Suicide, Drugs, Changed Perspectives

I feel really uneasy about having any sort of "promotional" attitude at all about meth. Subbie just keeps saying, no I liked that one, no I liked that one, no I liked that one... (those Facebook statuses, I mean) How many people do I know on the other side who didn't regret committing suicide? It came up recently, just two, down from three. There was a woman, I never met her she was my sister's friend, Lorian. Just an everyday schmoo, not famous. She committed suicide awhile ago. Immediately afterwards, my sister went to the trusted family psychic Renee, because Kristen (my sister) wanted to know how she felt about the suicide and if she regretted it. Lorian said, "Death is no big deal." Just something she was thinking, natural part of existence. And then Renee wizzed her through a whole buncho of comments and things Grandma and Grandpa and relatives wanted to say, and Kristen was left without answers to the question she wanted to know, did Lorian regret it? Before it came up that Lorian didn't but Kristen would and she didn't want to tell her that. Just recently Lorian pointed out to me, it's not that clear-cut at all. Actually, she does regret it. Yes she does. Just sometimes, she doesn't know. Actually, what she said was, "I wish instead of killing myself that night I had gone out and tried meth." Yes, she regrets it. There's a collective unconscious story, it was actually represented in a movie that was popular when I was in seventh grade and I don't remember the name of the movie. It was a fantasy movie, and there are two "unattractive" peasants, a woman and a man, who have a wish granted that they become beautiful. I don't remember what happens next, but eventually the spell is taken off, they go back to looking the way they did before, and they look at each other and ask each other, "Am I still beautiful?" And they both tell each other yes. It's a reference to a collective unconscious story about when doing a drug once can sometimes make a breakthrough change in your perspective and the way you think. There's a collective unconscious story for that situation. So, Lorian also regretted killing herself. That's the "doot doot doot Lorian news update doot doot doot."

Fire... Fire!!

I had a dream in my youth. Subbie says I was five. I barely remember this dream, it happened so, so long ago... My mom, my sister, and I, were travelling wolf women... Hunters, or gathers, and in the middle of the night we were creeping. Where were we creeping? We wandered across the street, across the OTHER street, not to Patty and Debi's house, the other street, since we were on a corner... Into the house of some neighbors we didn't even know. We creeped through the house. In the house, there was a fire pit. Or was it a rocking chair? Or what was it? It was a rocking fire pit, or the Fire of Desire... Actually, in the collective unconscious, there is a special spirit word for "rocking fire pit"... As I sit and reminisce, on this dream, which only appeared in my memory upon memory jogging... I am drawn to the fire. Drawn in, and in, and it pulls me in, and I want it. That fire shows your heart's desire. What is your heart's desire? It didn't show me anything at all, and it still pulls me in today, when I think of that dream. That emotion of desire, still comes up in my mind, as I think about the dream today. So long ago, the same, as it was back then, that dream...