Dark Duo of Infamy's Plot to get Rachel Back on Depakote, Foiled By Brain

The Dark Duo of Infamy plot psychological warfare against Rachel, seeing her as an easy target because she had a trauma-induced response to Jason's insults that is very easily triggered. So, they plot together, laugh and plan to get her hospitalized and back on Depakote. Depakote is a drug that made Rachel depressed, turn to drugs, and her hair fall out, with no benefits whatsoever. The doctors say we ALWAYS "err on the side of caution" and prescribe it anyway, just in case. Always, no exceptions or trials. However, Rachel is doing so well off Depakote, she undeniably does not need it, as hard as the Dark Duo of Infamy might try. Spells, witchcraft, but Rachel has a speedy hold-back reaction and strong psyche stuff. Recently, they thought it would be a good idea to send a message with the most raging insults possible. It came with a horrifying picture. But Rachel's quick thinking saved the day! She took the picture, thought about posting it on Facebook with a caption, accessed "mission algorithms" instead of normal brain racking, and... Dismissed the idea, decided against it, all while listening to the song "Man on the Moon" by R.E.M., a perfect song for memory repression. The memory was cleanly repressed in the process, Rachel went back to the conversation, didn't re-read what he said, and Jason sounded dumb with everything else he said and Rachel laughed and went about her day. She remembered "he said something sort of rude and sounded very stupid, and obviously was not doing well." For that reason, Rachel hardly cared, as she's not interested anyway, except for a temporary friendship before she can finish the mission. Recently, Rachel went back and re-read the message. She couldn't believe her eyes! I didn't remember him saying that at all! It was funny though, because the repression process was finished, and enough time had passed after the spells had been stopped by God that Rachel didn't have the same sort of feelings of emotional connection with him anymore. Rachel behaved normally, ate her vegetables over and over again, worked out, and was doing well! Depakote and hospitalization weren't even considered. Yet, the world is not at peace, since the Dark Duo of Infamy is free, and global warming has not been fixed.

