Developing Kindness: Forgive Preachy Hypocrite Assumption, of me

To develop kindness, the spiritual model is to start by devoting emotional resources into vicariously feeling pain over other's problems. This results in a decisive effort to solve the problem, and after you do so, you can learn to practice sympathy, not empathy, especially when dealing with Earth Plane horrific situations. You don't want to empathize with everything. You first learn empathy. Than you learn to block it out, and respond.

Also, in regards to Jodie. The call in I got from her in the shower was that you learn to distance yourself from situations when you blame the person.

I have had people look at a spirit-induced (fake) embarrassing look on my face, and not believe it and laugh it off, practically. That's what it seems like, given the situation. Don't believe my facial expression? Good, because the spirits mess with that too and that means you have proper empathy, or sympathy in this situation (not sure, have not asked).

With regards to puberty, you have to start by minding your own business when it comes to other's problems. When others reach out to you about their issues, then you can give your input and focus on installing a solid base of empathy. This is something that takes numerous lifetimes and work on the other side to develop, and sometimes the process is ugly.

Only then, can you reach the Golden Standard and complete unity with Christ. I was told to say Buddha instead though, so praise be with him as well.

A Vortex Hot Spot For Jason's Will and Energy

The situation reached a marked heated spot when Jason came out of the bed, and bounced around the room, taunting me with lines I had to strain my ears to hear. It wasn't really him, as I knew, this was the person I had been cuddling each night through the mattress, though. I had to be drunk to withstand this torment, it was hateful and bitter. At the liquor store, the woman didn't bother to ID me and I had my ID.

This part was not that long, as it was July turning into August. If there is a part I forgot, of the heated battle, I will remember later and note. The part I wanted to explain, was how we were in some sort of lock, the witches, Jason, and I, we were in some sort of lock as I reacted with indifference to his hate, than he sent woo. "Hey, what's this? Don't go limp, don't go limp, don't go limp you empty void of a person... GOD..." Yes, Jason... I was right it was sexual wooing energy all along. He was in over his head though, still.

Each night, my wind down routine included plugging in the phone, and plugging in the computer.

Then, Jason got a supernatural knife, made use of the connection we had to try to cut my aura at the heart while I was sitting on the bed, I had to get away from the bed, but instead I drank liquor and that worked quicker. I had no resting or sitting spot, and the bed was a vortex hot spot for Jason's will and energy. He did not succeed at cutting, and I don't remember what happened at this point. I had to be wasted, and he was pulling me from a distance, than Witch C came up, fired a bunch of warning shots, and at night was in my bed comforting me through the mattress, as its a traveling spot for human souls. A place of easy entry, or easy reaching, and a window of opportunity if you like to leave the mattress at your own place. There was no place to sit or perch.

Sleep Was Easy..

"Stuff a cock in it, we'll have you committing suicide either by midnight tonight or tomorrow by noon lunch hour." The new witch in charge invited with a furious tone.

"No, I make the rules around here. This is my turf."

Ooh, I bet you didn't think of... He put into my frame of vision a hamburger with cheese, and I sucked a breath in with enthusiasm and then pushed it out.

"Tell me, tell me, honey, sweetie, what is your worst fear..." Ian cooed to me, pretending to be Alfred.

"You know what it is and that's secret, dum-dum-fuck." I retaliated and the first shot was hired, which I was quick to block.

"Well, we'll need a neat playlist for the occasion..." I whispered, then reached over with my hand for the computer. I was hit by two more spells, got back up, and went through my music library, scrolled, and put on a song to shoot magic to.

"Ooh, Nelly Air Force Ones. Good grief.." Ian tickled his ear and yawned. I yawned as well.

"Geez, this song brings back memories..." I was reminded and did not hesitate to point out to them, I remember listening to this song with my mom, and I remember walking around the loop in 2020 wearing my mom's shoes, and my mom during the after effects of Fish Out of Water Psychology was placed in my mind and then..."

They groaned. Geez, "what a hot tapestry of emotionally charged incidences,"

Jason took the clit pounder, and pounded my clit while saying "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom..."

"You have a point there?" I retorted, with unwavering strength as if this had not bothered me in the slightest.

