Oh, dating websites. This is where I am reminded that most people bore me. I see the same thing over and over and over again: "I'm a pretty laid-back easy going dude. I want a real relationship no drama no bs no headgames. I like to hike, fish, spend time outdoors." Everyone in Northern Idaho/Spokane likes to spend time outdoors. I'd like to see something a little more original.
My profile is original. I basically copied and pasted what I said under about me on facebook onto my POF account. Yeah, stuff about spirits. Some people think it's cool. Some people think I'm joking (I'm not). One guy told me: "You're too cute to believe in stuff like that."
This is the kind of comment that would piss me off if I cared about what other people said. I don't, but I'm going to say what I think anyway.
Some people think it's naive to believe in stuff like psychic abilities and spirits. I think the people who don't believe are naive. First, let's discuss what naive means. It means you lack the experience to understand how the world works. It's not the same as immature, which is an emotional state. Naive is more about knowledge gained from experience. These people have not had experiences like me any many other people have, the experiences that make you realize that there are forces at work in your life beyond those you can see.
Now I know what a lot of skeptic types would be thinking now. They have probably encountered people who are overly superstitious in their thinking and resort to the "it's a spirit" or "it's something supernatural" conclusion too quickly. I feel these people on this. I remember this one time, I was looking at some sort of metaphysical website. There were some photographs some people had taken of supposedly supernatural things like orbs and shit. In this one picture, there were two kids, one with their hand out and then some massive "spirit" thing coming out from their hand. The person who had submitted the picture had written that the lady who took the picture just had this talent for capturing "special things" or whatever in her pictures. Well, I know what it looks like when a strand of hair gets in front of the camera lens, and I can tell you, that "spirit" looked an awful lot like a strand of hair. I was thinking this lady probably had frizzy hair or something and that's why she was able to capture stuff like that in her photographs. I don't know if that's true, but that was the conclusion I came to. Anyway, my point is, some people are too quick to label things as supernatural, and that's where I think a lot of the skeptics are coming from.
I didn't believe in anything supernatural when I was younger. I thought the whole idea of someone being psychic was a joke, and everyone knew that, I didn't think that anyone took it seriously. Because, obviously, you can't look into someone else's mind or someone else's life, how the hell is that supposed to work? Supernatural stuff goes against what one would think would be correct. But here's what I don't get: Who are these people to think that they understand the world, existence, and consciousness SO WELL that that kind of shit just could never possibly happen? These things aren't understood very well at all. But while I do believe in psychic abilities, I don't recommend spending money on psychics, because they are unreliable. That's why psychic abilities haven't been proven.
And the thing about spirits is, if you lived my life, you too would believe in them. It used to drive me crazy because when I would talk to people, no one understood how crazy stuff from my life was, they would just brush off everything I told them. Then I realized something: these were just the doctors, therapists, and my parents. When I talked to other people about it, they seemed to think it was pretty crazy as well.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Me: The Master of Manipulation
So, I have plenty of things on my mind right now. The trick is finding something I can write about that I wouldn't mind anybody in the world reading.
I was once told by a doctor at a hospital who barely knew me that I was the master of manipulation. I honestly don't know why he said that, as I didn't do anything manipulative at the time. But had he really known what he was talking about, I would have taken it as a compliment.
Being manipulative to me means you know how to use human psychology to get your way. "Your way" isn't necessarily bad. You could manipulate someone in a way that ends up being mutually beneficial. Being manipulative means you are good at influencing people. You've got to be smart to be manipulative. Stupid people rarely successfully manipulate others. So when someone tells me I'm manipulative, to me they're telling me, "you've got brains and you know how to use them." Really, that's what I hear.
I remember one time when I was in junior high, I was shopping with my mom, probably at the Gap. I was trying on an article of clothing. I wanted her to buy it for me, but she was leaning toward the no side. Then I said something along the lines of: "but I like it." It wasn't what I said that was important, it was the fact that when I said it, there was a very slight amount of whininess in my voice. I noticed a sudden change in the manner in which she acted, and she said fine and she turned around and bought it for me. What a great discovery!
