So I am having doubts about this religious crap in my life. Like, I don't know if I even believe Jesus was God or any of that bullshit.
My belief in the divine/spiritual and my belief in Jesus are two entirely separate things. If I stop believing in Jesus, I would just go back to being spiritual and not religious. But I wouldn't be an atheist, is what I am saying.
For whatever reason though I am obsessed with Jesus. And I have been kind of been thinking, we kind of need to have Jesus as a dead role model in our society. Because I kind of think, it gives people a standard against being a good person is judged. Like, I don't know if a lot of people even recognize what it means to be a good person.
To me it means, not seeking revenge. Forgiveness. And all that other crap Jesus talked about. I don't know.
The thing is, I have always had an interest in religion, but when I actually became religious it was kind of like a delusional thing, because of me going to hell in my sleep. And now my belief in religion is entirely based on fear. Because it introduced this concept, that hell is so scary, you don't even want to risk it. It might be bullshit, but what if it's not and you're not saved? You're screwed. I never thought that way before until I went to hell in my sleep.
But I am wondering. Why did God go out of his way to save me, but not other people? Am I better than other people?
I don't know. Maybe I am. But sometimes I am so selfish I think I am like a sociopath or something. But there is a part of me that is kind of like a child, in a good way. And there are certain kinds of pain that I understand, and if I feel that someone is going through that, I will do what I can to make it better. And I would never cause that sort of pain. Like, I can't even yell at people, because people have yelled at me and it has made me feel bad, so now I see people yell at others and wonder how they can do that.
I can yell at my parents though, if I am upset enough. But there have been times when I should have yelled at someone but didn't.
Anyway, I am going off on a tangent. I am still Christian for now, but I have doubts about it.
One thing my parents commented on was the fact that I added things that weren't really an original part of Christian theology, in order for it to make sense.
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Monday, October 21, 2013
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Where the Yin Meets the Yang: Why God is Probably a Girl
So I am taking a short break from studying mobile app development to write this blog on something I was thinking yesterday.
Human's existence on Earth, the speck of human consciousness, is the place where the logical meets the emotional. It all occurs inside the human mind.
The physical is the logical, the masculine, the yang. It is concerned with things that are concrete, things that are measurable, calculable, things that you can apply logic to.
The spiritual is the emotional, the feminine, the yin. It is concerned with experiences, how we experience things, experiences we understand but cannot put words to, or apply logic to.
It's like how you can't describe color to a blind man. Because the experience of colors is something there are no words to describe.
A little kid, or anyone for that matter, could go on asking "Why?" forever. There comes a point where you just have to say, "It is because... it is." Some things... just are. You can't describe them. You can't put logic to them.
The yang are the questions one asks. The yin is the things that just are, that you can't put words to or apply reason to.
And from this, we can deduce that God is probably a girl. Not that God has a vagina, because God doesn't have a body, but God is part of the feminine, or the yin. Because to me, God is the point where you stop applying reason. At least, in terms of how it came to be. God is the essence of the universe. God always was. God always will be. God just is. The essence of the universe is spiritual.
People make the mistake of not recognizing that their brain capacity is limited. In particular, atheists like Richard Dawkins. I read a quote by him that he dislikes religion because it makes you satisfied with not understanding.
You have to realize, that the nature of the universe, why everything came to be, is something that is impossible to understand fully. You can understand it better, but you can't understand it fully. Because when humans seek to understand something, they do this by attempting to apply logic to it. And some things just do not follow the rules of logic.
So you have to be satisfied with not understanding. You have to be the little kid who stops asking "Why?" Not that you should never ask why, but you also need to accept that certain things just are.
You see the conflict between the yin and the yang come into play when it comes to religion. Religion is an attempt to apply logic to the yin, or the spiritual. The truth is, logic and reason are native to the physical. That is why religions seem contradictory. They are contradictory if you use logic. In terms of metaphysics, they are different takes on the same thing.
So now what I am doing is, I am wondering if my experiences with hell really represented truth, or rather they just represented a step along the journey. The journey being my changing beliefs.
