The Kind of Things that Only Happen to Me

Sometimes I think I just hold onto anger because it's fun.

I was doing research for a school project today, and something I was researching got me thinking. This is where things are vague. I was thinking about how curious I was about certain things. Then, I realized I might be happier not knowing certain things, because the truth would probably just upset me and piss me off. And a mild cloud of despair started to form, as I stewed in these thoughts, imagining what certain people might think.

And in this moment I realized something. I mentioned before there is someone whom I am angry at. And just in case someone comes across this who is aware of certain events in my life, let's just say it's someone you wouldn't expect. Before I was thinking I had gotten over the real sting of what they did, I just continued to seethe because, well, I like to seethe! But in this moment, I realized how much better off I'd be, how much more comfortable I'd feel if this person hadn't done what they did. And I felt justified in my anger.

So I sat there, thinking about how people just don't understand. If they had only known what things were like for me, they wouldn't be this way. But oh, I know how people are. They like to assume the worst. Sometimes I do this too, I assume the worst. If I didn't assume the worst, it wouldn't mean anything to me, what this person did. But when you don't have very much information to go by, you closely examine the information you do have, and draw conclusions based on it. I am very familiar with this.

So, I combat all this with hope and positive feelings about the future. I will publish my book, which explains my side of the story. And people will hear my side of the story. Of course no one would understand now. These are the kind of things that only happen to me.