If you’ve read previous posts you already know that I wrote a magazine article, which I submitted to a magazine. I got a rejection, but based on what they said in the personal note they wrote me, and on the fact that I got a personal note in the first place, they did like it and seriously considered publishing it. So, as far as getting published goes, this means I got close but didn’t quite make it. I’ve since submitted to another magazine.
This was a short, just over two page double-spaced article. I’m more concerned about getting my book published, which is 370 pages double spaced. The article was in my opinion some of my best writing. My book isn’t poorly written but it’s hard to keep up a strong sense of voice for 370 pages. It was easy when it was just two pages.
Another thing I know is, writing is a magical process and it’s hard to just sit down and write something good at any random time. And if I didn’t do drugs, forget it, I wouldn’t be able to do it. I take these drugs legally (Adderall through prescription plus caffeine and nicotine gum). These drugs keep my thoughts from darting around randomly, and makes them flow in a conversational stream. I get caught on one subject, start feeling passionately opinionated about something, and that’s when the magic happens. That’s when I’m in the mood to write. That’s why I decided against going off Adderall.
But anyway, back to my book. So around the beginning of the year I wrote a new query letter, posted in on a website for writers, got positive feedback, and I have since resumed querying. I’ve sent out more than ten query letters and I have gotten back four form rejections. One thing you have to understand, though, is a lot of literary agencies don’t send form rejections, they simply don’t respond if they’re not interested. So that doesn’t mean I am awaiting at least six more responses, some of the others have probably passed on my project without the courtesy of telling me. But I should receive a few more responses.
So I am reminded of that common definition of insanity that everyone is familiar with. I feel like keep doing the same thing over and over again. But, come to think of it, I don’t really expect a different result, whenever I see a response to one of my queries in my inbox I fully expect a form rejection, and hey, it always is. But you haven’t failed until you’ve given up. I keep telling myself I’m not going to give up until I’m published. I’m really at a loss for what to do next, though. I kind of wonder if these agencies ever send out anything besides form rejections. I’m really, really frustrated. I don’t even feel guided anymore. I’m just standing alone in the middle of nowhere completely lost, without any means of moving forward. Perhaps I’m being too dramatic.
Honestly, I would have given up already, if it weren’t for the fact that I think that my book is the best fucking thing ever. Yes, it is. Sure, it’s a bit different from the other books on the market. There isn’t any book that I’ve heard of that I would compare it to. But different is a good thing, the way I see it. Some people have read (parts of) it and some of them also act like it’s the best thing ever. Trouble is, I get mad because I don’t think they really understand it. In order to understand my book, you have to have a good comprehension of what I believed when I was delusional. While reading about it, you have to stay on your toes, in order to properly digest the information I feed to you in that section of the book, and you have to do it in a hurry because I feed it to you fast. It’s also the kind of book that’s worth reading more than once.
But, to sum things up, my fight to get published isn’t over till it’s over. And, as of right now, it’s far from over. That’s all for now.
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