Fury raged through Jason, I could feel him sending anger and hatred.

"Well, this song here will calm the mind..."

I played NF Time. It was a song that was on the radio as I was being transported in 2019, after thinking that Jason and I would be hitched.

Then, I fell backwards in slumber. I fell right asleep.

When I awoke several hours later, there was a hubbub of Jason going nuts, the witches were holding him back as he wanted to burst forward.

"Ha. You die now."

"Outstanding! Can you send a ladder so I can climb out of this dilapidated shack known as Pearl House?"

"Suck a cock, like you know how to!" Jason screamed. "How dare she! How dare she bring that up..." he burst forward and started doing a spell, a killing spell, I fell back and lied there, then lost consciousness. I drifted in an out of consciousness, in when Jason started doing the kill spell again, out when he lost his nerve and back to sleep I went.

In the morning, I woke up with a cheery smile. Gee, Jason, I sure hope you did some permanent damage that will hasten the death process considerably.

I had had a dream about being molested. I was living my life, and it turns out I was blocking something out: I was molested. Then, I realized I was blocking something else out... I was still being molested. Then, I figured out I was blocking something else out: My life had consisted of nothing but being molested, and it was still going on.

And an image of a golf puck.

[Abrupt Ending]

The Next Morning...

I awoke from a dream. I do not remember the dream, but Subbie said something, upon waking. "Let me show you something right here." I closed my eyes and started to drift off, and my focus went to a small stairway and someone hiding with a flashlight and evil intentions, right next to it. "Jason is still not done."

I had to sleep each night on the mattress, the same one Jason did some sort of sexually aggravating spell on me on. I couldn't lie down in the bed without trying to grab Jason, and imagine in a delusional way that things were fine between us. This was still a struggle I was going through. He was the only person within range of me on the spiritual plane, and he was the only person who was actually real to me, in a certain way.

Jason could feel it when I rolled around on the mattress and tried to grab for him. He got so pissed off he started fighting me again, for that reason alone, the mattress issue. I turned the mattress over which helped the problem, to some degree.

"I can't help it that I'm not blind. I can't help it that I'm not blind." Jason kept saying, he said it to Subbie and I heard it consciously. I eventually figured out why he said this. He had placed an emotional connotation of him in my lamp, and I kept staring and talking to the lamp for comfort. When I figured this out, it made me particularly ill and I fell back on my bed in a frightening tapestry of imagining taking a knife and slitting my wrists, no, my throat to make it quicker. "Hmm. I did not like that," said Jason. Like a trooper I went downstairs, took a prn of Zyprexa, and went to sleep. Sleep was essential to getting through this ordeal, it was a magic bullet.

Untitled Witch Sequence

I was visiting my parent's house, and I saw the omen or visual my spirit guides were givine me, of wolves. In the distance, the witches were being hired by Jason again, and they were not friendly, like I was hoping to believe, even though that was stupid. I was in denial over the severity of the situation, I didn't want to think about the ill-will or hatred involved. It was an advantage that we weren't meeting face to face.

Back at Pearl House, something happened that took me off guard, and left me feeling a little defeated. Jason had hired an energy worker to cut the Adult Romance Cord that Jason and I had, which was a burn because the Adult Romance Cord is a cord related to conversation. This was his move to point out he did not like my messages. The cord immediately built back, and I was told that the energy worker he had hired got angry at him for this occurrence, he was harassing me or something. I could keep going, but that was an annoying blow.

Sometimes, when you do witchcraft, you try to present an emotional weakness that your target has, and it allows you to cast harmful spells. I have never read about witchcraft. I have only done a bunch of exercises with my spirit guides in altered states. At one point, they used the three years in elementary school with the social predicament, but this proved not to be a good one. I started teasing them with potential weak spots.

Necrophilia... Nope. Nice try.

"Ooh good one good one, where is your Facebook status on that incident?" The other witch retorted.

The Sims building files... Wooh, that's a burn right there! Save it for hell, as the hellfire will scorch a little more completely than this next exercise!

Ahhh... Diapers? Ha, yeah right that's old, not around anymore dumbass...