Human's existence on Earth, the speck of human consciousness, is the place where the logical meets the emotional. It all occurs inside the human mind.
The physical is the logical, the masculine, the yang. It is concerned with things that are concrete, things that are measurable, calculable, things that you can apply logic to.
The spiritual is the emotional, the feminine, the yin. It is concerned with experiences, how we experience things, experiences we understand but cannot put words to, or apply logic to.
It's like how you can't describe color to a blind man. Because the experience of colors is something there are no words to describe.
A little kid, or anyone for that matter, could go on asking "Why?" forever. There comes a point where you just have to say, "It is because... it is." Some things... just are. You can't describe them. You can't put logic to them.
The yang are the questions one asks. The yin is the things that just are, that you can't put words to or apply reason to.
And from this, we can deduce that God is probably a girl. Not that God has a vagina, because God doesn't have a body, but God is part of the feminine, or the yin. Because to me, God is the point where you stop applying reason. At least, in terms of how it came to be. God is the essence of the universe. God always was. God always will be. God just is. The essence of the universe is spiritual.
People make the mistake of not recognizing that their brain capacity is limited. In particular, atheists like Richard Dawkins. I read a quote by him that he dislikes religion because it makes you satisfied with not understanding.
You have to realize, that the nature of the universe, why everything came to be, is something that is impossible to understand fully. You can understand it better, but you can't understand it fully. Because when humans seek to understand something, they do this by attempting to apply logic to it. And some things just do not follow the rules of logic.
So you have to be satisfied with not understanding. You have to be the little kid who stops asking "Why?" Not that you should never ask why, but you also need to accept that certain things just are.
You see the conflict between the yin and the yang come into play when it comes to religion. Religion is an attempt to apply logic to the yin, or the spiritual. The truth is, logic and reason are native to the physical. That is why religions seem contradictory. They are contradictory if you use logic. In terms of metaphysics, they are different takes on the same thing.
So now what I am doing is, I am wondering if my experiences with hell really represented truth, or rather they just represented a step along the journey. The journey being my changing beliefs.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Definitions of God
So I've been writing my book and adding stuff. Lately I have added a few things about God. And this is when I worry that I am going to alienate people who are turned off by the word "God" and don't understand what I mean by it.
I divide the world into three basic groups of people: there are religious people, spiritual people, and atheists. Now some people, like agnostics, might be confused about what group they fall into. I don't really know it depends on the person. Some people might not fall into one of these categories neatly.
Religious people are people who have a religion and believe that their religion is correct and other religions are not. These are the kind of people who believe that you have to accept Jesus as your savior in order to be saved, and otherwise you are going to hell. But someone doesn't have to be Christian to fall into this category, they can be Muslim or Jewish or whatever, and strictly believe their religion and that all other religions are wrong.
Spiritual people have a more all-encompassing view of spirituality. This is the category that I fall under. I believe that a lot of religions contain a piece of the truth. Spiritual people believe there is more to existence than the physical, that there is a spiritual realm. People can be a part of this category even if they identify as being part of a particular religion, if they believe that their religion isn't the only correct one. These people usually believe in God, but people who identify as atheists could be a part of this group if they don't believe in God but they believe in other spiritual things.
When I talk about atheists I am only talking about a certain type of atheists. These people believe strictly in the physical world and that no spiritual realm exists. They don't believe in a soul, and they usually only believe in things that are based on science.
So the view I am trying to promote with this book is the spiritual view. So, it doesn't really matter if I alienate atheists that fit my definition. The thing is, I talk about God in my book. I kind of worry about this, because a lot of people who are spiritual seem freaked out by the word God. I don't mean a god who expects you to worship him and will damn you to hell for all eternity.
When I talk about God, I am not sure if I mean an incredibly powerful, massive individual spirit, like the father in the Trinity in Christianity. Or if I mean just a powerful benevolent spiritual force, like something akin to the Holy Ghost in the Trinity. It could be either one. I'm not sure which one it is.
