My Sophomore Year of High School: The Cracks Were Consumed by the Crack

What a tweaked out year! Woah!

Happiness-wise, I thought about it every day, going to school, what the fuck was up with my life. When I started taking Adderall, I got consumed with thinking about how boring existence was. There was stuff like sex, food, music, sports, art, and that was it. Kind of blank.

When I discovered downloading Sims stuff, I really enjoyed that will I was high on that drug. Wow! I found something I am passionate about! That's what I seriously thought back then and I am confiding in this blog because I think this is a terrible thing to think.

When I eased off my Eminem obsession and fixated on objects in the Sims, collecting them and not using them mostly. I played around with them in the game, but that was minimal, I got sick of the game but I was fascinated with how you could add more objects.

The best website was The Seven Deadly Sims and it's paid site, which I actually got my mother to pay a couple bucks from pay pal for, the 8th Deadly Sim, which had objects like strap-on dildo shelves and bongs and stuff to make a strip club, which I made but never had any sims go to because that part of the game was dumb to me now.

One day, I asked my sister if she wanted to mess around in my Sim stuff and make a house or whatever. She said sure, and messed around and right away she said all the scrolling of going through the object catalogs was so annoying she didn't want to do this. This sure made me depressed. Wow, my fascination thing in life was dumb.

However, this was a moment that caused me to grow, and put my eyes on the prize: Self-Esteem build on something cool I could make, like a computer game.

My Spirit Guides call this incident with my sister Ego Ground Zero.

Sometimes, we compare people who did not properly develop self-esteem, to this point in my life, like they feel this way all the time, practically.

So, it was a self-esteem widget, as Ian remarks.

Actually, though, it was an exercise in getting rid of collection of objects fixation that everyone's self esteem has, and I had to get rid of it and not fixate on collecting stuff and things. So we built up the self-esteem of collection and destroyed it in a neat thorough way.

Also, something about the Sims game play is monumentally helpful, to helping me multitask.

And, the Sims exercise had one more purpose. I spent a of time looking at the surrounding architecture during this period of time, as unimpressive as it was here, which it is. However, Chance was ego observer monumento, so when he died it made the world seem dreary and it was very hard to deal with the surroundings. Just access those algorithms you learned in high school for appreciating the surroundings, then go off and listen to this one song Save Tonight which I listed to one time in 2013 and... I don't really want to share, but I was thinking about fucking Chance and then going for Todd, listening to this song, than immediately dismissed the prospect. At this point, after he died, we dissipated built up anticipation about seeing Chance in person, which I always consciously thought would happen eventually. Subbie knew better.