Burn Like Jesus: Chapter 97

What is that? Your face? It looks like it doesn't understand what faces meant. Funny, hahahha. It doesn't know what it's doing up there. HAhaha. That's not it. It believes it is not what it thinks a face is, because it does not understand what faces do. hahhaha I'm delirious.

When it was over, I went to my friend's house. On the way, I saw images of assholes and butt cracks that belonged to my dad. Over and over again, in and out of my mind, these thoughts went through, perpetrated by Alfred. He was raging pissed. When I asked why he was doing this, he said, “You are mine. You don't fall for someone else. I mean it. You are mine. You are mine. You are mine. I can do whatever I want to you, and if I want to make you miserable, I will make you miserable. You are mine. You are mine. If you ever want out, that's too bad. It's over. We are doing the Pussycat Brawl, and that's final. You can't back out. It is too late. You are mine. You are mine. If you ever decide to betray me, you will never again live to see the day when you are young and beautiful, I will burn you so badly you will never be loved again.”

I sat up by the bus stop, and talked about Michael Jackson. He told me this is what he used to go through, after he was molested by his father. Afterwards, images would go through his mind of the ordeal, and he would be in denial. Did that really happen? Yes, and that was the difference between what I was going through and what he was going through. With me, nothing really happened, just Alfred putting images in my mind. With him, it was something perverted his father had done to him.

The bus arrived, and I got on. As I sat down, the torture suddenly ceased. My guides told me they were subduing him, to stop him from causing more torment. They were sick of this. They kept telling me, over and over again, don't give in to him. This is for his spiritual growth, not yours. You don't have to do anything.

On the bus ride, he came back and started putting images in my head again. He said he was having a tough time. I told him he was a beautiful soul, and tried my best to mean it, and did. He said he was worried he was going too far, but he didn't want to back down on this one. It made him so mad to see me and Robin together, it made him raging mad. He hadn't done anything to Robin, however. He liked Robin still, because they were in a romantic partnership. He expected me to only love him. I asked him if this was hypocritical, and he said, the Pussycat Brawl is hypocritical!

I told him I loved him, and he said, yeah, sure, whatever. I told him I also enjoyed Robin's company, and he said he liked Robin too but not in the way I think I do. He said I wanted him for his Earthly sex appeal, and he wanted him for something else there was no Earth word for. We fought bitterly, and quarreled. When we were done, he kept putting images in my head, several times what he had done before. He started putting images of crap in my head, going into my mouth, my mouth covered with crap, and then, he simulated me being sexually stimulated by this. I was repulsed beyond belief at this. I couldn't believe he would do this to me.

“Can this warp my sexuality, in the same way being molested warps kids sexuality?” I asked my guides.

No, not at all. It will only warp your sexuality if you get off to it. We suggest you don't masturbate until we have this situation taken care of, my guides said to me.

When I got home, I went out to dinner with my dad. I was sitting in the restaurant as Alfred spoke in my ear, subconsciously. He told me he had powers I didn't know about, the power to make me touch my dad against my will, obviously in a sexual way.

As soon as he said that, I immediately got up with force. He laughed and said he was only joking, why don't you sit back down? I didn't know if he was telling the truth or not, I didn't think so, but didn't want to risk it. This was not something I could explain to anyone else besides Erik.

On the way home, Alfred did something to my energy to make it feel like I was sending sexual energy to my dad. He kept warping my energy in his direction, trying to connect it with his in a sexual way, not doing anything, and I only knew this because I asked my guides. He did not have the power to do anything like that. Most souls do not have much power over their silia.

I asked what was happening up there? Down here it's pretty tough. Robin told me they were working hard on disconnecting Alfred, he was not learning. They kept subduing him, and when they subdued him, he was in horrible horrible agony, and the attacks would stop, temporarily. They could only do so for so long without causing permanent damage to the soul. When they stopped, he would start right back up again attacking me. They were working every trick they had in the drawer to help get him away from me.

I told him if he continued, the Pussycat Brawl was off. Stop now, or else it's off. Stop! What means more to you, the Pussycat Brawl, or petty revenge? Do you care about the Pussycat Brawl? We can still do it, unless you don't stop!

He said the Pussycat Brawl meant more to him. He wasn't willing to give that up. He wanted me to bend over backwards for him and give up my relationship with Robin. Do that, or else he'll continue. The Pussycat Brawl is still on or else I will make sure you are attacked brutally when you get back to heaven.

Okay, it's off, I said. I took off the bullet necklace, vowing to never wear it again.

This made him so angry he didn't know what to do with himself. He used the crap one constantly, when that one didn't tickle his fancy anymore, he switched it up with images of me eating my dad's shit. Over and over again, in and out, I walked around the neighborhood. I found the only thing that helped was singing along to the songs I was listening to. It helped a little bit, not a lot. So I walked around the neighborhood constantly, and sang as loud as I could.