Stuff To Share With Friends and Followers

My guides pointed out casually to me while I was watching television, "Hey, someone said something hateful to you on Quora the other day and you didn't even notice." Huh? "You should have cared but you didn't." I was supposed to care? "No, an enlightened person doing the mission wouldn't have cared. Just pointing out, that was you're first experience with hatred." Literally? No, but... I'm not going to point out what it was I didn't care though, there is an obvious excuse for that situation. I don't think there is a lot of stuff that wouldn't break Quora rules (whatever they are, I'm sure they have rules) that would bother me. Something else that happened, it wasn't really that interesting to me it was just something that happened. Actually, a joke about my situation in general... To go off on a tangent, it came up when I was "talking" with Zuck. "There was a girl I was living with (almost alone for quite a long period of time) at Innercept who had an obsession with Temple Grandin, and it's sort of interesting that she got to live with me. Maybe that's not that interesting. I don't remember much about who Temple Grandin is, I remember she had a book called 'Thinking in Pictures.'" And... At some point, I got a "response from Zuck." "Rachel, I didn't buy that excuse that you didn't know enough about Temple Grandin to know if that was interesting or not, Rachel you're over-stimulated." "Well, I was.. Thinking you had to know the girl... She has Asperger's that involves obsessive interest in topics.. You're right, Zuck." Another thing I'm thinking is that if you're new to my blog, skip this post. There was someone who started harassing my sister, who referred to me as "low-key crazy." The only thing I could gather from that was, "if she shows this to you, no offense Rachel." And it comes up... There may be things Kristen has done that people would find annoying, but she doesn't deserve any more pain than she already is in. This is a situation you should leave alone. And it goes without saying I would say that, doesn't it? She demands from me, "Why? Why? Why? Why do they do this?" And... She had an explanation which Subbie said, in a private conversation with Conscie, "Let her learn the hard way that THAT'S not true." There were two reasons I was thinking about why she would demand an answer like this, and the one I'm going to say is, "What the hell is wrong with people? Why do you think causing me more pain is funny?" And I don't know why she thinks I have the answer. And it makes me go off on a tangent, which is why the hell does the Suicide Couple wish me harm? Why would taking advantage of the Facebook engram be funny? I guess if I got beat up, it would also be funny, I guess. But hey... THESE PEOPLE WOULD THINK IT WAS FUNNY IF I KILLED MYSELF TOO. AHHH... At any rate... It came up at one point that there may be a misunderstanding that it makes me feel stupid when they do that, and that's not the case. No, the Facebook engram being activated doesn't make me feel stupid, it makes me go into survival mode... Not rational thinking... "QUICK! KILL YOURSELF!!! AHHHH!!!" And... If it gets activated that bad it creates a fixation on suicide that doesn't go away until you attempt, so... Good thing I attempted. Yay! That was the ironic thing, it fixed the problem. That one time. Anyway... In conclusion, the Suicide Couple might not actually LAUGH if I killed myself, the quote would be, "Good riddance." The Facebook engram comes with the territory and that's understood. It doesn't make me feel stupid. It comes with the territory of the mission. We went off on a tangent though.. No what was the reason they wish me harm again? They want me to gain weight. That's the new reason. It's come up, so that's what it is. No wait! It was... "In a mental hospital, fat, catatonic, rolling around in her own filth, sucking her thumb." THAT is the goal of the Suicide Couple. You heard it from me, folks. Doot do doo! Worst people in the world! Anyway... So I explained to Kristen what Bill O'reilly says about "Death Threat Mills." Who the fuck are these people? Why do you have such a vested interest in killing me? That's the eternal question, Kristen... The other thing about the situation, which is self-explanatory, it IS both funny and true, but when it becomes true, it's no longer funny. That's the thing! It's funny UNTIL it's true! What was the other thing? Potential problem in pursuing friendships: Mundane issues might not captivate me. That's one thing, besides the obvious seeming nutso at first glance. The other thing is... Things work out, no biggie. You can talk to me about mundane issues, I'll think about them anyway. Just, I'm overstimulated is the thing. And... You forget about it because hey, what do you do with your time, Rachel? My answer? "I work out." Yes. And... What is the fucking Suicide Couple's problem? Well, they hate the Earth. That's the issue here. They hate the planet. I wouldn't assume they would care if the planet blows up after they die.

Why Would I Consider Suicide If It Were So Clear-Cut?

Why? Sometimes, I'm not thinking clearly. Reasoning about matter such as life, "Rules of the world say if this happens, this is what it means." If there is a miracle brain situation where your brain works in a new way that defies logic, it must be paranormal, yes. Clearly it's paranormal, yes. Sometimes I might not be sleeping well, and... I don't know what is supposed to happen. Humans say, "PLAN!" I'm not allowed to plan all that much, and that drives me MAD. What's going to happpen? Well that's great that you had your brain rewired Rachel but this is going down the tube, this situation... And you start wondering, why would (lots of situations fit) happen if I were on a mission? Why would I be drinking at a bar most days? And then sometimes, you're not sleeping... And then you can't think clearly, and sometimes you almost say FUCK IT, I'll just leave behind a book series and they can think about the precious brain situation... And sometimes, the brain situation becomes boring. Yes, boring. Except... Well, yeah Subbie said something there... But I almost forget how weird it is, it's normal now. And I have to remind myself of the poignant parts. And even then... Mental breakdown could be eminent... I stand alone, the only other human who confirmed my reasoning called me mentally ill... Sleep, sleep, sleep it off. I would not become suicidal again now, let me tell you.

The Best Party Like Jesus Story Which Didn't Make the Cut

Shortly after I came down with a set of grandiose delusions... Yeah, I would say grandiose. I had to sit spring term of college out, so my mom was going to Indiana to visit family and mushroom hunt, so I went along. And we visited someone random who happened to have a dog named Sophie, and that situation didn't make the cut because that wasn't all that interesting either, ooh, a dog named Sophie, unique! So, my mom usually didn't complain much about how I wouldn't take the medication that at one point I took and started to get horrific "flashbacks"... No, just plain old anxiety thinking about a past life situation that didn't even happen to me, I know now. And you know, I was just thinking about what a airplane crashing through the roof of a mall would actually be like, and the thought got so intense I started panicking, so yeah, I didn't want to take the medication anymore. Right in front of me, my mom says to my Grandma Keister, "Can you please have a talk with Rachel about how she should be taking her medication?" "Oh, I don't know that situation I don't want to be part of it..." "Please?" "Well, Rachel! I take medication too! It helps my conditions I have!" And she gave me a big fake smile, and my mom turns to me and says, not in jest, "She has wisdom, you know?"