"That's the epitome of a lost cause, take your Facebook page down!" the witch said. That was presented as an alternative to suicide, which was bothering him.

Ahhh... I blocked the spells, it was easy. This right here... I presented an image of a rubber ball. "No? No? That's right, I don't get why that's a fetish for some. It's weird to me."

Then, there spell intensity started to weaken. "Should I give you a hand? You really haven't gotten me wanting to die, rather feeling quite chipper and cheery. Do you want to play a game?" I presented as a possible weakness, pretending that I was blocking it out but I pushed it into their scope of reference, an image of the pictures I look at to picture read.

Jason and the witch both did a facepalm or head to desk, and hesitated, and then Jason tried to use it to attack anyway, and so did the other witch or witches (if there were more than one, which I'm not sure). I blocked, with strength, dexterity, and extreme intensity... I blocked with memories of picture reading. That was an exercise that was easy and thorough.

Ooh, you're still wondering what I think about when I masturbate, aren't you? You think that's going to work, ha!

I headed downstairs for nicotine gum. I had a bad habit of pounding on all the doors downstairs to make it come quicker. Standing there waiting, I announced to Jason, perhaps moving my mouth or whispering, you know what I think about? All the stupid unfair occurrences in my life, and right before climax the word "Greta Thunberg." Just the word Greta Thunberg, not an image of her... I waved my finger in the air as I said this.

You said that's... "Fucking cool." I whispered in a deep voice, then pretended to fall over... "AHH!!! Don't quote me!"

I went back upstairs, and resumed fighting. The spells they were doing were not making any headway in getting me suicidal. At one point, I stopped the petty spells and used my psyche in a different way. On a subconscious level, I was waving a baton. It was an exercise I was immediately good at and this baffled me because I had never learned or practiced this time of spell work, I waved an invisible baton and the witches fell still and silent. This black magic was effective.

On The Day the Food Was Tainted

I dealt with that and did not end my life over it or feel weird. I went on to listen to No Doubt, and think about the social predicament when it started, and how my spirit guides used a spell to numb me that started immediately. They told me subconsciously one year in advance. The joke was, "Smooth sailin'.." I chatted to my bestie Jason's screen about this, then online I guess, because I'm always like look at me God works through me ha ha choke choke choke damn leave me alone guides. Then, I eventually took a Klonopin and went to sleep. I woke up, and realized something. I had a dream that was "Heart on the Loose," which was a goal point of mine that I wished so badly I was my future self, when I was younger and yonder.

Then, I received A Brain Mental Map in the form of Personal Unconscious Story A

After the incident at some guy's place I don't remember where he left, I was in one room, and I was doing counter spells and smoking... Jason was blocking out the high which is serious felony or damn issue to go nuts over by the heaven's public... I wrote in a message to Jason, Conscie just keeps going no.. No.. I don't want to hear anything about it. Like the livejournal quote, and Personal Unconscious Story A. I was reminded that I have a glitzy high-strung demeaner that people think is dumb funny but it's the result of travesties beyond normal comprehension, ones that make mortals scream and cry. I am not mortal, like some. I breathe fairy dust out.

Meanwhile...

These posts prior to this one, about magic, this was not what I was thinking about consciously during April/May of 2022. I was thinking about ways to make money, my hopeless love predicament... I knew what my life lacked was close friendship. That's the society approved answer, but I don't know how to have friendships. I drew a lot of tarot cards, wished for Adderall in my head (no curses for such), and hung out with the depraved victims of society smoking their meth. That's what I did, and drew the 7 of cups meaning self-delusion. And I went to the gym everyday. (and she went to the gym everyday, GOD... So Full of Fuck..)

Then, Beforehand

Something that happened that did not immediately get acclimated and processed as part of my life experiences at the time... Jason had some way of mashing my clit. At one point, he get a really powerful love/sex spell, that had me acting all sexualizing and beating against the mattress with all the sexual energy, no orgasm... He did that, then I had to deal with... Tainted food. Nothing was wrong. Then... The FBI caught it on camera. Jason came back, and texted me via Facebook Business page, an image of a monster that looked like it was about to slice open a victim's head, he said this was the monster who attacked, and he had been out putt-putt- golfing when I posted a video that said "STOP! JASON STOP!"