I just worry that people will think that when I talk about God I am being religious. When I'm not really being religious, I am being spiritual. The way I see it, religions are spirituality. But spirituality is not a religion. Religions are a part of spirituality, and spirituality is something bigger and more all-encompassing.
I was just thinking about this because I mentioned something about God to my sister, or maybe just God came up for some reason, and my sister acted like people who believe in God are complete weirdos. The thing is, my sister is very spiritual, and I think she actually does believe in something that I would call God. But she doesn't call it that, because to her people who believe in God are goody two-shoe weirdos who are very sheltered and hate sex.
I divide the world into three basic groups of people: there are religious people, spiritual people, and atheists. Now some people, like agnostics, might be confused about what group they fall into. I don't really know it depends on the person. Some people might not fall into one of these categories neatly.
Religious people are people who have a religion and believe that their religion is correct and other religions are not. These are the kind of people who believe that you have to accept Jesus as your savior in order to be saved, and otherwise you are going to hell. But someone doesn't have to be Christian to fall into this category, they can be Muslim or Jewish or whatever, and strictly believe their religion and that all other religions are wrong.
Spiritual people have a more all-encompassing view of spirituality. This is the category that I fall under. I believe that a lot of religions contain a piece of the truth. Spiritual people believe there is more to existence than the physical, that there is a spiritual realm. People can be a part of this category even if they identify as being part of a particular religion, if they believe that their religion isn't the only correct one. These people usually believe in God, but people who identify as atheists could be a part of this group if they don't believe in God but they believe in other spiritual things.
When I talk about atheists I am only talking about a certain type of atheists. These people believe strictly in the physical world and that no spiritual realm exists. They don't believe in a soul, and they usually only believe in things that are based on science.
So the view I am trying to promote with this book is the spiritual view. So, it doesn't really matter if I alienate atheists that fit my definition. The thing is, I talk about God in my book. I kind of worry about this, because a lot of people who are spiritual seem freaked out by the word God. I don't mean a god who expects you to worship him and will damn you to hell for all eternity.
When I talk about God, I am not sure if I mean an incredibly powerful, massive individual spirit, like the father in the Trinity in Christianity. Or if I mean just a powerful benevolent spiritual force, like something akin to the Holy Ghost in the Trinity. It could be either one. I'm not sure which one it is.
I just worry that people will think that when I talk about God I am being religious. When I'm not really being religious, I am being spiritual. The way I see it, religions are spirituality. But spirituality is not a religion. Religions are a part of spirituality, and spirituality is something bigger and more all-encompassing.
I was just thinking about this because I mentioned something about God to my sister, or maybe just God came up for some reason, and my sister acted like people who believe in God are complete weirdos. The thing is, my sister is very spiritual, and I think she actually does believe in something that I would call God. But she doesn't call it that, because to her people who believe in God are goody two-shoe weirdos who are very sheltered and hate sex.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Near Delusional Ramblings on God and Humans
So I'm sitting here after class thinking some more. I'm asking myself, what makes me think the alternative to God is nothing? Maybe it is everything. Maybe all things exist at all time, every single possibility imaginable and even those unimaginable. It exists outside of time so it is funny that I referenced time. That means that in one of these universes God must exist, because I can imagine God. And it's funny because just yesterday my dad and I were talking about how Descartes made this argument and about how it was a weak argument. But it only works if everything exists. And it doesn't mean that God exists in this universe, maybe a parallel universe. I don't know.
Okay, so here's what I'm thinking now. Everything that exists is thought. The great mind of God thought everything into existence. At the core of humanity is awareness, or God, or me. And when I say me I mean, the feeling I associate with myself. That's what I think of when I think of the beginning of existence. I think of myself.
If I were to explain further this theory on thought I would just be spewing unoriginal ideas that I read from a book, in particular "Manifesting Change."
There is nothing more powerful than my soul. But since I am also human, I am in a weakened state.
Which reminds me of something else my dad and I were talking about. I mentioned that the human soul desires connection and bonding and unity. I also mentioned that this urge could be seen as evolutionary, as we evolved this way because people who stuck together tended to survive. But I told my dad that the desire to connect was a spiritual soul urge and not an evolutionary human urge, I mean in a way it's both because they fit together, but the origin is spiritual. I said something like that. My dad said it was kind of silly.