The "Other" Grandparent: Ole' Sandy

It came up today randomly, when a younger male family member called out to me. "What about Grandma?" I don't know if something weird's going on, if I remember correctly her birthday was the anniversary of the stock market crash, and she died around the end of 2016 when my dad was distracted by something else. She told me something random when I was watching television at my parent's house, and I said huh, that's the weirdest thing I've ever heard in my life. Everything seems like that when I am talking to the spirits though, a lot of times (or Subbie, but those things happen at the same time always). I hated Grandma Sandy when I was in preschool, no I didn't hate her at all, just thought she was annoying meanie weanie woo, or actually... I don't remember why. I don't remember anything about why I didn't like her, but I didn't. So at the preschool graduation, we all had to wear little paper graduation hats, and I remember I thought the hat was dumb looking so I tore it up afterwards... And we had to do a dance, and I watched Grandma the entire time, and whenever she looked my direction, I did a dumb mocking dance, mocking her. "You deeply regretted that and you were very embarrassed, that was understood at your high school graduation. It was unspoken." She told me. I said "huh, you're right! I never even thought of that..." What was the exchange between us? The only one, I think? "So this is it," Grandma said. "Yes, it is." That was the exchange. Reference to, this is the real significant graduation now huh, and naturally you thought about that incident and regret it terribly and you wouldn't act disrespectful to your grandma. The other thing I would point out is it didn't take very long after preschool to figure that out, either, maybe a year or two. What was I thinking? The blogging website won't let me do paragraph breaks, I'm too lazy to figure this out... So, anyway, she pointed something out to me, since, I didn't get around to grilling her before, or she didn't want to talk, or whatever... You were the child who was "precious." And she says that with tears, and she always knew. And that's the parental pitfall. That's the trap! That's the trap! And it's something I experienced when pregnant, thinking about my own child, I can relate. You want everything, EVERYTHING, to be perfect about that child's life. No pain, no suffering, no hardships... No lessons about how... Even your idols have things that disappoint you about them. You want everything about that child's life to be love and peace and tranquility in their youth, and then they go on to rule the world with a strong mind, an iron fist, and a heart of gold. But that's not how it works. That's not the right way to raise children. You thought you knew that, did you? "Well you don't give into temper tantrums." Yes, and that's not the only thing, and it's not as simple as oh, tantrum, the answer is no most of the time. THAT'S not effective parenting. Just telling you this now, and no, I (Rachel) am not pregnant... Dun dun dun... Dun dun dun... DUN. DUN. Doooo....