In my defense though, and I had the upper hand in this argument... You, Jason, are the only person in range of me on the spiritual plane, so I will continuously mind to the brain's abiity to fathom what was going on, and the issue wasn't the rape of my clit, it was Jason insulting me and then I repressed the memory but had that picture of the monster, which I stared at a lot, longingly or hopefully. Or maybe I was just looking at the monster's face when I was being clit mashed, and it created a vortex attachment situation.

DUN. DUN. DUN.... What happens next?

If I remember, Which I do not...

They did "sharp-shooting" spells that were easy to block. At one point they came, right after a shindig with my parent's at their house and my sister, they came and... I block Jason's spell and then grab his accomplice, "Okay your turn."

Eventually, I ran out of a reason to live though. This was July of 2022. Without love, what do you do? Just keep moving, keep walking, keep going. It was at least sort of funny, there were plenty of things to laugh about.

Hey, I remembered that the first time I broke down in tears over the Jason attack in June, I was listening to the song Fear of A Blank Planet, which was a song Jason didn't like... No he likes the song but thinks of me in a derogatory way when he listens to it. I broke down in tears, he listens to the song all wrong, but it's not about the song. The tears were not about the song, it was about the attack in general.

At one point, I was drinking liquor and planning on dying in my room of a broken heart or something, and then there was a fictitious death of Jason staged.

I was in my zone and my mom came in and bugged me about the clutter in here. Damn, how rude.

It was a joke that Jason died prior to St. Vincent's 2022 (BPB caused hospitalization). They both shot themselves one after another, and then I get moved from place to place, the ambulance, the ER, finally St. Vincent's where I can leave the room if necessary (and it is frequently necessary to move), hospital staff see me emoting and laughing and giggling flirtatiously, and say she is acting stupid. I was talking to a witch, and we were communicating, but I don't remember what was said anymore, it helped at the time.

After the Jason incident, it caused the witches involved to question there moral compass in a very serious way, to say the least of that situation. Some want to attack me because of America.

Soul Durability: Advancement Attained

The worst part, or very tricky part that I made easy... The ridiculous knee twitch. But, I am fast-forwarding to September of 2022. When there were a couple witches watching me, as that was intense and in the end they sided with leave Rachel alone... Jason was doing love spells, where I would start wondering if I was getting married to him, but I knew I wasn't I just had marriage ingrained, I wanted to move on and this was pushing me to the extent where I was worried about mental collapse, and he kept doing it. What happened was... I got stranger, plain and simple, grew in the rare trait that this situation allows you to grow in. Later on I'm attacked by Aaron in a way that's similar, I don't have feelings for him at all, there wasn't anything special except that he witnessed stuff and I could tell things he was thinking but it's still unclear, it's in language I do not quite understand. I think it was just curiousity, but at one point it was a joke about me and psychopaths.

At one point, I was constantly shipping between Pearl House and my parent's house, because the change of environment was so crucial to remaining sane. I stared at Jason's picture while listening to Changes by Tupac (which makes me think of hatred as a concept), and listening to that song in the car still while my dad drove me back to Pearl House. I could communicate with the witches, and I said to them, okay okay maybe it's like this, and I did an image in my mind of a car being forced to drive off a road, but if you look at the image it was just a bolt of light going very fast off the road, but I said it was Jason's car and my messages forced him to... Okay, what now?

Actually, Jason was still capable of witchcraft, and did something very cruel where he forced me to poop. It was an endeavor in understanding how durable I am as a soul.

And then... Well, Aaron hired spellworkers to do emotional attachment spells that weren't "a forfeit" -Ian's terminology

I was currently growing in the right trait though, after Jason's love/sex spells. So endure it I did, and push me to the cliff of take Aaron and... Wow, I can't put it in words, like a dingy noise does not disturb or what I don't know what to say I'm sorry..

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I went home after Suicide For Hire, knowing that was the biggest punch line they could throw and I passed the test there. I went home wondering if Jason would strike again. All awhile, I used a Roadrunner "Meep! Meep!" cartoon imagery to desensitize myself to the hatred and ill-will that was part of this occurrence. If Jason did anything else, it would be easy to handle.

