"If it weren't for the guardianship, you'd be dead, Rachel!"

So this is what I hear, when I tell my parents, the guardianship was a mistake.

"But if it weren't for the guardianship, you'd be dead!"

Why? When would I have died?

You'd be dead on the streets of downtown Portland!

There was this one time, when I was sent to a treatment center in Santa Barbara immediately following a suicide attempt, I wandered the streets of Santa Barbara for several nights doing drugs, not caring if I lived or if I died. I ended up living, and being sent to a treatment center in North Idaho immediately afterward, called Innercept.

To my parents, this same scenario, has repeated itself on in on in their minds, until the cows came home, which they never actually did. This scenario has repeated itself so many times! Well, yes, their memories are a bit foggy... But they know it, they know it, they know it!

My dad says, "God, Rachel, how dare you ask me to clarify and remember exactly when it happened a second and a third and a forth time! You know damn well it has happened many many MANY times, okay! Just like..." And then he falls asleep from the old age and the narcelepsy.

Actually, it has never happened a second time. I felt safe in Santa Barbara, I would never do the same thing in downtown Portland, and I have never been in that same mood or wanted to.

Then, my dad wakes up from his nap. "There was that one time, shortly after you moved back from Innercept, I had to pick you up from the streets of downtown Portland! See! SEE! You did the same thing that night, that one time! You were wandering the streets of downtown Portland at night!"

Actually, what happened was, I was out at night, and I was out simply past when the busses were running... So yes, I called my dad and asked for a ride home. I wasn't even doing any drugs that night. Not drinking, not smoking pot even, not anything else. Simply up past when the busses were running.

"Well, that proves it!" My dad says. "You would be dead in a ditch, if it weren't for the guardianship! This going out and doing drugs in the streets is a scenario that keeps repeating itself over and over again! IN FACT, THE DOCTORS SAID THE SAME THING! THEY SAID YOU WOULD BE DEAD, IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE GUARDIANSHIP!"

And yes, I am telling the truth, folks. My dad really DID tell me that. He told me, the doctors told him, I would be dead if it weren't for the guardianship. And.... He expected me to believe it.

That's why both my parents are fucking idiots. The end.