History of Innercept, In Brief

First, I went through the whiny cry-ee period. I ran off and hid behind the shed, wanting (not waiting) to die. I tried to drown myself in the bathtub. I didn't tell a soul, it's just dumb to think I wouldn't come up for air. Britney Spears did it in a video, though.

Then, around August, I was Christian. I thought in my head, while listening to a song by Disturbed, Land of Confusion, and walked. I told my parents, wow I miss the small things. Gosh, I miss going for a walk listening to music. Wow, and Innercept lets me, music and walking at the same time, outside, no indoor treadmill stuff (nonsense).

For most of the time, I was volunteering at the Humane Society as well.

In November of 2008, yep first Innercept year... I don't know what you remember if I started Innercept in 2007, solid year, or 2008 a good year. Yeah, it was the time I let go of the belief that I was Jesus, that year.

Do you think I am so arrogant I believe I am Jesus? You didn't skip reading Party Like Jesus, did you?

You may have, and I can't force you to read it.

However, in December of 2008 I attempted suicide.

Then, in 2009, I got excited about this year being a great year, and I was allowed Adderall, 20 mg XR I think, could have been 30. I wouldn't remember the doseage, but I would remember what medication I was on and the time period or years and months I was on it. I've gotten accused of this by my parents before, they have told me I wouldn't remember what medication I was on at the time.

Then, the Adderall was taken away. I tried to switch to coffee, but Paige told me they mixed it with decaf, and I was feeling like crap anyway, believable story to me, there were more coffee grounds in the same coffee ground container than yesterday, yes they would do that to us.

I started walking, thinking I want out of this place. Really, I was walking to ye ole Maxwell house, which is the name of the street the other house is at, it's not named after the coffee brand. I didn't make it, they came after me, chased me, took me to Kootenai County Behavior Health. I was there, when they switched my medication from Abilify and Lamictal, to Geodon, and then also Lithium.

I was cycling like a rollercoaster here! Cycling... Cycling... I got out of the hospital, I would laugh my head off by the bathtub, I hated it but God I could laugh. Wow, that Matthew III was funny... Yeah it was funny, and Hugh also knew about it.

Yep, and everything was about Hugh, too. I really liked him, he's okay face wise, not going to lie I like the way his face looks but he isn't the babe Sean, like oh my God but no. I don't care about faces, anyway. You could... He's fine.

My mother even gave me Baby Huey cards to keep in my purse to try to get over him. I did not use them, though Subbie said, and this is a quote, "Well you wanted hypnosis to get over the guy, why not try Baby Huey cards?"

So, we are still talking about the 2009 period. Around June, a year after coming to Innercept in June 2008, I started taking a philosophy class. Then, I had to go Sarah Sabel's wedding, which I thought was fine, the problem was afterwards I got jealous, you know I should be getting married and graduating from college right now, I wish... Instead, I was forced to take Geodon and ride around in a car for most of the day.

I remember eating their fucking food too. The food pantry brought food to the Humane Society. I sat there and ate it, and never complained. I sat in the room, and wrote in my Geodon Philosophy Notebook, which was dark purple. Then, I would walk dogs, every once in awhile, walk a dog. This was fun, or I suddenly got more optimistic thinking of this.

However, simultaneously they gave me quarters for doing basic things like showering and brushing my teeth, in August and July of 2009.

Then what happened, Rachel?

I took a test and got prescribed Adderall! I was on Adderall, I beasted through a 2 and a half hour workout every other day, and programmed a perfect Tetris learning algorithm game. I did this perfectly, and it was on Adderall.

Then what happened, Rachel?

Well, that was when I got sent to Transition, and I discovered cough syrup. Wow that was fun, but something was wrong, and the Geodon stayed. I would cycle into deep depressions, not thinking of suicide, actually right here I tried cutting. I cut my wrists three times, and on the third I did not cover it, I went to the medication center, sat down, with a staff present, and confessed to cutting myself and that I wanted to stop. And I never cut again, true story. It wasn't really fun to me anyway.

So... Well, I couldn't go back to college, but I tried to take Philosophy and Nutrition from BYU. I did quite a bit of the Nutrition class, I learned a lot. The Philosophy class was... I couldn't read Descarte. Like dude, I don't follow your train of thought. I get I think therefore I am.

Then, I tried meth! Similar to Adderall, I just can't concentrate! Well, I don't have to do it again, but it's normal to know, or I mean helpful to know, it feels like Adderall.

It did the first time I did it, in June of 2010. I was sent to Intensive Transition, where I also did well on the chewing tobacco I did in my private little fucking bedroom which I liked, I liked having privacy. See, Rachel does better with privacy of space.

So, blech, I agreed, this chewing gum is better. I was still on Adderall, and started composing symphonies. However, the Geodon was not helping! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Whoops, skipped ahead. I was cycling from the Geodon, now only up, and yes I remember sitting in the Innercept office with you, Beev and F. Meeke, and I kept rehashing stuff, it was Hugh's dream and maybe Matthew III, I was zoney and out of it I couldn't concentrate and the meth was still... It interacted with the Geodon. Now, though, I cycled up and up only.

I got changed from Geodon to Invega, going off Geodon made me stop cycling. On Invega, I gained weight. Yeah, I could have made the effort to go to the gym, the Kroc Center, which I did too but not enough. I had to go there to use the internet.

Okay, so you want to hear the rest of the story?

In 2011 I was querying agents about publishing my book. That went absolutely nowhere. I was happy, though, boy was I with the spiritual plane that I was on then. I got no bites or requests of my book, only from some woman Julia Simko's dad knew.

In 2012, I attended this Bible Study. So there was Bible Study.

I was also taking theater and working with the elderly who had dementia.

What happened Rachel?

Actually... Is this passing?

Bible Study