Well Rachel, Tell the Story of the Mythical Eminem Visitation to the FBI

Sometimes, I receive word that someone specific is at the FBI. This time it was Eminem, and I don't know anything except he was supposed to be in this day I am talking about. It was a cool spring day, I was doing great and I had a hairdresser appointment to sit through later that day. Well, I was a riot. Actually, I don't remember, except this one thing I said cooly but don't think is cool and shouldn't share. This was a challenge, but I like challenges, staying comfortable in my zone, is more important than what I say. Well, what a day... I got out of the hairdresser, I may have called him Marshall but he wasn't actually there I might just have been talking about Marshall not "Eminem." Anyway, I remember the part where I was sitting in front of my computer admiring my hair, and laughing, like full out giddee and full of glee, "Me? Slut shamed, ha! HA! That's not going to happen." You better believe it will happen clueless person. And then I got attacked by Jason, and I think this was happening maybe the entire time anyway, except it didn't cause a probably at the hair salon any struggles with muttering counter spells or manipulating bullets of energy. I lied there, I came up for air, Eminem was watching that same day I guess, I fell down on my bed and I was hit with a massive love spell to Jason. I collapsed on the bed, all drama here was legit and no faking. Well, if that really was Eminem's visit, and he had a visit according to Rachel. Spring 2022 before the showdown, was the time here.

The Rest, I Reckon, went down at Pearl House, down like an Upturned Smile

Jason sent the energy drain spells. The trick? I've been getting stronger dealing with horrendous energy situation but describing myself as a whirlwind of energies loses it's flavor to the Spirit Guides. Do you read good? I will help you read, Conscie...

Anyway, so Jason was doing simple easy energy drains, he would try to time it with what I was doing and see, moved to a less comfortable sending, if I cast it right when she walks outside, she will know not to but it worries me, it might cause existentialism if I'm not careful with control of my mind during the experience, which I always am.

At the start, I mean the start of our "gentle talks," Jason and I were talking like bullies. I was playing Hunger Games Themed, after all is said and done from the day, I can cuddle with you at night, like how they bond together and eventually kill the people you were playing friend games with, to point out the death in the arena wasn't about mixing up words on Facebook.

So, I was talking to Jason, in my mind, haha leave the house. Well, I have this memory, there were both hunger spells and energy draining spells, it took a lot of carefully planned endurance. I was running home, or walking home quickly, I might have been coming from church or the gym. As I walked, I was starving but it wasn't real hunger because the hunger spells mess that up. Then, Emily did a spell to try to slow me down or make me feel more feeble, and so I started throwing at Emily bad spells, as Jason started.

I'm done. Bye.

Springs A'Drift, Asprung, Afoot, and Onward With a Change In Pace...

It was masterfully the months of spring, and like the master, Donald Trump came to visit the FBI surveillance headquarters. Actually, I don't remember when all this happened, but it was light-hearted and carefree, forgetting for a second about Jason's lack of response (and black magic, which started, to refresh your memories, at Unity 2022), casting off the smug demeanor, to be carefree and senselessly crazy in front of my own computer screen! What are the risks, huh? I can't tell my Computer something, now...

Well, it was funny, but I'm still kind of embarrassed that I said this, but it's the funniest thing you can possibly say right off the bat. Ole Donald Trump was there, and I said, "Well, you and your locker room talk... I say, this is an A-B conversation you can C your way out of it..." Which was my opening line, I chatted about....? Well, I liked that you tried talking to Kim Jong Un, well Conscie doesn't understand diplomacy and Subbie corrects with now now, sometimes you don't even talk to foreign leaders, it's some complicated game. And, well I already know my favorite line is that you call yourself a genius, why not? I don't remember this conversation, what else happened, later I wondered to the screen why shaming a woman in a beauty pageant for gaining weight was a problem with liberals or weirdos, and he said back (actually I want to think he did, my spirit guides could read his mind to see his response), that's the line good people open with, except for the one I used. I remember this same day as I chatted and mumbled and hummed to the rhythm of my computer screen. I picture read Donald Trump, I said I liked what I saw... What are you thinking? That's not a compliment to your appearance though. I actually told him, your appearance isn't very good but you are thinking positive nice thoughts. Because hey, anything goes at Rachel's place.

EDIT: This same day, my dad groaned loudly in his office at random.

