So I would like to take a moment to blame Innercept for my problems.
My parents complain to me, hey, Rachel! You steal from us now! You lie to us!
I think this is the fault of Innercept. My parents clearly don't know what it's like to be at Innercept. When you are at Innercept, you are immersed in the rich Innercept culture.
What happens is, they have so many fucking stupid rules. Oh, you can only eat one piece of fruit between meals. All this really strict crap about serving sizes so you are hungry all the time. Oh, you have to have people peaking at you at night and maintain a strict curfew of 10 pm. You can't go to the gym for too much time per day.
So, what every resident inevitable does is say, fuck it! Fuck these rules! I will break any rule that doesn't suit me! So you are sneaking money, you are going behind Innercept's back, you are doing anything you possibly can to get around all these stupid fucking rules of these stupid fucking control freaks at Innercept.
For some residents, it becomes like a contest. How many rules can you break? What can you get away with?
So I come home from Innercept, and I am still in the Innercept mindset. Hey, what can I get away with at home? It's subconscious. On top of that is the anger, the anger that my parents put me in this place for four and a half years, which was supposed to do fucking something, instead the first thing I do immediately after I come out is GO DELUSIONAL AGAIN!!!!
And then I find out this drug I've been on Depakote is responsible for my hair loss and lack of creative thinking. They didn't inform me of all the side effects. If I knew it made your hair fall out, I would have been like, NO FUCKING WAY AM I TAKING THAT SHIT!!!
I actually started to go delusional again when I was still at Innercept, while I was still on all the drugs.
So I blame all my bad actions on the Innercept culture.
Take responsibility for yourself! stop blaming everyone else. You can only control your thoughts and no one else....sound familiar?
ReplyDeleteAs a follow up: you can't change the past...no you can't! you can only affect the future. Learn from the past but work with the future. Take responsibility. Be the adult! Take responsibility! Be the adult!
ReplyDeleteI was joking when I said it was all Innercept's fault, but it is true that the mindset I have now is a result of my years spent at Innercept.
ReplyDeleteThe mindset you have is that of a severely disturbed person. Innercept may not have been a great place but at the end of the day they were trying to help. At some point you are going to have to accept that you need help and that you don't know more about the world\ religion\Innercept than everyone else. Rather than fight please accept the help and love being offered to you
ReplyDeleteThanks for the diagnosis, whoever the fuck you are. All ideas expressed in this blog are not truths but the opinions/musings of me. Nothing I say on this blog regarding religion is necessarily factual.
ReplyDeleteAre you an Innercept employee?
ReplyDelete