I tried it again another day, with a different article of clothing. I let that slight whine creep into my voice when she was leaning toward the no side, and again she changed and bought me what I wanted. Then another day, I got overly confident and tried to use my tactic again, but this time let too much whine slip into my voice. She immediately said "No!" very firmly. That was the last time I tried that trick.
Anyway, my interpretation of this is that when I only used a slight amount of whine, the effect was subconscious, and reminded her of childhood tantrums. Subconsciously she sensed a tantrum coming on, even though she would have known I was much too old to throw tantrums, but it was on a subconscious level so she didn't think of that. On a conscious level she had decided not to give into whininess, so when the whine was strong there was a firm no.
But anyway, in conclusion, manipulation can be useful.
I was once told by a doctor at a hospital who barely knew me that I was the master of manipulation. I honestly don't know why he said that, as I didn't do anything manipulative at the time. But had he really known what he was talking about, I would have taken it as a compliment.
Being manipulative to me means you know how to use human psychology to get your way. "Your way" isn't necessarily bad. You could manipulate someone in a way that ends up being mutually beneficial. Being manipulative means you are good at influencing people. You've got to be smart to be manipulative. Stupid people rarely successfully manipulate others. So when someone tells me I'm manipulative, to me they're telling me, "you've got brains and you know how to use them." Really, that's what I hear.
I remember one time when I was in junior high, I was shopping with my mom, probably at the Gap. I was trying on an article of clothing. I wanted her to buy it for me, but she was leaning toward the no side. Then I said something along the lines of: "but I like it." It wasn't what I said that was important, it was the fact that when I said it, there was a very slight amount of whininess in my voice. I noticed a sudden change in the manner in which she acted, and she said fine and she turned around and bought it for me. What a great discovery!
I tried it again another day, with a different article of clothing. I let that slight whine creep into my voice when she was leaning toward the no side, and again she changed and bought me what I wanted. Then another day, I got overly confident and tried to use my tactic again, but this time let too much whine slip into my voice. She immediately said "No!" very firmly. That was the last time I tried that trick.
Anyway, my interpretation of this is that when I only used a slight amount of whine, the effect was subconscious, and reminded her of childhood tantrums. Subconsciously she sensed a tantrum coming on, even though she would have known I was much too old to throw tantrums, but it was on a subconscious level so she didn't think of that. On a conscious level she had decided not to give into whininess, so when the whine was strong there was a firm no.
But anyway, in conclusion, manipulation can be useful.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Moral Relativism
So, the other day I was looking for a speech topic and I came across an article on philosophical questions. One of them was the idea of moral relativism. Moral relativists basically believe that there aren't any absolute rights and wrongs when it comes to moral questions, but rather morality is subjective. So of course, I have to say what I think about this.
The article gave the example that one guy thinks hitting people is morally wrong while another guy thinks it is an appropriate way to assert dominance. Their differences are based on their cultures. The article suggests that they are both right.
I believe that morality is absolute and not relative. Morality is a code of conduct that works best in an ideal society. There aren't any societies on this planet that are truly ideal, in fact I think a perfectly ideal society is incredibly unrealistic, but some societies are more ideal than others. The two guys in the hypothetical situation who expressed their opinions on hitting people had opinions based on the code of conduct in their respective societies. Just because a practice is considered acceptable, doesn't mean it is morally right.
If you are a moral relativist, you could argue that slavery is morally okay. There was a time when it was considered an acceptable practice in our society. The south needed slave labor. Without any absolute morals, there is no basis to say that it is wrong to oppress other people, it just depends on the opinion of the society that a person is from.
In an ideal society, everyone is equal, no one oppresses anyone else, and people behave in a way that doesn't create distance between them and other people. That is because the only thing the soul truly desires is unity and connection with other souls. Since people tend to resent people who hit them, that would create distance between people and therefore hitting others would be morally wrong.
The desire to assert dominance in an evolutionary desire, because in nature animals have to compete for survival. In an ideal society, people overcome their evolutionary desires because the soul is more powerful than the programmed-in instincts. While the instincts might want to distance you from some other people, the soul desires unity with everyone.
