Dependability

So, I sit here, chewing a piece of nicotine gum, and I am suffering from some massive writer's block. I like things that are dependable. That's why I like drugs. Everytime I chew a piece of nicotine gum, I know it will make me feel slightly better. It's not an intense high, but I've always preferred mild highs to intense highs. Some people say it's bad to be dependent on drugs, even legal drugs, but what else is there to depend on? I can't depend on people. Fuck relationships. And then you can like someone, and not be in a relationship with them, and you might think they like you because they act a certain way to you, but maybe they just act that way towards everyone. So asking people out is a risk. And on top of that, I'm in a program. So there's really no telling what's going to happen. But I know that everyone deals with rejection, so if I just don't even bother because there's that possibility, I'm being a freaking coward. Otherwise I wouldn't even be considering it. But I envy people in happy relationships, and that's the only way to get into a happy relationship. Anyway...

And then there are my feelings about the future. For some reason I feel that this is my lucky year. Except that I know, funny feelings can be incredibly unreliable. So there's that uncertainty. And I know that when it comes to getting advice/opinions/predictions from other sources, like psychics whom you have to pay, you really just shouldn't even bother. I've said this before. Never, never, never bother with psychics. Yet, I was the one filling out a special request not long ago to see a psychic.

You can depend on the past. Yet even that may never have even happened. So I guess, the only thing you can be certain of is this present moment. And right now, this present moment kind of sucks.