Fast-forward, I was living at Pearl House like always, at the house, fixing myself a salad... Something entered my emotional energy field around my body, a sexual pulley thing from Donald Trump. I hesitated, I didn't want to embarrass myself and Subbie doesn't trust his lame attempts to say he respects me too much, but how could this right here hurt? This seemed nice, I grabbed a hold of the cord with my abdomined, we rubber banded back in forth in a sexual manner.

I did not address that issue, or say anything out loud about it. I brain multitasked disregard that incident, to keep Commander Cool, talk about my childhood, the summer I found out about the social predicament, the big Disney blockbuster was Pocahantus, what a lame ass summer. I told him about how I knew that because I was thinking it but didn't know it was really you telling me this Donald, hehehe, that you liked or felt strongly about the temper tantrum my mom threw in early 2017, when she cleaned up the kitchen and she had an emotional response to me not holding her hand through the paper work while I was undergoing Fish Out of Water Psychology. This right here is an example of why I don't feel stupid, talking up Donald Trump, because this was a pleasant thought of Donald Trump. So...

I went back to talking about all sorts of little kid things, unusual psyche occurrences, not normal things like bike rides or drinking from the hose, things like remembering, oh hey good one Subbie... That one morning I was in Indiana and I woke, and I was 6, I thought the entire day passed, and it was the next morning, after waking up from this occurrence. It was all this wonderful stuff that was promised this lifetime, "But there's a catch..." Ian's voice, and I knew that meant this was bad news. That was familiar, and this was a little kid memory. Then, hey Subbie what else do you know, hey Subbie what else do you know... Forget the mannequins, get this on screen though, whatever by Donald Trump I want to talk to Subbie and normalize a little.

Another day, I was sitting in my room, at Pearl House, talking to the computer, pointing out Donald Trump was making jokes about virgin blood. Jason through some energy at me and interjected, "Yes, that's not a hard joke either that's easy..." I moved when the energy hit me, and later pointed out that wasn't the punchline though, the jokes flow and keep the psyche happy, like normal functioning brains.

The other time, I remember talking to Donald Trump, I was confiding in him about something very personal I will risk sharing, which is that I've wished people who do something as litte as unfriend me on Facebook, back in the dayz of 2018/2019, when mental collapse narrowlly overted itself due to my steady piloting, something as horrific as suicidal ideations. If I was to do a report of my thoughts, I would point to this as something for potential worry and that was bothering me. Was that that bad? The short answer from Donald Trump was no, and I dismissed it then as well, as wow this isn't an obsessive interest in them feeling bad, this was dinky and not holding a lot of emotional energy, not a strong lucid passionate thought. It was Donald Trump who said no, and whether or not it was really him is irrelevant, as the more I thought on it, I have phased it out now, and that wasn't something that was important to me. If I really thought about it, and what that looks like, the experience of wanting to take your own life, no I don't actually wish this on anyone, in the past too but especially now. And that's my token word extravaganze for now...

Soul: Solia's Journey of Peace, Racism, and a Story

The thing that was requested that I point out... Was this really requested, Conscie wondered, this dumb piece of information? There was the racist woman on the bus that one time over on Sandy, who got infuriated over something small and said the n word and go back to Africa over and over again, and they called the police. This was an incident that happened during the eventful months of 2016, which no one wants to hear about and we wish this never happened. What's my point? I don't want to be compared to that woman. The joke about the situation, when I first got on the bus that day, I looked at her and asked Robin if he thought the was pretty, because Robin and I would compare notes relevant to potential lesbianism that never flowered. He said yeah sure, but what if I looked at her, and gurgled or something strange? Then she threw a fit and I thought of her as ugly. Then I was compared to her, in my own mind, this woman came back and was in my mind. Well, what I wanted to say...

What if the underlying reason she did this, was because even that weird white girl on the bus thinks she is black, because she vibes to music a certain way. If you are bothered by a different race of people being on the bus... This doesn't bother me in the slightest, but this woman must be bothered every day she rides the bus.

...Anyway...