This was early July.

When I got home, I was still high. I was now menstruating. At one point, I went out in public reeking of menstrual fluid, in my mind to make a statement about the extremity of my stress level. I laughed my head off in my room. Surprise surprise, I was way more secure than I thought I could be, I had just survived an attempt on my life. Now, I had to do a juxtapose dance, juxtaposing any emotional attachment away, separating myself emotionally from Jason.

Jason was determined to force me to commit suicide, but the punch line he had was blown. I can't think anymore or write anymore

That's the problem. This is a situation that I am very proud of, but there is so much trauma involved I can't let my conscious mind focus on it it wants to dart away and my thinking gets jaunty. I can't write this.

I laughed at everything that had ever happened to me. And then I realized, my friendship with Larry the guy downtown was... We might not be on good terms. I addressed that idea, erased it, put it in the back of my mind, and when it came back months later I was ready to deal with it.

Spiritual Growth Path to Err: Repeating a Mistake to Make a Point (It's me, take it or leave it, is the point)

During the August or September months of 2022, I came to terms with the fact that Jason had bought the services of someone who fashioned something to my chest. It was supposed to show me Jason's fictitious emotions. My spirit guides revamped it so it only worked when my conscious awareness wouldn't remember it later.

When I found out he did this, I came from a point of higher awareness and I laughed. I laughed at him, a good hearty laugh. Wow, in the scheme of things... How stupid since it was woo. I wonder what kind of... Karma, well I wasn't angry, I kept worrying though what the effect was on my aura. Because part of taking it off required paying attention to the bundleness of my aura. I was worried it had an effect on my aura or my health.

So, Jason said fine, laughter? Here, I also know someone who will do supernatural work to turn off your metabolism and massively hype up your appetite, so that you will go into an uncontrollable eating frenzy and he went on about haha! Team Gastric Bypass!

Emily at the time, his wife, this made her ill. I was on the bus coming back from Chris's one day, after dealing with being at Chris's and experiencing some sort of witch effects which I dismiss as drivel in retrospect but Chris said meth and dismissed it as such, he wasn't angry but it wasn't meth (Chris Sepelak hates meth, by the way, parents)(this is the joke, said my guides).

Anyway, so Emily was doing something with her mind, at the place where Jason was talking to this spell caster or dinklehopper as we call them... To place herself over me in my mind whenever I thought of stopping for pancakes, because I was craving pancakes but if Emily was over me I wouldn't stop for pancakes. I got home, and at the food there, and there wasn't any more of that. Except to point out because of Emily, the practitioner did it to Jason instead. But may have caused me irreversible damage in the process.

Jason has a problem where he can't admit he has problems. You admit you have a problem, you point to it, and you are in the context of a God-ordained mission, got to confess to the issue and change, not repost "Mmm, potstickers, yum." To point out you are very tolerant of this trait in yourself.

Jason would cease asking questions, if he thought a question's answer might prove him wrong.

And... They told me my soul problem was I throw fits, coincidentally with standard gerbil noise enthusiasts, coincidence that I am Guardianship Extraordinaire. So don't repost statuses, just to point out you are comfortable with yourself. You have to admit you have a problem and change. What was the problem?

I don't remember.

Read, re-read, and check for more updates from UberSleuth Rachel.

Comma, Ian the Great Fagg.

My Sophomore Year of High School: The Cracks Were Consumed by the Crack

What a tweaked out year! Woah!

Happiness-wise, I thought about it every day, going to school, what the fuck was up with my life. When I started taking Adderall, I got consumed with thinking about how boring existence was. There was stuff like sex, food, music, sports, art, and that was it. Kind of blank.

When I discovered downloading Sims stuff, I really enjoyed that will I was high on that drug. Wow! I found something I am passionate about! That's what I seriously thought back then and I am confiding in this blog because I think this is a terrible thing to think.

When I eased off my Eminem obsession and fixated on objects in the Sims, collecting them and not using them mostly. I played around with them in the game, but that was minimal, I got sick of the game but I was fascinated with how you could add more objects.

