I made a point of telling Jason proudly, in my mind, as I was fighting off the spells in summer of 2022... "I would never gloat about my virtue on drugs."
Jason said, you got to be kidding me, oh, you're not kidding? Well, actually, that's not bad...
Then... I was sent to the hospital by the Deluded Reference Club. I have realized since this incident, oh fuck leaky mouth, leaky mouth, did I say something about race here, yes the three of them were black, it was just an inside joke with myself after Christie said to me about hovering over me when I had a knife so I couldn't cut my vegetables in peace, 'This stays off Facebook!'" And... I knew because of that there might be something serious about my predicament, or reputation. I went for the gold anyway, yacked probably, I don't remember what I said, about the Black Power Brigade which insinuates it was some sort of contest of races or something which is irrelevant. Look, I'm sorry. This incident was not about race, and actually the African Americans.... Are more fun to talk to on the spiritual plane. Like the Audio book the Triple Package I look at suddenly, being a minority drives passion in to some people's steps.
I know this virtue thing might annoy people. You can think that to yourself, but don't tell other people that... I think I'm the Chosen One, well everyone already knows I think that. However, it says in the reports due to spiritually possessed incidents, it says I'm violent when I don't think violently at all, I don't like violence. I have pushed people away in self-defense, like the cat, that was such a groan of an incident because my parents made fun of me for putting poor Chubbie Mae in the garage, yada yada stay on topic. Yeah and I kicked the cat, knee-jerk reaction when she rubbed against my legs later that day.
The best time to be thinking about your own virtue is when sitting at a table at St. Vincent's Hospital, in a casual chat and color session, and some girl says, "You know I'm usually really nice when thinking about other people, however..." Stop right there. Nice, huh? I'll show you nice... Why can't she be nice to? Just take her word for it. I smiled at her later, and she commented on the spiritual plane, I saw that thought process! I laughed to myself about this incident, because you might not get it, but I forgive myself here. At the time, I couldn't even watch television I was so easily triggered, and morbidly upset about my general ignorance of facts which made me feel so fucking stupid, and no friends to talk to... When I was a child, I may have told myself that I was self-centered. Then suddenly, my compassion hit me in the face. That's why Alfred always said it in a stupid voice to me, repeating something I thought to myself about being considered virtuous.
Actually, I was told that this girl told that story to someone else, and they laughed AT me. This period of time was slim pickings for feelings of self-love and acceptance of self. I still had that V-word attached to me. Am I making sense? I liked this story.
I thought old what's-his-name was mad that I thought this, though. So, I pointed to the spot in fourth grade. The reason I might not appear like I'm always sacrificing myself for others, the degrading sickness of the Social Predicament made me anti-social. I'm on a mission too, and tending to my brain's needs is a full-time job. And yes, I should have taken the cans in my room to Plaid Pantry and got cash back, how hard can that possibly be? Well, coulda woulda shoulda, you are right, at the time I didn't know Plaid Pantry would recycle them.
I notice the cursor, is what I wanted to point out. The cursor of my motivation, which I watch due to the fact that the spirit world is always watching what I'm thinking with diehard obsession. I'm in this kind of morbid death clique on the other side, I don't know if I'm really one of the cool kids (see here I go with my high school motif...), but I wrote a series of books that are funny parodies of real situations on various planes. Anyway... Whoops tangent.
I go back to noticing the cursor. I look at the cursor when I am at rest. And I look at the cursor when I am going through the hardest struggle of please don't medicate me. All the time, I wish no one harm. However... You must look at the potential to misuse the power behind the cursor when we introduce the thought process of petting others like they are common lambs or sheep.
And then I remember that I used to pet people and that was weird, and people might have thought that was strange. But also, wow I've changed this lifetime. Would I do it all again? No, but I get a better wacky experience on the other side, as John Lennon and I are both collectors of strange experiences, as we put it (it's a drug thing, yes surrie).
Actually, what is virtue exactly? It is emotional sensitivity, but in time you learn to block out other people's emotions, and there is some tuning into...
I lost my train of thought. Yes I believe this situation. I believe lots of things, but when I think of what Christians believe, that's weirder than anything I believe. That Jesus died for our sins, I mean, that God's son had to die, and everyone always dies at the end of their lifetime anyway, but Jesus Christ had to be crucified for our sins. That's sort of dumb, honestly. However... It's a fun story when you read it and live it and get into it, sort of like you excuse Bella's Character Flaw in Twilight, kind of a shallow floozy woman.
I personally excuse a woman for having strange socially reason if she happens to be unusually pieous and God is always helping her and with her. Also, she wasn't the only one at Bible study who God spoke to individually, other people said that happened to them as well and told good stories. I believed all of them. I'm good at empathy and knowing which stories are made up and which are true, through my intuition.
No comments:
Post a Comment