It works like this: we are souls first. But once we become human, we are humans first, souls second. But it depends on the person which one they place first. I place soul first, but then I break down and place human first.
And now I'm thinking, I could argue that we crave spirituality because we have that soul urge for more than the human world. But I know evolutionary people would argue with me. Some would say that it is just a way to deal with the realization that we are mortal. But that's not all it is for me. It's a hell of a lot more than that to me.
What the human desires is survival. So why does it desire spirituality? I can answer that, what human desires isn't actually survival! It's pleasure and comfort!
Maybe the desire for spirituality all comes down to the desire to have your mind blown, because it's pleasurable.
Okay, so here's what I'm thinking now. Everything that exists is thought. The great mind of God thought everything into existence. At the core of humanity is awareness, or God, or me. And when I say me I mean, the feeling I associate with myself. That's what I think of when I think of the beginning of existence. I think of myself.
If I were to explain further this theory on thought I would just be spewing unoriginal ideas that I read from a book, in particular "Manifesting Change."
There is nothing more powerful than my soul. But since I am also human, I am in a weakened state.
Which reminds me of something else my dad and I were talking about. I mentioned that the human soul desires connection and bonding and unity. I also mentioned that this urge could be seen as evolutionary, as we evolved this way because people who stuck together tended to survive. But I told my dad that the desire to connect was a spiritual soul urge and not an evolutionary human urge, I mean in a way it's both because they fit together, but the origin is spiritual. I said something like that. My dad said it was kind of silly.
It works like this: we are souls first. But once we become human, we are humans first, souls second. But it depends on the person which one they place first. I place soul first, but then I break down and place human first.
And now I'm thinking, I could argue that we crave spirituality because we have that soul urge for more than the human world. But I know evolutionary people would argue with me. Some would say that it is just a way to deal with the realization that we are mortal. But that's not all it is for me. It's a hell of a lot more than that to me.
What the human desires is survival. So why does it desire spirituality? I can answer that, what human desires isn't actually survival! It's pleasure and comfort!
Maybe the desire for spirituality all comes down to the desire to have your mind blown, because it's pleasurable.
The Origins of the Universe
A couple days ago I was at the library with the people from one of the Innercept campuses. I ran out of time on my computer, and it wasn't time to go yet so I wandered over to the new books to take a look, not planning on checking any out, I just wanted to look. I ended up checking one out. It's called "Something Out of Nothing," or something like that. It's pretty much how atheists figure the universe was created, I guess. I checked out, being a theist, thinking there was nothing they could say to convince me that the universe is meaningless and just randomly came about. But hey, I'd give this guy a shot to convince me and I'd listen to his arguments. It has an afterward by Richard Dawkins, the guy who wrote "The God Delusion."
I started reading the book, but this guy kept texting me and it was distracting. In the preface, the author did address the problem that I had in my mind with his theory, he didn't present alternative viewpoint or explain why what I was thinking wasn't true though, so he didn't convince me otherwise, but I haven't read the book yet. See, the problem I was having is if you have a universe, or some sort of THING, that has a tendency to spontaneously create something out of nothing, then that's not really nothing now is it?
See, the idea of nothing is actually hard to comprehend. This is one of those things I would think about from time to time when I was younger because everytime I would think about it it would blow my mind a little bit and it felt cool to have my mind blown. If nothing at all existed, there wouldn't just be no matter or atoms or particles, there would be no empty space, there would be no consciousness, anything that you can think of that you could tie a word to would not be. Nothing ever was, nothing would ever be. Now, as a kid I was an atheist, so I didn't use God as the answer to the question of why there was something (I sort of do now though). But for reasons I could not comprehend, there was something instead of nothing.
Now, I was talking to my dad about stuff related to these matters, and about souls and shit. So my dad is an atheist, but I'm not sure he actually believes that spirituality in any of its forms is all bullshit. What I mean is, I think he believes there is a spiritual aspect to humanity, which some atheists don't believe in. But the difference between the way the both of us think comes down to the fact that I believe the spiritual element that exists in humanity was present before the universe was created, and I think what he believes is that it was just a byproduct of life forms coming about.
