Dreams and Their Pesky Ways

I woke up yelling and groaning from a dream last night. I was staying at a hotel with my parents, but they were still awake. When I woke up in the morning I remembered how I had woke up yelling, I didn't remember what the dream was about at first but then I thought about it and I remembered. There were two people who were the same. I think one was a girl and one was a guy. I was the girl. The thing was, everyone was supposed to be different, so I had to pretend to be different than I actually was. We had a plan about how in the end we were going to reveal ourselves to be the same, but it was nearing the end and it wasn't working out like I had planned, either the other guy backed out or I forgot the plan or it just wasn't working, and I was going to be labeled as mentally incompentent.

This parallels my life weakly but not exactly. Sometimes I relive hard things I've been through in dreams. None of these things happened when I was in treatment. They're things that happened years ago, that I should be over but I'm not. Sometimes it's about my "mental illness," but the thing I'm thinking about was something that happened leading up to the onset.

It happened when I met a guy who liked me. After a few days, I realized that I liked him too. Then he started being rude to me, treating me disrespectfully, and he wouldn't let me hang out with him. And I never got over it. Even now, I'm not over it. I hardly new him.

I feel that my dreams mock me sometimes, by bringing to the surface feelings I would rather were left buried. I lived it once, and it's over. Why must I live it again? I curse these dreams and their pesky ways.

Actually, I love dreams. You just have to admit that some dreams are rather annoying.