Back to the Jason debacle. The last scene in the summer black magic extravaganza of summer 2022, before a delusional double suicide. I found the song by Danny Elfman, "It Only Makes Me Laugh," laughed at the marvelous coincidence, and went to bed. In my dream, I was hovering, lying down and hovering, and something was being done to my intestines. I woke up, jolted myself awake, as something was not right here. I fired off black magic in all directions, at Jason, at Emily who was awake and a part of this, and at good ole Witch C who just came along to see what I would do this time. I ran from my bed to my hall perching spot, joked and threw darts of black magic, then came back to my room and played the lullaby "Little Boy Blue." Which came up in 2016, that Subbie said "Little boy blue" and I laughed my head off at this word combination, and later I found out it was because of this perturbed lullaby I listened to as a child, and understood English sort of or subconsciously but maybe consciously as well, and Little Boy Blue and his eyes of terror, fast asleep.

The witches actually fired sleep spells at me, which did not work. Geez, you went from fast asleep to wide awake in three. Seconds. Flat.

In other news, since I have the conversation ball... Should I tell the Michael story?

Oh wait, after that... The hubbub with the witches right there, the Archangel Michael entered my body. I felt relief, and his majestic featheriness. Jason simmered, Emily sent a friend cord, and I turned my focus inward, not outwardly advertising this situation, and this was the thing that made a difference in my life and I know the Archangel Michael helped me through the end of 2022 and beginning of 2023, when he left and then came back later.

Dude, I was impressed with my ability to stay sane through out this period of time. In Boardman recently, there was some noise in my bedroom that was driving me crazy. Literally crazy.

On Virtuous Souls, including but not limited to Myself

I made a point of telling Jason proudly, in my mind, as I was fighting off the spells in summer of 2022... "I would never gloat about my virtue on drugs."

Jason said, you got to be kidding me, oh, you're not kidding? Well, actually, that's not bad...

Then... I was sent to the hospital by the Deluded Reference Club. I have realized since this incident, oh fuck leaky mouth, leaky mouth, did I say something about race here, yes the three of them were black, it was just an inside joke with myself after Christie said to me about hovering over me when I had a knife so I couldn't cut my vegetables in peace, 'This stays off Facebook!'" And... I knew because of that there might be something serious about my predicament, or reputation. I went for the gold anyway, yacked probably, I don't remember what I said, about the Black Power Brigade which insinuates it was some sort of contest of races or something which is irrelevant. Look, I'm sorry. This incident was not about race, and actually the African Americans.... Are more fun to talk to on the spiritual plane. Like the Audio book the Triple Package I look at suddenly, being a minority drives passion in to some people's steps.

I know this virtue thing might annoy people. You can think that to yourself, but don't tell other people that... I think I'm the Chosen One, well everyone already knows I think that. However, it says in the reports due to spiritually possessed incidents, it says I'm violent when I don't think violently at all, I don't like violence. I have pushed people away in self-defense, like the cat, that was such a groan of an incident because my parents made fun of me for putting poor Chubbie Mae in the garage, yada yada stay on topic. Yeah and I kicked the cat, knee-jerk reaction when she rubbed against my legs later that day.

The best time to be thinking about your own virtue is when sitting at a table at St. Vincent's Hospital, in a casual chat and color session, and some girl says, "You know I'm usually really nice when thinking about other people, however..." Stop right there. Nice, huh? I'll show you nice... Why can't she be nice to? Just take her word for it. I smiled at her later, and she commented on the spiritual plane, I saw that thought process! I laughed to myself about this incident, because you might not get it, but I forgive myself here. At the time, I couldn't even watch television I was so easily triggered, and morbidly upset about my general ignorance of facts which made me feel so fucking stupid, and no friends to talk to... When I was a child, I may have told myself that I was self-centered. Then suddenly, my compassion hit me in the face. That's why Alfred always said it in a stupid voice to me, repeating something I thought to myself about being considered virtuous.

Actually, I was told that this girl told that story to someone else, and they laughed AT me. This period of time was slim pickings for feelings of self-love and acceptance of self. I still had that V-word attached to me. Am I making sense? I liked this story.

I thought old what's-his-name was mad that I thought this, though. So, I pointed to the spot in fourth grade. The reason I might not appear like I'm always sacrificing myself for others, the degrading sickness of the Social Predicament made me anti-social. I'm on a mission too, and tending to my brain's needs is a full-time job. And yes, I should have taken the cans in my room to Plaid Pantry and got cash back, how hard can that possibly be? Well, coulda woulda shoulda, you are right, at the time I didn't know Plaid Pantry would recycle them.

