Spirit Humor

Spirit humor. Spirit humor is the willful exaggeration of a known fun idea. At least, that is how the spirits define it. They do not understand why things are funny, but they are. You think about humor too much, analyze it, it is mean to the spirits, because they do not understand why you are reading your mother's diary of worry. Ba doom cha!

The reason this is funny, is because my mom is going to read this, and worry. That's not it.

I was watching the movie The Giver. There was a part at the beginning that was funny. Where the main character, who could only see black and white, could suddenly see the color in his gal pal's hair. I started laughing, and my mom shushed me, because this wasn't a funny part. But the reason it was funny was, the classic idea of when a man is interested in a woman, and how he sees things about her in vivid, wondrous detail, like the color of her hair. It is an idea that doesn't exist as much as they try to pretend like it does, but it means it is true that women are pretty. That is it.

Another joke that is spirit humor is in the Hunger Games. When Katniss and Peeta are in a compromised position, in the arena, and they kiss, and then it is broadcasted to where Gale is watching. This was a funny as fuck moment, because they are not really in love, they are just pretending, but only the two of them know that, and they are instead told they are not the ones who are in love, the capital is in love with the idea of love, and the two of them riot and change the world.

When I am talking to my spirit guides, through out the day... it is this little running joke to say, after every situation, "that was spirit humor." Something about that is, a good portion of the time, it actually is, but usually is not. So I have to ask, was that spirit humor? Usually, I know it isn't. Sometimes, it is. Sometimes, it is spirit sarcasm. Sometimes, it is spirit wisdom. Other times, it is spirit wit.

Sometimes I imagine funny situations in my head. The other day, my dad was going to give me my meds. I told him he could place them in the bathroom, and I would take them when I got the chance. In my mind, I imagined him going in the bathroom and placing them directly in the trash can. Because that is where they were going to end up. Not because I would actually put them there, I would have taken them, but because that's where he expected I would have placed them had he let me take them by myself. Spirit humor, baby, spirit humor.

My book has lots, lots, lots and lots, of spirit humor.

Mourning the Death of the Normal, Boring Rachel

So, I am done with the bullshit Zuhl household. They say, "Ra-chel!" (really whiny voice). "You still have symp-toms!" Really whiny voice.

And I say, mother dear, what are my symptomes? And she says, the talking, talking, talking to yourself! We need a med change! MED CHANGE!!!

Well here's news for you, Beevely Bee. I am not about to stop talking to myself. Talking to myself is both how I channel, and integrate my mind thoughts together with one another. Without the incessant chatter, I would be completely subdued to the point where I would not be able to act. So, if that's what you want... go right ahead. If we are so fucking fixated on, "normal..." What the fuck is normal? Do you love me, Beev? Do you want me to be happy? If you did, you would just understand that the incessant chatter is a part of life.

Drugs ain't gonna fix that, baby. The only drugs that will fix that are ones that decrease IQ to the double digits. Is that what you want, Beev? To mold your daughter into what you want her to be? To unkink the kinks? JUST GET USED TO IT!!!

I'm done with this. I'm not going to stop talking to my spirit guides. No, when I talk, I am not talking TO THEM!!! I AM TALKING TO MYSELF SO I KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SAYING!!!! There we go. There we go. There we go!

I am done with this household. It is never going back to the way it was before, Beev. So why don't you go out into your garden, and cry. Cry, cry, cry. Cry about the death of your only daughter, Rachel. The mental death. Cry about how your daughter, and your life, will never be the same. Cry, cry, cry about how Innercept failed you, didn't do what you wanted, instead, made your daughter a hooligan. Cry, my dear, "loving" mother, cry. She is gone. Your daughter is gone.

Another thing is, she is not gone!! I am here! I am fine! I talk to myself! GET USED TO IT!! Stop tampering with my brain!!!! STOP TAMPERING WITH MY BRAIN!!! It is sick and tired of you trying to force chemical hooliganisms it does not need!! You don't know shit!! The doc knows nothing!!! Winkleman knows nothing also!! No one does!!!

