Where do you go when your home is death? I don't know.
I hate my house very much. I hate the people who live here. I am so fucking sick of this place. I am ready to move out with anyone who offers to move me in. I am so sick of this dumbfuck house, with the dumbfuck parents and their dumbfuck medication.
It's a sad story, really. They don't know what's going on with me. So they assume the answer is more medication. Always the medication. It's sad really, how they think that's the only thing they have that will make me a good person. Another thing that's sad is when they get mad at me for talking to myself. I use speech to channel. I can't channel without talking out loud. I am always channeling. No Beev, the delusion didn't go away. I channel.
I hate my mother very much. She is the bane of existence. She is ugly on the inside. I think she needs to learn that medication doesn't help things as much as free enterprise. Another that doesn't help is lithium. Lithium is bad for my body when it is going through the recovery process. I will not elaborate.
Don't worry about me. The weirdest thing happened that I can't tell anyone about. No one wants to hear it, except the parents, and when they do hear it, we live it out with more hospitalizations and medications. My parents are sad individuals with underdeveloped souls. They think they care, but really, they just want me on more medication. The more medication the better.
I think it is time for a move. They will not agree and say they want me to be stable before I move. I think that is dumb. I am doing fine. I walk around the house and pace and they see that as a relapse.
Whenever I listen to my music, I feel like moving. I think it is okay to pace instead of going for a late night walk. A late night walk is bad for my body when it is going through the recovery process. Another thing that's bad for my body is sex. I think I don't need any sex.
Another thing that is good about Erik Wilson is that he is my best friend. I love him very much. I will join Scientology if this continues. I am very intrigued by its principles and love it very much. I think Scientology could help my issues better than medication. I think Erik and his family are great people.
Another thing about what I am going through is that this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, but I will be a stronger person in the long run because of it. My brain is processing the incidents, and makings sense of them. It is a long and harrowing process. Another thing about Erik Wilson is that he is a great man with brains. He knows how to use his brains. Another thing about Erik Wilson is that he is my best friend by far.
I think my parents are control freaks. They see one toe out of line and think hospital! The other day I was threatened with the hospital for not unloading the dishwasher. I asked him why he thought that was necessary. He said it was because I was slipping, my room was a mess and I was talking to myself. I wondered about his room. It's a mess too. He sleeps a lot and eats a lot of food, lots of bad food. He looks funny and says mean things all the time. He often does not unload the dishwasher himself. I think a hospital visit is in order.
Another thing that my mom said was an issue was that I was getting fat. She said this a long time ago because I was eating more food. She thinks this is grounds for going to the hospital. I wondered about this, because every time I go to the hospital I gain weight. Another thing about my mom is she is scared and frightened all the time. She needs to go to the hospital.
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