, it was time for another dose of risperdal. I gladly downed the entire bottle, then stared at the kitchen counter. It was easy to remove my mind from the situation, but hard to make out with the counter in a clearly effervescent fashion. I needed more Adderall. I looked at my shoes and they had spots. They needed help. I decided that dogs had more spots than my shoes did so it was fine. I had fun with the puppies legs. They were all wiggly and made me giggly. I thought that was a funny choice of words. Then, a dog barked outside and they all growled. I thought it was cool when they growled. I made a growling noise myself but that made them all whimper. After that, I ate a bucket of koolaid and ate a picture of my mom. I remembered how much I hated her. She loved me so much because I was different. I remembered how much I hated her because she was weird. I brought home a picture of her one day and made a skull on it to symbolize how much I wanted her dead. That was when the timer rang again. This was nap time. I did not want there to be a nap time. There was no more Adderall. I decided to make some adder all. I got out the methlymanine and made Adderall. This home made speed did the trick. I bought five more puppies, killed them with kind words, and went back to the therapist. She admitted me to the hospital. I was shot up five times in the rear end with haldol. It made me nauseous. I screamed and she shot me up again. Each time I screamed I got another shot. It took five hours to subdue me plus many men. Afterwards, I ate soap. No one told me to I thought it was a good idea. After that, I looked at the woman in the face and ate a piece of cheese. She screamed and told me to quiet down. After that, I looked at her and made a face. She screamed and told me I needed another shot. After one more shot, I went to the ICU. They pumped my stomach for no reason. Then I went to the other side and met God. He told me I had a place in the world. It was a place to get rid of people like my mom. He told me it was okay to make faces at hospital staff it was funny. Then, I looked at the hospital staff and looked down. She was making a chart of my faces. They all looked bad. I told her to make a chart of happy things like clowns. She did not. She told me I needed another dose of haldol. I got another shot and slept for another five hours. They told me I was going to another hospital because I was out of whack in the chemical department. All the drugs were causing damage. After I got back, I went home and ate paper and drew a happy star on my forehead to symbolize a star student in the game of life.

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