I NEED DOPAMINE DAMMIT!! STOP TRYING TO SUPPRESS THE DOPAMINE!!!

Psychics and Charlatans

So I wanted to take a moment to discuss the charlatan aspect of the psychic profession.

Many a psychic is a charlatan. Many a charlatan is not a psychic. Because if you are a charlatan, you are not psychic.

It is true, what they say about quackery in the field of psychics and the paranormal. People pretend, because they can. Because the people who talk to psychics sometimes tend to be trusting and gullible.

I was like this one time, one time far, long, way too long ago. Back when I had misconstrued ideas and was in an altered gullible state. At least that's what someone told me, someone I love very, very much, one of my spirit guides. Being delirious makes you extra gullible.

Charlatans tend to hide online and on the psychic hotlines. There are real ones there, not very good ones, not ones worth talking to... and then there are those that just completely fudge everything and take a long time, trying to draw every last nickel and dime out of you.

But, however, as my spirit guides informed me, usually psychics who have there own practice, they are usually not charlatans. However, sometimes they are something else entirely. They are mediums. Mediums who do not know who they are talking to when they channel.

I have this problem, all the fucking time when my body gets off balance. I start trying to channel, and they start telling me something off... not necessarily though, sometimes they try their best but then I am like wait a minute, that sounds off. Then I realize I may not be talking to who I want to be talking to. So I ask. "Do you know what you are talking about?" "This is someone who does not know." They always tell me that. However, right now my guides are telling me they are not required to tell me that, and I think I remember in the past they have not always. Usually, there is something off about it when I am not talking to the right one.

Some of these psychics, however, often times channel unsavory spirits. Like Renee, my mother's trusted beloved psychic. She channels bad spirits. She doesn't know it. She gets enough right to make her well known.... but if she worked hard on figuring out who she is actually talking to... maybe she could be better, instead of giving my mom crappy advice all the time which she does not take with a grain of salt, because a psychic said it, and if a psychic said it, it is true.

Celebrity psychics are always real psychics. If they make it that far, it means they have a gift. Period. Sylvia Browne had some unsavory elements to her.... and she didn't always channel correctly either. Like, I read in her book that she said spontaneous human combustion happens when you get too much phosphorus in the body. My guides told me that what they probably meant to say was that something could happen if you get a shit, shit load of phosphorus in the body, like you suddenly took to scarfing boxes and boxes of matches. But that has never happened before. Ever. People who have claimed to witness spontaneous human combustion are lying. It is not real. It is not real. It is not real.

But that is normal, all in a day's work for a psychic. There are miscommunications. It is a difficult form of communication, mediumship. Kind of like communicating with aliens. We speak a similar base language, but that's not English.

I was talking to Matthew yesterday. He told me he didn't believe that Sylvia Browne was real, because she told someone that she thought someone was dead when they were actually still alive. Well, big whoop. It comes with the territory. You get an inkling. It could be correct or incorrect. You pick up on energy. Sylvia isn't a good psychic for work in that field. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone gets more than a few things wrong from time to time.

My guides lie to me all the time, actually. They say it's for my own good. Sometimes they are just joking, like they choose a funny explanation over the real one, with questions that don't really matter at all, and then when I bring it up later they tell me the truth.

But anyway, what I was saying was, there are a lot of misconceptions about psychic abilities. One is that they should always be 100% accurate. Like, it is some sort of authoritative ability with the all-knowing power of God. I kind of hate it how they act like psychics are supposed to be all-knowing.

Guides lie. You talk to someone else's guide, sometimes they sugar coat, or don't tell you the entire story to protect their "client." More often than not though, guides just don't know. They don't know everything. They are just spirits. They know some things. They will give you an educated guess. A very educated guess sometimes. But, they don't really know about a lot of things.

Psychic abilities are real, bitch. They are not always correct. Charlatans exist. Bad psychics exist. You take it with a grain of salt.