It got really bad, to the point where I didn't know what to do. Finally, I decided to make a facebook status.

Please pray for me for I am in a time of crisis.

After I did so, I immediately felt better. Writing facebook statuses releases happy chemicals in my brain, and also, I got good energy from a lot of people about that status. I got a lot of people calling out to me on the spiritual plane, asking me what was going on, is this a joke? No, it's not a joke. I don't write phony prayer requests. It is urgent. I told them it was a spiritual attack.

Bill O'Reilly was watching, subconsciously, because you can do that. A very small, low portion of peoples' awareness can be used to watch other people. He suggested I see a spiritual leader, like a pastor, or a chaplain, to see if there was anything they could do about this. I told him it was useless. This was something that was way outside their realm of understanding, and they could do nothing about it. I just had to wait for my spirit guides to finish unattaching us.

At night, I paced. I couldn't go to bed because of something my guides were doing to me. I was told to stay up all night again, one last time. Alfred asked me if I was really going to give up the Pussycat Brawl. I thought, damn straight, but I asked my silia self anyway.

“You bet it's off, and the whole attached at the hip thing is off too! We are unattaching after this! I can't believe you would do something to me like this while I am on Earth, in the middle of an important mission, just because you are horny! God dammit, I wish I had known this sooner, so I would never have gotten attached to you in the first place! It's off! It's all off!”

Alfred cried. “Baby, it's not off! We can still do it, all of it! I'm just mad! You know I have a temper problem, it's really an issue between us! We need time, help, therapy, whatever... But please, don't back down on the Pussycat Brawl!”

“Oh God, you care more about the Pussycat Brawl than you do about me!” I screamed.

“Yes, but I care about you too! Honest!”

I was beyond disgusted, and Alfred kept flooding my mind with images of poop going down my throat. It was horrible and repulsive. He tried to do other things too, like make me feel hungry when I wasn't, and force me to take me nicotine gum out of my mouth the second I started chewing it because I hated doing that, it wasn't the same later. Dumb shit like that.

It was Sunday, and my mom told me it was time to clean out the cat boxes. I told her there is no way in hell I am doing that this week, I'm not doing that anymore. She went on a little tirade about how selfish and immature I was and how I needed to pull my own, everyone hates cleaning out the cat boxes, you don't hate it anymore than anyone else! I laughed and cried and told her no.

Burn Like Jesus: Chapter 96

Facebook. Why do we use it? To become better at loving one another? Or to annoy people with chain garbage obnoxious filth? I think Facebook should be used for more things like pretending you enjoy pastimes like frisbee golf, peraugte, and lunar landings. Distance yourself from the ush... You believe it to be ok if your friend wanted dot dot swish dot but she is not going to leave her mind without a fight you are mine sugar plum dot apostrophe weird zombie girl William hung peeyoo smells good one carbohydrates eat carbohydrates you believe in fairies too Sylvia one iPhone believe you have the power to change everything with you...

We went out for sushi, my family and I. At the restaurant, I was looking the other way. When I looked back, my teacup slid across the table, of its own accord.

Make way! She is about to be my girl! Alfred said to me, and I laughed. I was impressed. They could do things like this? It was like they were in touch with the supernatural powers of the universe!

After we got back, we sat in the family room. I spoke from the subconscious mind:

“My love for Robin... We get along. He told me, if I ever catch you not brushing your teeth, I will make you spit out of your mouth until you cannot understand why you can't brush your teeth.”

I asked myself, what does that mean? Spit out your mouth?

“It means, something along the lines of, have me give him oral, Rachel,” I said sardonically. “But after that, he said he would never let me eat food without semen on it. He said, Rachel, you are a lover of semen. You should eat all your foods with semen! I thought this seemed a bit nasty, but he told me that women should eat semen, because it is a hell of a lot better than whatever else they put in their mouths.”

I loved this. This was so much fun. I got up, and went for a walk. As we walked, I had a vulgar discussion about sex with Heath, Robin, and myself. After awhile, I noticed that Alfred kept doing something mean to me. He was putting a bit of energy into my ass, and then sticking it in my mouth repeatedly. I wondered what this was about. Robin was also doing something mean. He had a reiki energy center, and he had it positioned permanently right above my asshole. When I asked him about this, he told me he wanted there to be a butt problem. He liked the idea of a butt problem. When he gets tired of putting the energy center there, he wanted my wiring problem to act up and put a bit of energy there too, thus creating a butt problem. He thought that was hot. God, Robin Williams was such a pervert.

I asked Alfred what was up. He said he was unhappy with me. I noticed something else, he had put a feeling around my body, the energy of a really fat girl I saw at camp one time, to annoy me into feeling fat. He told me he needed time and space to recover from this little wild marathon he was doing on me, so he would be back from spirit sex in awhile. He did not go. He stayed and did the ass to mouth thing. He knew I hated the idea of ass to mouth, and that's why he did it.