Some subjects, like abortion, do have a definite answer but humans don't necessarily have that answer, because we don't really know when personhood begins.
But anyway, that's what I think. Maybe I don't understand the discussion about moral relativism that well.
The article gave the example that one guy thinks hitting people is morally wrong while another guy thinks it is an appropriate way to assert dominance. Their differences are based on their cultures. The article suggests that they are both right.
I believe that morality is absolute and not relative. Morality is a code of conduct that works best in an ideal society. There aren't any societies on this planet that are truly ideal, in fact I think a perfectly ideal society is incredibly unrealistic, but some societies are more ideal than others. The two guys in the hypothetical situation who expressed their opinions on hitting people had opinions based on the code of conduct in their respective societies. Just because a practice is considered acceptable, doesn't mean it is morally right.
If you are a moral relativist, you could argue that slavery is morally okay. There was a time when it was considered an acceptable practice in our society. The south needed slave labor. Without any absolute morals, there is no basis to say that it is wrong to oppress other people, it just depends on the opinion of the society that a person is from.
In an ideal society, everyone is equal, no one oppresses anyone else, and people behave in a way that doesn't create distance between them and other people. That is because the only thing the soul truly desires is unity and connection with other souls. Since people tend to resent people who hit them, that would create distance between people and therefore hitting others would be morally wrong.
The desire to assert dominance in an evolutionary desire, because in nature animals have to compete for survival. In an ideal society, people overcome their evolutionary desires because the soul is more powerful than the programmed-in instincts. While the instincts might want to distance you from some other people, the soul desires unity with everyone.
Some subjects, like abortion, do have a definite answer but humans don't necessarily have that answer, because we don't really know when personhood begins.
But anyway, that's what I think. Maybe I don't understand the discussion about moral relativism that well.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
The Woes of Being an Unpublished Author
Trying to get published is a maddening process that I don’t recommend for anyone.
If you’ve read previous posts you already know that I wrote a magazine article, which I submitted to a magazine. I got a rejection, but based on what they said in the personal note they wrote me, and on the fact that I got a personal note in the first place, they did like it and seriously considered publishing it. So, as far as getting published goes, this means I got close but didn’t quite make it. I’ve since submitted to another magazine.
This was a short, just over two page double-spaced article. I’m more concerned about getting my book published, which is 370 pages double spaced. The article was in my opinion some of my best writing. My book isn’t poorly written but it’s hard to keep up a strong sense of voice for 370 pages. It was easy when it was just two pages.
Another thing I know is, writing is a magical process and it’s hard to just sit down and write something good at any random time. And if I didn’t do drugs, forget it, I wouldn’t be able to do it. I take these drugs legally (Adderall through prescription plus caffeine and nicotine gum). These drugs keep my thoughts from darting around randomly, and makes them flow in a conversational stream. I get caught on one subject, start feeling passionately opinionated about something, and that’s when the magic happens. That’s when I’m in the mood to write. That’s why I decided against going off Adderall.
But anyway, back to my book. So around the beginning of the year I wrote a new query letter, posted in on a website for writers, got positive feedback, and I have since resumed querying. I’ve sent out more than ten query letters and I have gotten back four form rejections. One thing you have to understand, though, is a lot of literary agencies don’t send form rejections, they simply don’t respond if they’re not interested. So that doesn’t mean I am awaiting at least six more responses, some of the others have probably passed on my project without the courtesy of telling me. But I should receive a few more responses.
So I am reminded of that common definition of insanity that everyone is familiar with. I feel like keep doing the same thing over and over again. But, come to think of it, I don’t really expect a different result, whenever I see a response to one of my queries in my inbox I fully expect a form rejection, and hey, it always is. But you haven’t failed until you’ve given up. I keep telling myself I’m not going to give up until I’m published. I’m really at a loss for what to do next, though. I kind of wonder if these agencies ever send out anything besides form rejections. I’m really, really frustrated. I don’t even feel guided anymore. I’m just standing alone in the middle of nowhere completely lost, without any means of moving forward. Perhaps I’m being too dramatic.