Inner Child's Got You Lassooed Around The Ankles

That's a quote from a psychic I heard one time. Do I talk to psychics, even though I am psychic? Yeah, very rarely, but sometimes. There was one I saw awhile back at New Rennaissance Bookstore, not the Archturian guide one... She did an Angel Card or some sort of other card reading for me, and that's what she said. I thought she was the real deal, real enough to be doing what she was doing at least. Of course, when I'm having a good day, I'm better, but yeah. It was good. What's the issue at hand? I'm worried about opposition to me, in my position, for those of you who know what I'm talking about, as most should. Someone very special said about the situation, Subbie informed me: "Yes you do. Oh, you do. You do want opposition. You just don't know it yet! Yes, that's the inner child having you lassooed around the ankles... You are so worried about holding your own in situations where you are face to face with people who oppose you, due to not being bullied or picked on in school... You don't know, you like it and you want it." Anyway... What's the subject at hand? I was riding on the bus in the area, and I saw a sign on the church, part of it said, "We believe Jesus bodily rose from the dead." Which... Potentially could be a reference to something I said? If you are new to me and my situation, don't make assumptions that I'm crazy here, just sayin'. Yeah, could be a coincidence. I had a hunch they weren't being mean though, was something I was thinking... There is a place on my blog where I say, I think Jesus rose from the dead in a form that was more solid than a ghost. Something I wanted to point out, there was some reference to my old Bible study in Coeur D'Alene having something to say about this situation. That means in person, but what I was thinking it was was, you know... That's a funny topic actually. If you think about things, that's probably what it was, but a lot of Christians have a very strange attitude about how you MUST believe his body rose from the dead. That detail is just so unbelievable important to some people. It struck me that this might be a misunderstanding about the way (I believe) things work. First of all, what are ghosts like? Actually, what they say in movies is true. A lot of times, they don't even know they are dead. They are stuck in some sort of strange mental state that is very discombobulated and not all that intelligent. If the spirit of the ghost is intelligent, sometimes the ghost can say something intelligent. In general though, ghosts are dumb. Dumb as fuck. Sometimes they realize they are dead, but the part of the mental capacity used to assess the situation is compromised, kind of like a dream-like state. My belief system about Jesus Christ... For one I think it was probably the weirdest thing that ever happened, in history. There was a big difference between the form Jesus was in when he rose from the dead, and a ghost. I don't think you would be able to touch Jesus in this state. You might not know the difference between him and a living person, and he was very coherent and just as intelligent as he was when he was alive. That's what I believe. So, if you believe I go to hell for not thinking his body rose too... It was a miracle nonetheless, this was not a normal occurence, obviously. And by the way, geez, is this something you want to think? That if you don't accept Jesus as your savior, you are going to hell. I mean, I didn't actually ask the religious establishment exactly what they believed, but damn that's a belief that's depressing and kind of dumb, honestly, but you better believe me when I say I forgive Christians for having this belief. I just do. That is what the Bible says, and there is something weird about this weird ass Bible book. There was just something weird about Jesus and the Bible, I agree. And if an authority tells you something... And you've been told that all your life, yeah, you might be hesitant to drop that belief a the drop of a hat. And I'm not Jesus. Nope. Not Jesus.

Suicide, Drugs, Changed Perspectives

I feel really uneasy about having any sort of "promotional" attitude at all about meth. Subbie just keeps saying, no I liked that one, no I liked that one, no I liked that one... (those Facebook statuses, I mean) How many people do I know on the other side who didn't regret committing suicide? It came up recently, just two, down from three. There was a woman, I never met her she was my sister's friend, Lorian. Just an everyday schmoo, not famous. She committed suicide awhile ago. Immediately afterwards, my sister went to the trusted family psychic Renee, because Kristen (my sister) wanted to know how she felt about the suicide and if she regretted it. Lorian said, "Death is no big deal." Just something she was thinking, natural part of existence. And then Renee wizzed her through a whole buncho of comments and things Grandma and Grandpa and relatives wanted to say, and Kristen was left without answers to the question she wanted to know, did Lorian regret it? Before it came up that Lorian didn't but Kristen would and she didn't want to tell her that. Just recently Lorian pointed out to me, it's not that clear-cut at all. Actually, she does regret it. Yes she does. Just sometimes, she doesn't know. Actually, what she said was, "I wish instead of killing myself that night I had gone out and tried meth." Yes, she regrets it. There's a collective unconscious story, it was actually represented in a movie that was popular when I was in seventh grade and I don't remember the name of the movie. It was a fantasy movie, and there are two "unattractive" peasants, a woman and a man, who have a wish granted that they become beautiful. I don't remember what happens next, but eventually the spell is taken off, they go back to looking the way they did before, and they look at each other and ask each other, "Am I still beautiful?" And they both tell each other yes. It's a reference to a collective unconscious story about when doing a drug once can sometimes make a breakthrough change in your perspective and the way you think. There's a collective unconscious story for that situation. So, Lorian also regretted killing herself. That's the "doot doot doot Lorian news update doot doot doot."