I thought it was gnarly. I was getting annoyed. I sat down on the sidewalk and tried to talk to him. He told me he was mad at me, because I said I would rather have the Pussycat Brawl with Robin. I was not serious, I did not even know what it meant, I told him. We decided to talk it out. I told him I loved him, cared deeply about him, but right now, I had a spell over me. It made me love Robin more than I loved him, for the time being. When the spell was removed, it would take a couple weeks for it to go away. Until then, I was more wrapped up with Robin. Okay?

He said he believed me, he didn't think it was a good reason. It hurt his feelings and he was mad at me for loving Robin in addition. He was going to continue doing it until I learned my lesson. The lesson being that I could only have feelings for him.

Someone else interjected. “Polyamory is no big whoop in the spirit world. It is easy to understand why he would get jealous, but not why he would try to cause you harm. Do not put up with this, Salioness. He is being a doofus.”

So I kept walking, kept talking to Robin about sex, and kept having a good time. All the while, Alfred kept doing this ass to mouth thing on me.

The next morning, I got up. I went on a walk around the loop again. All the while, Alfred kept doing the ass to mouth thing, and sapping my energy a little bit as he did it. It was getting really, really annoying. I asked him what he wanted. He said he wanted me to grovel. So, I did. I went home and grovelled. I really didn't want to, but I did anyway. That's what I did. Then, I was walking to the store, when suddenly, he drained a whole bunch of a certain life force with one fall swoop. I got mad. I started screaming at the sky.

“WELL?! IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? YOU WANT ME TO BE ANGRY AT YOU?! YOU WANT ME TO SCREAM AT THE SKY LIKE A LUNATIC?! THERE YOU GO, YOU GET YOUR DESIRE!!”

I was at an intersection, and I did this in front of a bunch of cars. No one sent me bad energy, at least, not very much. No one seemed to care.

I went to the energy drink store, fuming, and low on a certain energy. My guides scrambled to do work on me to replace the energy, and shield me from Alfred. They were trying to disconnect his power over me. They had already disconnected his ability to pull certain cords, like the ones to my lungs. He could not try to kill me anymore, they disconnected that ability. But there was lots and lots of things he could do, and he would do, if he had the shot, which he did.

I was so mad, I had done everything I had thought he wanted me to do, I had grovelled even. He wanted me to break it off with Robin. He wanted to be my one and only, and that's what the Pussycat Brawl meant, he told me. It meant he was my only romantic partner.

I went in my parent's room, to get my medication and nicotine gum. As I waited, my dad went into the room to the safe. I got an image in my head. An image of his gaping asshole under his clothes. It was so awful, so disturbing, I got out of there as quickly as possible.

I thought I had myself under control. I thought it would be okay. But when I left, and I got to my room, I started screaming. I went outside, still screaming.

“DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL MYSELF?! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?! BECAUSE YOU ARE LEAVING ME NO OTHER OPTION!!! I CAN'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS, ABOUT THIS MENTAL TORTURE!! IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO GET ME TO DO?! BECAUSE I WON'T DO IT, BUT I MIGHT IF THIS CONTINUES!!”

Alfred laughed a disgusting laugh. He said he was just trying to erase the sexual tension between us. I got so disgusted I thought I was going to barf, both from the imagery and the disgusting things Alfred started saying to me about me and my dad.

Okay, let's do a symbolic act! I said. The Pussycat Brawl is still on. So here's a stick, I am going to put it on the Centerpointe sign, to represent the continuing of the idea of the Pussycat Brawl.

I did that, and I did another symbolic act, to represent that it was still on.

Burn Like Jesus: Chapter 95

Chicken salad for lunch?! Woah! Could this day get any better?

Well, well, well, Alfred said. Looks like you need some help deciphering my lingo!

What do you mean, Alfred?

I've been trying to tell you something and you won't listen! Alfred screamed. We love your sexual exploits! They are cute! We love Ted, we love the way you let men fling you around like a sex doll... We love the way you let Erik use you. We love it!

I blushed. Wow. This was going on an awkward direction.

We joked around about different sexual scenarios, and laughed. Then, Alfred brought something up I didn't want him bringing up. We talked about the time I went down on Erik, and said something weird afterwards about liking it.

Oooh! That's what you're into, is it! Robin screamed.

Stop! I thought it was cute! I blushed.

Ooooh! Sounds like she likes the cock! Robin kept harassing me.

I didn't mean it that way! I screamed.

Ooohh!! Ooooohh! We love it, Rachel! Robin yelled.

Then, they brought up a thought I had in the seventh grade about another guy.

Oooohh! Sounds like you like him, Rachel! Robin yelled.