Honestly, I would have given up already, if it weren’t for the fact that I think that my book is the best fucking thing ever. Yes, it is. Sure, it’s a bit different from the other books on the market. There isn’t any book that I’ve heard of that I would compare it to. But different is a good thing, the way I see it. Some people have read (parts of) it and some of them also act like it’s the best thing ever. Trouble is, I get mad because I don’t think they really understand it. In order to understand my book, you have to have a good comprehension of what I believed when I was delusional. While reading about it, you have to stay on your toes, in order to properly digest the information I feed to you in that section of the book, and you have to do it in a hurry because I feed it to you fast. It’s also the kind of book that’s worth reading more than once.
But, to sum things up, my fight to get published isn’t over till it’s over. And, as of right now, it’s far from over. That’s all for now.
If you’ve read previous posts you already know that I wrote a magazine article, which I submitted to a magazine. I got a rejection, but based on what they said in the personal note they wrote me, and on the fact that I got a personal note in the first place, they did like it and seriously considered publishing it. So, as far as getting published goes, this means I got close but didn’t quite make it. I’ve since submitted to another magazine.
This was a short, just over two page double-spaced article. I’m more concerned about getting my book published, which is 370 pages double spaced. The article was in my opinion some of my best writing. My book isn’t poorly written but it’s hard to keep up a strong sense of voice for 370 pages. It was easy when it was just two pages.
Another thing I know is, writing is a magical process and it’s hard to just sit down and write something good at any random time. And if I didn’t do drugs, forget it, I wouldn’t be able to do it. I take these drugs legally (Adderall through prescription plus caffeine and nicotine gum). These drugs keep my thoughts from darting around randomly, and makes them flow in a conversational stream. I get caught on one subject, start feeling passionately opinionated about something, and that’s when the magic happens. That’s when I’m in the mood to write. That’s why I decided against going off Adderall.
But anyway, back to my book. So around the beginning of the year I wrote a new query letter, posted in on a website for writers, got positive feedback, and I have since resumed querying. I’ve sent out more than ten query letters and I have gotten back four form rejections. One thing you have to understand, though, is a lot of literary agencies don’t send form rejections, they simply don’t respond if they’re not interested. So that doesn’t mean I am awaiting at least six more responses, some of the others have probably passed on my project without the courtesy of telling me. But I should receive a few more responses.
So I am reminded of that common definition of insanity that everyone is familiar with. I feel like keep doing the same thing over and over again. But, come to think of it, I don’t really expect a different result, whenever I see a response to one of my queries in my inbox I fully expect a form rejection, and hey, it always is. But you haven’t failed until you’ve given up. I keep telling myself I’m not going to give up until I’m published. I’m really at a loss for what to do next, though. I kind of wonder if these agencies ever send out anything besides form rejections. I’m really, really frustrated. I don’t even feel guided anymore. I’m just standing alone in the middle of nowhere completely lost, without any means of moving forward. Perhaps I’m being too dramatic.
Honestly, I would have given up already, if it weren’t for the fact that I think that my book is the best fucking thing ever. Yes, it is. Sure, it’s a bit different from the other books on the market. There isn’t any book that I’ve heard of that I would compare it to. But different is a good thing, the way I see it. Some people have read (parts of) it and some of them also act like it’s the best thing ever. Trouble is, I get mad because I don’t think they really understand it. In order to understand my book, you have to have a good comprehension of what I believed when I was delusional. While reading about it, you have to stay on your toes, in order to properly digest the information I feed to you in that section of the book, and you have to do it in a hurry because I feed it to you fast. It’s also the kind of book that’s worth reading more than once.
But, to sum things up, my fight to get published isn’t over till it’s over. And, as of right now, it’s far from over. That’s all for now.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Stupid Western Culture
Sometimes if I think too much about the culture we live in, the inconsistencies drive me crazy.
So I live in conservative Christian north Idaho. I own a bible. I read my bible, usually nightly. I attend a two and a half hour bible study on Tuesday nights, and church most Sundays. According to facebook I'm a born-again deist. I change my beliefs from time to time, and whenever I change them I'm a "born again" something or other.
I don't know if that's even relevant, but the point is I listen. I see value in acquiring information and then using my power of reason to reason my way through it, to decide what I believe and what I don't believe.