The spiritual element of humanity is what I call "God." Some people I've found don't like that word, but they believe in what I'm talking about. Anyway, so my dad seemed to think that what I believed was weird. He asked me why I believed that, and I said, "I don't know that's just what I believe." He told me I should examine that belief. So I'm examining it right now.
So what I believe is that spirituality isn't a byproduct of science, but science is a byproduct of spirituality. Spirituality not meaning religion but just plain spirit and awareness. So as I'm sitting here I'm thinking, the physical world isn't really real, the only thing that's real is spirit. And it all comes down to my worldview, but it's more than just a worldview, is a universeview or existenceview. The idea is that we live life to experience and grow in spirit (at this point I'm reminded that a lady at the holistic fair was telling me that we don't come to Earth to learn necessarily, unless we want to). My thoughts are kind of scattered right now, actually. For some reason I'm thinking that the nature of the Earth is to flow from primitive or evil to good. That seems like kind of a weird claim. I remember I took an online BYU class once and the teacher, who was probably Mormon, made that same claim. Anyway, the reason it does this is because of the innate spirituality of the universe, and the fact that it favors good.
For some reason though, this seems like a pretty weak argument. I may touch upon this subject again later, I have to go to class soon.
I started reading the book, but this guy kept texting me and it was distracting. In the preface, the author did address the problem that I had in my mind with his theory, he didn't present alternative viewpoint or explain why what I was thinking wasn't true though, so he didn't convince me otherwise, but I haven't read the book yet. See, the problem I was having is if you have a universe, or some sort of THING, that has a tendency to spontaneously create something out of nothing, then that's not really nothing now is it?
See, the idea of nothing is actually hard to comprehend. This is one of those things I would think about from time to time when I was younger because everytime I would think about it it would blow my mind a little bit and it felt cool to have my mind blown. If nothing at all existed, there wouldn't just be no matter or atoms or particles, there would be no empty space, there would be no consciousness, anything that you can think of that you could tie a word to would not be. Nothing ever was, nothing would ever be. Now, as a kid I was an atheist, so I didn't use God as the answer to the question of why there was something (I sort of do now though). But for reasons I could not comprehend, there was something instead of nothing.
Now, I was talking to my dad about stuff related to these matters, and about souls and shit. So my dad is an atheist, but I'm not sure he actually believes that spirituality in any of its forms is all bullshit. What I mean is, I think he believes there is a spiritual aspect to humanity, which some atheists don't believe in. But the difference between the way the both of us think comes down to the fact that I believe the spiritual element that exists in humanity was present before the universe was created, and I think what he believes is that it was just a byproduct of life forms coming about.
The spiritual element of humanity is what I call "God." Some people I've found don't like that word, but they believe in what I'm talking about. Anyway, so my dad seemed to think that what I believed was weird. He asked me why I believed that, and I said, "I don't know that's just what I believe." He told me I should examine that belief. So I'm examining it right now.
So what I believe is that spirituality isn't a byproduct of science, but science is a byproduct of spirituality. Spirituality not meaning religion but just plain spirit and awareness. So as I'm sitting here I'm thinking, the physical world isn't really real, the only thing that's real is spirit. And it all comes down to my worldview, but it's more than just a worldview, is a universeview or existenceview. The idea is that we live life to experience and grow in spirit (at this point I'm reminded that a lady at the holistic fair was telling me that we don't come to Earth to learn necessarily, unless we want to). My thoughts are kind of scattered right now, actually. For some reason I'm thinking that the nature of the Earth is to flow from primitive or evil to good. That seems like kind of a weird claim. I remember I took an online BYU class once and the teacher, who was probably Mormon, made that same claim. Anyway, the reason it does this is because of the innate spirituality of the universe, and the fact that it favors good.
For some reason though, this seems like a pretty weak argument. I may touch upon this subject again later, I have to go to class soon.
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