So I'm sitting at the library, and I really feel like writing so I'm going to write but I'm trying to organize my thoughts enough so that I can write about something and not have it turn out incoherent and all over the place.
I find myself confused. There are things on my mind that I really wish I knew the answers to, and then there are things that I'd kind of like to know the answers but I don't really need to.
Sometimes, you "just know" things. But the thing is, sometimes you "just know" something, and what you just know isn't so. Then again, sometimes it is, and when it is it's like, "wow, no one told me that, I just suddenly realized it and knew it was true and wow, I was right!" So how do you tell the difference?
One thing I've learned is to trust your past experience. Ask yourself, what does this experience remind you of? What happened then? Trouble is, sometimes what you're currently experiencing doesn't match with anything from the past.
I've got about a million things on my mind right now, but I'll focus in on one of them. The things that people tell you in your dreams. I had a dream a couple nights ago where I was receiving information from the great beyond. Actually, what was happening is my psychic sister was whispering information to my mom and she was telling it to me. She told me something that made me extremely happy. And I started freaking out! Like seriously, I was freaking the fuck out, because I knew I was receiving this information from a reliable source, and I had just heard exactly what I wanted to hear and I knew it was a dream so that means I was lucid but in most lucid dreams it can be extremely hard for me to stay asleep. I wake up very easily from lucid dreams. But I was going crazy in this dream and I still didn't wake up.
It's weird, because right now I'm staring at what I just wrote, and I've realized that the process of writing that last paragraph convinced me that the information I received was true.
I've said before that you should heed what people tell you in dreams. This is true. Except, they've told me conflicting things. See, I have trouble with my love life, or lack thereof. I have trouble finding people who are interested in me, and when I do, I'm not interested in them. I had a dream a month or so back where someone told me I'd never be in another relationship again. A couple nights ago in the dream I was just talking about, someone told me I'd be in a relationship again before I turned 26. That isn't what I got excited about, I'm not going to say what I got excited about. Later on in the dream, someone told me the thing I got excited about wasn't true. But that was later on in the dream, and the spirits may have left at that point if they had ever been present, as spirits can only stay for so long, because even in dreams mediumship requires you to raise your vibration and the spirits to lower theirs, and this is difficult and the connection doesn't last very long.
I was and still am fully convinced that the night the spirits told me in a dream to leave Innercept, I was talking to the spirits. I'm not fully convinced that the other night I was making contact with the spirits or my great infinite wise self or whatever. It might have meant something, but I'm not sure. Thus why I am confused. I'm also confused at why they told me something good and then took it back. But I feel it might be because they didn't want me to be too sure about this, because then it might not happen, and also because the future is supposed to be a mystery.
Life is all about surprises. Some people hate surprises. That's too bad for them, because life is about surprises. You've got to learn to live with it.
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