Trouble is, I'm not allowed to come to my own conclusions about things, unless they are consistent with other peoples' conclusions. If they don't match up, I am labeled unfit to make my own decisions.
It's because of the culture we live in, stupid materialistic western culture, that thinks that everything is physical and chemical.
Anyway, what got me started on this was that the night before last I had a bad dream about malls. It may have been about malls because I died in a mall in a previous life. This is a subject I won't get into. Anyway, it felt as if my mind were under attack. I was wondering about this, and looked up "psychic attacks" on the internet. I came across some interesting pages. I can relate to the symptoms of being influenced by a spirit. I can relate to the feeling of being "drained." It's not a feeling of being hungry, tired, or even depressed, but just like the life is sucked out of you. It's not like you're coming off a drug either, I know what that feels like. When I was feeling "drained," I felt this other person inside of me and I was worried that they were going to take me over completely. I was scared.
It's culturally accepted to believe in the bible. In the bible, Jesus drives demons out of people. But today, that kind of stuff doesn't happen. Or maybe I'm getting two different cultures mixed up. There's Christian culture and then there's atheistic culture.
My mom talks to and trusts psychics. The same psychic she trusts told me that my "mental illness" wasn't just a mental illness, it was a psychic thing, but that my brain was adding to it too. She also said that it's not just in my head that a spirit is messing with me, there is (or was) one pestering me. But my mom likes to talk to psychics to contact the dead relatives. I read on the website yesterday that dead people aren't really a good source of information because they don't necessarily have any more information than they did while they were alive.
At any rate, I don't even know why I'm posting this, as it may make certain people think that I am unfit to make my own decisions.
So I live in conservative Christian north Idaho. I own a bible. I read my bible, usually nightly. I attend a two and a half hour bible study on Tuesday nights, and church most Sundays. According to facebook I'm a born-again deist. I change my beliefs from time to time, and whenever I change them I'm a "born again" something or other.
I don't know if that's even relevant, but the point is I listen. I see value in acquiring information and then using my power of reason to reason my way through it, to decide what I believe and what I don't believe.
Trouble is, I'm not allowed to come to my own conclusions about things, unless they are consistent with other peoples' conclusions. If they don't match up, I am labeled unfit to make my own decisions.
It's because of the culture we live in, stupid materialistic western culture, that thinks that everything is physical and chemical.
Anyway, what got me started on this was that the night before last I had a bad dream about malls. It may have been about malls because I died in a mall in a previous life. This is a subject I won't get into. Anyway, it felt as if my mind were under attack. I was wondering about this, and looked up "psychic attacks" on the internet. I came across some interesting pages. I can relate to the symptoms of being influenced by a spirit. I can relate to the feeling of being "drained." It's not a feeling of being hungry, tired, or even depressed, but just like the life is sucked out of you. It's not like you're coming off a drug either, I know what that feels like. When I was feeling "drained," I felt this other person inside of me and I was worried that they were going to take me over completely. I was scared.
It's culturally accepted to believe in the bible. In the bible, Jesus drives demons out of people. But today, that kind of stuff doesn't happen. Or maybe I'm getting two different cultures mixed up. There's Christian culture and then there's atheistic culture.
My mom talks to and trusts psychics. The same psychic she trusts told me that my "mental illness" wasn't just a mental illness, it was a psychic thing, but that my brain was adding to it too. She also said that it's not just in my head that a spirit is messing with me, there is (or was) one pestering me. But my mom likes to talk to psychics to contact the dead relatives. I read on the website yesterday that dead people aren't really a good source of information because they don't necessarily have any more information than they did while they were alive.
At any rate, I don't even know why I'm posting this, as it may make certain people think that I am unfit to make my own decisions.
Monday, February 6, 2012
The Kind of Things that Only Happen to Me
Sometimes I think I just hold onto anger because it's fun.
I was doing research for a school project today, and something I was researching got me thinking. This is where things are vague. I was thinking about how curious I was about certain things. Then, I realized I might be happier not knowing certain things, because the truth would probably just upset me and piss me off. And a mild cloud of despair started to form, as I stewed in these thoughts, imagining what certain people might think.