I notice the cursor, is what I wanted to point out. The cursor of my motivation, which I watch due to the fact that the spirit world is always watching what I'm thinking with diehard obsession. I'm in this kind of morbid death clique on the other side, I don't know if I'm really one of the cool kids (see here I go with my high school motif...), but I wrote a series of books that are funny parodies of real situations on various planes. Anyway... Whoops tangent.

I go back to noticing the cursor. I look at the cursor when I am at rest. And I look at the cursor when I am going through the hardest struggle of please don't medicate me. All the time, I wish no one harm. However... You must look at the potential to misuse the power behind the cursor when we introduce the thought process of petting others like they are common lambs or sheep.

And then I remember that I used to pet people and that was weird, and people might have thought that was strange. But also, wow I've changed this lifetime. Would I do it all again? No, but I get a better wacky experience on the other side, as John Lennon and I are both collectors of strange experiences, as we put it (it's a drug thing, yes surrie).

Actually, what is virtue exactly? It is emotional sensitivity, but in time you learn to block out other people's emotions, and there is some tuning into...

I lost my train of thought. Yes I believe this situation. I believe lots of things, but when I think of what Christians believe, that's weirder than anything I believe. That Jesus died for our sins, I mean, that God's son had to die, and everyone always dies at the end of their lifetime anyway, but Jesus Christ had to be crucified for our sins. That's sort of dumb, honestly. However... It's a fun story when you read it and live it and get into it, sort of like you excuse Bella's Character Flaw in Twilight, kind of a shallow floozy woman.

I personally excuse a woman for having strange socially reason if she happens to be unusually pieous and God is always helping her and with her. Also, she wasn't the only one at Bible study who God spoke to individually, other people said that happened to them as well and told good stories. I believed all of them. I'm good at empathy and knowing which stories are made up and which are true, through my intuition.

I Have Reason To Gloat, Though Strength and Time Are Precious

I passed a test my spirit guides had for me. It was "the ultimate test" of the entire mission. I remember how my spirit guides described it to me, at my Grandmother's house in Indiana, as a situation where you wake up and from the wake up moment, something has to be right in my mind for me to pull off the test properly.

Well, what ended up happening... That last paragraph will confuse you as to how it relates to "the test," so stop thinking about it right now!

The test was to go from this love spell from Aaron, straight to pulling back and blocking what I thought was probably psychosis black magic. Rachel Zuhl's magic worked without a hitch. No, I didn't believe this situation where Aaron wanted to do a love spell because he was going to be with me. Besides, that guy was probably fat, but I don't remember. You're not a dreamboat, Aaron. And then some.

The key to the test though, it happens suddenly where the witch is done with the (dysfunctionally placed) love spell, then I get a feeling as the black magic that I would describe as a sick dark soul predicament, though it's probably at my expense. It's a gentle manuever, as I was doing well in the morning and woke up strong, from love spell, sick pleasure maneuver, and block spells.

How dumb. Let's gloat!

History of Innercept, In Brief

First, I went through the whiny cry-ee period. I ran off and hid behind the shed, wanting (not waiting) to die. I tried to drown myself in the bathtub. I didn't tell a soul, it's just dumb to think I wouldn't come up for air. Britney Spears did it in a video, though.

Then, around August, I was Christian. I thought in my head, while listening to a song by Disturbed, Land of Confusion, and walked. I told my parents, wow I miss the small things. Gosh, I miss going for a walk listening to music. Wow, and Innercept lets me, music and walking at the same time, outside, no indoor treadmill stuff (nonsense).

For most of the time, I was volunteering at the Humane Society as well.

In November of 2008, yep first Innercept year... I don't know what you remember if I started Innercept in 2007, solid year, or 2008 a good year. Yeah, it was the time I let go of the belief that I was Jesus, that year.

Do you think I am so arrogant I believe I am Jesus? You didn't skip reading Party Like Jesus, did you?

You may have, and I can't force you to read it.

However, in December of 2008 I attempted suicide.

Then, in 2009, I got excited about this year being a great year, and I was allowed Adderall, 20 mg XR I think, could have been 30. I wouldn't remember the doseage, but I would remember what medication I was on and the time period or years and months I was on it. I've gotten accused of this by my parents before, they have told me I wouldn't remember what medication I was on at the time.

Then, the Adderall was taken away. I tried to switch to coffee, but Paige told me they mixed it with decaf, and I was feeling like crap anyway, believable story to me, there were more coffee grounds in the same coffee ground container than yesterday, yes they would do that to us.