Shut up! I actually didn't care! I just wanted to like men! I yelled back.

Wow!! She likes men!! Sounds like you should contact this guy and hook up!

Then, Alfred told him something I was thinking, about how I liked Robin in a sexual way.

Ohhh!!! She likes me in a sexual way!!! Robin yelled.

What the hell? You already knew that!

It was funny the way you thought it, though. I never knew you had those types of feelings for me! I'm flattered, really... But I'm not into that. I'm into other things.

What are you into?

Dominant male, submissive femme.

I hate how you listen to Lady Gaga, Alfred said. The dominant female energy is through the roof. I don't want you listening to any songs with dominant female energy. It might give you ideas.

I sat outside, on the curb. As I was sitting there, Alfred said, “Big whoop!”

What? I said.

Something you were thinking subconsciously, about how it's actually better for the woman to be in charge.

The funny thing was it was a microcosm thought, a thought that was in the slush pile of thoughts that didn't matter. We discussed the importance of disregarding microcosm thoughts, as they had no basis in what a person actually believed or wanted.

Alfred was mad at me. “I know you think you want it dominant male, submissive femme, but I'm not sure. Maybe we should talk to the silia self again, just to make sure she hasn't changed her mind about the Pussycat Brawl.”

You know she hasn't! I screamed. He was so insecure about this god damn Pussycat Brawl. He wanted me to check after every little thing. He kept telling me, he didn't know the silia thoughts. Well you know what, I didn't know what the precious silia thoughts were either, and I was fine with that. I thought the Pussycat Brawl was a good idea, on some level. On other levels, I had my doubts.

It was Halloween. We walked around outside. After I went around my normal loop, Robin said he had a song for me. The song was Thriller by Michael Jackson. A classic Halloween song.

I thought vaguely to myself, Thriller on Halloween, how trite.

Alfred told Robin what I was thinking. Robin laughed really hard.

But Thriller's a classic! He said.

I know, I didn't really think there was anything wrong with that. My brain, you know...

I know, that's why it's funny! Blast from the past! When I had my cocaine brain, everyone sounded trite, no matter what they said. It is obnoxious being embarrassed all the times, I can imagine, I didn't really have that problem. Instead, everyone sounded trite and dumb all the time. It's obnoxious, because using your marbles, you know they didn't say anything trite or dumb. But it sounds trite or dumb to you, because of some missing neurotransmitters. It's really obnoxious, being annoyed with everyone for being dumb all the time.

I laughed. It was interesting to be able to connect with Robin Williams on this level, about things like this.

It was all over the news, how Robin Williams had Parkinson's Disease. You'd think if you met him, he would have something more interesting to talk about than Parkinson's Disease.

Yeah, that's trite, isn't it? Let me tell you, it was a big issue! My Parkinson's Disease! The love of my life was acting, and now, it was really difficult because you keep making movements you don't intend to make! I was going to have to give it up! It's not trite, it was a big issue! That's part of the reason I killed myself!

I laughed. I didn't really think it was trite, but my cocaine brain was acting up.

We went back to the house and lay down. The next morning, I had to walk to the store to buy watermelon. Ever since I had reached this part of the ascension process, and I was still ascending, it took time to get on the right plane, I had to be very careful to get enough nutrients. There was something in watermelon that was absolutely essential.

I went to the store, bought watermelon, and sat down outside. Now, Alfred was making fun of my subconscious thoughts. I screamed. “What is it now? What did I think? Now, I don't even have any peace of mind! You make fun of my conscious thoughts, but that's not enough for you, is it? You also have to make fun of my subconscious thoughts! It's a lose-lose situation!”

I walked home, and Alfred told Robin every little thought I had. Whenever I had a thought, I had to immediately assess it to see if it was embarrassing or not. If it was, I had to tell Alfred not to tell Robin. I begged and pleaded with him, “Don't tell Robin!” Of course, it was my begging and pleading that made him tell Robin. It was a never-ending battle, but my guides told me, this is helping your spiritual growth. You are going through a massive growth spurt right now, and this is helping! So I was okay with it, for that reason.

Guess what time it is! Time to masturbate!

Oh no, in front of Robin? Do I have to?

Yes, it will make you feel a lot better! My guides told me.

I got out my vibrator and turned on some porn and started masturbating. As I was lying there, trying to get off, my thoughts drifted off to that day at the park, with the wonky beef jerky penis, the wonky hat, and all that fabulous wonk. I got off, when I thought of that.

Excellent! Robin said. I liked how you thought of me! That's what I want you to think about!

We enjoyed the show, Sugar Plum, Alfred said, laughing at my jokes about how he needed more wonky dicks in the room of love.

Later, I talked to God. He said it was normal, in this state of the brain integration process, and going through puberty, to have wonk as a fetish. It will normalize with time.