Adderall

So first off, I worked hard to get to the library so I could post this. Innercept won't let me use my laptop anymore so I can't use wifi at the gym. Staff didn't want me to go to the library today but I defied them. And then I grabbed a bus schedule that was apparently old, because I was going to catch the bus from the gym and I looked out the window 20 minutes before it was scheduled to arrive and there it was leaving. But dammit, I wanted to post this blog! So I tried to get to Riverstone in time to catch the bus from there, but I couldn't with all the damn crosswalks. Then I decided to walk the distance to NIC, because I was determined. I got there and the library was closed. Then I braved the wind and the rain to walk from there to the Coeur d'Alene public library. So here I am now. And dammit, I'm going to post this blog.

I made a decision a few days ago that I never thought I'd make. I've decided to go off Adderall.

Adderall is more than something I take for concentration, but it's also more than something I abuse to get a high. It made the world seem worthwhile back when life seemed dull and pointless, it gave me self-confidence back when I felt worthless. It's like I've been on crutches for the past ten years. Now, I feel like I might be strong enough to go off them. I was tested for nutritional deficiencies, and it was proven that I have an imbalance that means low dopamine, the happy neurotransmitter that Adderall increases (the one that also helps you focus). I've been taking supplements to correct this imbalance.

It's funny, because I can't believe I'm going to do this. I know myself and it's not something I would do. I might recognize that I don't need Adderall anymore, but normally I would continue taking it anyway just because I could. Honestly, I feel like this is my higher self or something greater than myself pushing this. I feel this urge to clean up my act.

I actually have a lot to say about this particular topic, but I'm not going to say very much. The reason is because I see this as the subject of my second book, because I think I have enough stuff to say that it could fill an entire book.