And in this moment I realized something. I mentioned before there is someone whom I am angry at. And just in case someone comes across this who is aware of certain events in my life, let's just say it's someone you wouldn't expect. Before I was thinking I had gotten over the real sting of what they did, I just continued to seethe because, well, I like to seethe! But in this moment, I realized how much better off I'd be, how much more comfortable I'd feel if this person hadn't done what they did. And I felt justified in my anger.
So I sat there, thinking about how people just don't understand. If they had only known what things were like for me, they wouldn't be this way. But oh, I know how people are. They like to assume the worst. Sometimes I do this too, I assume the worst. If I didn't assume the worst, it wouldn't mean anything to me, what this person did. But when you don't have very much information to go by, you closely examine the information you do have, and draw conclusions based on it. I am very familiar with this.
So, I combat all this with hope and positive feelings about the future. I will publish my book, which explains my side of the story. And people will hear my side of the story. Of course no one would understand now. These are the kind of things that only happen to me.
I was doing research for a school project today, and something I was researching got me thinking. This is where things are vague. I was thinking about how curious I was about certain things. Then, I realized I might be happier not knowing certain things, because the truth would probably just upset me and piss me off. And a mild cloud of despair started to form, as I stewed in these thoughts, imagining what certain people might think.
And in this moment I realized something. I mentioned before there is someone whom I am angry at. And just in case someone comes across this who is aware of certain events in my life, let's just say it's someone you wouldn't expect. Before I was thinking I had gotten over the real sting of what they did, I just continued to seethe because, well, I like to seethe! But in this moment, I realized how much better off I'd be, how much more comfortable I'd feel if this person hadn't done what they did. And I felt justified in my anger.
So I sat there, thinking about how people just don't understand. If they had only known what things were like for me, they wouldn't be this way. But oh, I know how people are. They like to assume the worst. Sometimes I do this too, I assume the worst. If I didn't assume the worst, it wouldn't mean anything to me, what this person did. But when you don't have very much information to go by, you closely examine the information you do have, and draw conclusions based on it. I am very familiar with this.
So, I combat all this with hope and positive feelings about the future. I will publish my book, which explains my side of the story. And people will hear my side of the story. Of course no one would understand now. These are the kind of things that only happen to me.
Friday, February 3, 2012
The Human Connection
So I wanted to write about something that I was thinking about the other day, but didn't get around to actually blogging about. No one talked to me about this particular subject, I was just listening to some people on the bus talking about religion and it made me think of it.
I like to talk about religion, and about philosophical beliefs in general. I have my own beliefs, and I like to share them. I like to ask other people about their beliefs. I am aware that this is a sensitive topic for some people and some shy away from talking about it. But I don't shy away from it.
I am curious person and I ask people questions about their beliefs. When I do so, I have no intention of changing their mind about anything. I just seek to understand. I don't care one way or the other what you believe as long as it's not something that causes you to do something that's damaging to someone else. The only thing I care about is that if we don't agree, we can put our differences aside, agree to disagree and still connect on a human level. This might sound weird coming from someone who doesn't talk to very many people, but I see the human connection as the only thing that really matters. I see it as valuable to be able to connect with a wide variety of different people. Because the way I see it, nothing bad is going to happen to you if you don't believe the "right thing."
This was a short entry.
I like to talk about religion, and about philosophical beliefs in general. I have my own beliefs, and I like to share them. I like to ask other people about their beliefs. I am aware that this is a sensitive topic for some people and some shy away from talking about it. But I don't shy away from it.
I am curious person and I ask people questions about their beliefs. When I do so, I have no intention of changing their mind about anything. I just seek to understand. I don't care one way or the other what you believe as long as it's not something that causes you to do something that's damaging to someone else. The only thing I care about is that if we don't agree, we can put our differences aside, agree to disagree and still connect on a human level. This might sound weird coming from someone who doesn't talk to very many people, but I see the human connection as the only thing that really matters. I see it as valuable to be able to connect with a wide variety of different people. Because the way I see it, nothing bad is going to happen to you if you don't believe the "right thing."
This was a short entry.
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