The best website was The Seven Deadly Sims and it's paid site, which I actually got my mother to pay a couple bucks from pay pal for, the 8th Deadly Sim, which had objects like strap-on dildo shelves and bongs and stuff to make a strip club, which I made but never had any sims go to because that part of the game was dumb to me now.

One day, I asked my sister if she wanted to mess around in my Sim stuff and make a house or whatever. She said sure, and messed around and right away she said all the scrolling of going through the object catalogs was so annoying she didn't want to do this. This sure made me depressed. Wow, my fascination thing in life was dumb.

However, this was a moment that caused me to grow, and put my eyes on the prize: Self-Esteem build on something cool I could make, like a computer game.

My Spirit Guides call this incident with my sister Ego Ground Zero.

Sometimes, we compare people who did not properly develop self-esteem, to this point in my life, like they feel this way all the time, practically.

So, it was a self-esteem widget, as Ian remarks.

Actually, though, it was an exercise in getting rid of collection of objects fixation that everyone's self esteem has, and I had to get rid of it and not fixate on collecting stuff and things. So we built up the self-esteem of collection and destroyed it in a neat thorough way.

Also, something about the Sims game play is monumentally helpful, to helping me multitask.

And, the Sims exercise had one more purpose. I spent a of time looking at the surrounding architecture during this period of time, as unimpressive as it was here, which it is. However, Chance was ego observer monumento, so when he died it made the world seem dreary and it was very hard to deal with the surroundings. Just access those algorithms you learned in high school for appreciating the surroundings, then go off and listen to this one song Save Tonight which I listed to one time in 2013 and... I don't really want to share, but I was thinking about fucking Chance and then going for Todd, listening to this song, than immediately dismissed the prospect. At this point, after he died, we dissipated built up anticipation about seeing Chance in person, which I always consciously thought would happen eventually. Subbie knew better.

Spirit Stuff About Adulthood

Something I realized upon waking the other morning... I am grinding constantly against becoming an adult. I am an adult, with a guardianship as you know, my parents have guardianship over me, and my dad made so much money helping start up a business that we were rich at one point. Anyway, side track against going off on a tangent.

There is no magic moment I am looking forward to, which is part of the Adult Algorithms shift. I all the time tell myself, it's not so bad, other people have to work jobs they hate for most of their time... And I constantly disparage other people who work. In turn, this makes me seem lazy. I do not bother to clean up, is one thing.

So since I am always disparaging others for working boring jobs, I can't bring myself to do mundane tasks.

If you think I am lazy, I am not. I am very energetic and I'm getting my groove back on and doing my own creative workout, I just started this morning.

I don't like cleaning. I used to like cleaning.

Ooh, by the way, your scent sure "smells" good Aaron, are you going to taunt me again with another spell?

Right now my plan is to settle down with this guy Alex.

And process psychological predicaments that I have. There are plenty. Of. Weird issues/situations. That I think about all the time.

Also, it would be easier if I had the clutch of a high school community of core people. That's why I don't disparage myself for not being able to work a job, but I could. You know, Jimmy John's was a breeze. until the incident

Social Fiasco, Impaired Judgment, Hippocrite!

Which is easier, sacrificing your own body for a cause, or forcing someone else to? As I deal with the notion that the mindflip might have come at a horrendous cost... The cost of being able to have friends or normal social encounters. At one point, I disparaged my mother as being "fortunate to be kind," like the Oingo Boingo lyric. Actually, some of us wonder about her kindness, if it exists, not that it doesn't but she spends time moaping and worrying about issues that aren't worth her worrying about, and that used to be a big deal with my sister and I, we were glad when "Worry Wart Beev," which is a song in my old musical (You haven't heard? I had a musical), she uses worrying about other people as a crutch to making herself feel superior and what a kind heart! Actually, right now I am worried about my own spiritual growth. What if it isn't a success this lifetime? And as Subbie pointed out, "you got to get burned," in order for sustained growth in a trait like virtue, or maybe any trait but specifically special good ones, and the burn this lifetime was the Eminem fiasco. Yes, I was spiritually possessed, I remember my thoughts.