I started walking, thinking I want out of this place. Really, I was walking to ye ole Maxwell house, which is the name of the street the other house is at, it's not named after the coffee brand. I didn't make it, they came after me, chased me, took me to Kootenai County Behavior Health. I was there, when they switched my medication from Abilify and Lamictal, to Geodon, and then also Lithium.

I was cycling like a rollercoaster here! Cycling... Cycling... I got out of the hospital, I would laugh my head off by the bathtub, I hated it but God I could laugh. Wow, that Matthew III was funny... Yeah it was funny, and Hugh also knew about it.

Yep, and everything was about Hugh, too. I really liked him, he's okay face wise, not going to lie I like the way his face looks but he isn't the babe Sean, like oh my God but no. I don't care about faces, anyway. You could... He's fine.

My mother even gave me Baby Huey cards to keep in my purse to try to get over him. I did not use them, though Subbie said, and this is a quote, "Well you wanted hypnosis to get over the guy, why not try Baby Huey cards?"

So, we are still talking about the 2009 period. Around June, a year after coming to Innercept in June 2008, I started taking a philosophy class. Then, I had to go Sarah Sabel's wedding, which I thought was fine, the problem was afterwards I got jealous, you know I should be getting married and graduating from college right now, I wish... Instead, I was forced to take Geodon and ride around in a car for most of the day.

I remember eating their fucking food too. The food pantry brought food to the Humane Society. I sat there and ate it, and never complained. I sat in the room, and wrote in my Geodon Philosophy Notebook, which was dark purple. Then, I would walk dogs, every once in awhile, walk a dog. This was fun, or I suddenly got more optimistic thinking of this.

However, simultaneously they gave me quarters for doing basic things like showering and brushing my teeth, in August and July of 2009.

Then what happened, Rachel?

I took a test and got prescribed Adderall! I was on Adderall, I beasted through a 2 and a half hour workout every other day, and programmed a perfect Tetris learning algorithm game. I did this perfectly, and it was on Adderall.

Then what happened, Rachel?

Well, that was when I got sent to Transition, and I discovered cough syrup. Wow that was fun, but something was wrong, and the Geodon stayed. I would cycle into deep depressions, not thinking of suicide, actually right here I tried cutting. I cut my wrists three times, and on the third I did not cover it, I went to the medication center, sat down, with a staff present, and confessed to cutting myself and that I wanted to stop. And I never cut again, true story. It wasn't really fun to me anyway.

So... Well, I couldn't go back to college, but I tried to take Philosophy and Nutrition from BYU. I did quite a bit of the Nutrition class, I learned a lot. The Philosophy class was... I couldn't read Descarte. Like dude, I don't follow your train of thought. I get I think therefore I am.

Then, I tried meth! Similar to Adderall, I just can't concentrate! Well, I don't have to do it again, but it's normal to know, or I mean helpful to know, it feels like Adderall.

It did the first time I did it, in June of 2010. I was sent to Intensive Transition, where I also did well on the chewing tobacco I did in my private little fucking bedroom which I liked, I liked having privacy. See, Rachel does better with privacy of space.

So, blech, I agreed, this chewing gum is better. I was still on Adderall, and started composing symphonies. However, the Geodon was not helping! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Whoops, skipped ahead. I was cycling from the Geodon, now only up, and yes I remember sitting in the Innercept office with you, Beev and F. Meeke, and I kept rehashing stuff, it was Hugh's dream and maybe Matthew III, I was zoney and out of it I couldn't concentrate and the meth was still... It interacted with the Geodon. Now, though, I cycled up and up only.

I got changed from Geodon to Invega, going off Geodon made me stop cycling. On Invega, I gained weight. Yeah, I could have made the effort to go to the gym, the Kroc Center, which I did too but not enough. I had to go there to use the internet.

Okay, so you want to hear the rest of the story?

In 2011 I was querying agents about publishing my book. That went absolutely nowhere. I was happy, though, boy was I with the spiritual plane that I was on then. I got no bites or requests of my book, only from some woman Julia Simko's dad knew.

In 2012, I attended this Bible Study. So there was Bible Study.

I was also taking theater and working with the elderly who had dementia.

What happened Rachel?

Actually... Is this passing?

Bible Study