Near Delusional Ramblings on God and Humans

So I'm sitting here after class thinking some more. I'm asking myself, what makes me think the alternative to God is nothing? Maybe it is everything. Maybe all things exist at all time, every single possibility imaginable and even those unimaginable. It exists outside of time so it is funny that I referenced time. That means that in one of these universes God must exist, because I can imagine God. And it's funny because just yesterday my dad and I were talking about how Descartes made this argument and about how it was a weak argument. But it only works if everything exists. And it doesn't mean that God exists in this universe, maybe a parallel universe. I don't know.

Okay, so here's what I'm thinking now. Everything that exists is thought. The great mind of God thought everything into existence. At the core of humanity is awareness, or God, or me. And when I say me I mean, the feeling I associate with myself. That's what I think of when I think of the beginning of existence. I think of myself.

If I were to explain further this theory on thought I would just be spewing unoriginal ideas that I read from a book, in particular "Manifesting Change."

There is nothing more powerful than my soul. But since I am also human, I am in a weakened state.

Which reminds me of something else my dad and I were talking about. I mentioned that the human soul desires connection and bonding and unity. I also mentioned that this urge could be seen as evolutionary, as we evolved this way because people who stuck together tended to survive. But I told my dad that the desire to connect was a spiritual soul urge and not an evolutionary human urge, I mean in a way it's both because they fit together, but the origin is spiritual. I said something like that. My dad said it was kind of silly.

It works like this: we are souls first. But once we become human, we are humans first, souls second. But it depends on the person which one they place first. I place soul first, but then I break down and place human first.

And now I'm thinking, I could argue that we crave spirituality because we have that soul urge for more than the human world. But I know evolutionary people would argue with me. Some would say that it is just a way to deal with the realization that we are mortal. But that's not all it is for me. It's a hell of a lot more than that to me.

 What the human desires is survival. So why does it desire spirituality? I can answer that, what human desires isn't actually survival! It's pleasure and comfort!

Maybe the desire for spirituality all comes down to the desire to have your mind blown, because it's pleasurable.

Narcissism of the Spirit

First off, the reason I am talking about this is because it is something I personally struggle with. Here we have some of my perhaps incoherent musings on souls and existence.

Self-esteem is a tricky subject. If yours is too low there's really no way you can go through life being happy. But if you have high self-esteem does that mean you think you are better than other people?

Because let's face it, if you thought were merely average in every way, you probably wouldn't feel that good about yourself. Or if you felt you were above average in some ways but that the areas you were below average in outweighed the areas you were above average in, or they cancelled each other out, you wouldn't feel that good about yourself either. You need to feel like you are in general above average. Problem is, only half the population is above average.

In order to be healthy, you have to break the competitive mindset and focus on unity. You have to feel that you are a member of the group, the family of humanity, and that you contribute something unique to the group yet you are no better than anyone else in the group. But the tricky part is that you have to really believe that, not just say you believe it.

Because the truth is, or rather, my current understanding of the truth is, all souls are equal. Because your physical attractiveness isn't who you are, you're intelligence isn't who you are, nor is your sense of humor. Who you are is your soul and the knowledge that it contains. Not the knowledge that your brain contains, but that your soul contains, which transcends death. Some souls are further along in the process of knowledge acquisition than other souls. Some souls move along at a faster pace than others. This is their own choice and doesn't mean they're better. Being an old soul doesn't mean your soul is better. We are all merely a different piece of a shattered whole, and there is distance between us and other people and we strive to make that distance smaller.

But we have to be competitive to survive, and when you find yourself winning it's extremely hard to view all people and their souls as equals, because some of us have more advanced souls and we all have unequal temporary earthly traits. I know that I for one suffer from narcissism of the spirit.

And if you do suffer from this, you better not let it show. Because people don't like people who seem to think that they're better than other people, or who admit to it. Which I just sort of did. God dammit.