Facebook, or should we say Furbook?

Mark Zuckerberg was driving along the freeway one night in the pouring rain. He saw a furry blob on the side of the road and gasped. It was a dying kitten!

Mark pulled over his Rolls Royce and plucked the dying kitten from the storm draining. It was black and yellow striped, beautiful on the outside and in, and mewing pitifully.

"Hear hear, kitty kitty." Mark mewed. "Just because no one else in the world loves you doesn't mean I don't love you."

It was exactly like a scene out of the childhood game Rachel's sister and Rachel used to play as a kid in the shower, little bunny in the cold. Mark plucked a dying kitten out of the storm drain and nursed it back to health.

At home, Mark hosed of the kitten in the shower and fed it some chopped up mouse pieces. The kitten learned Mark's name, Mar-kus. It purred Marks name.

"Mar-kus. Mar-kus. Mar-kus." the cat spoke rhythmically.

Mark was taken aback and stared, transfixed. "Yes Rachel?" He had named the cute little kitten Rachel.

"Mar-kus. I am Ray-shull. I want to tell you about the secrets of the universe."

Mark gave Rachel a strong cup of coffee, and Rachel perked up and groomed her whiskers, that kissed Mark on the cheek playfully.

"I come from a faraway land. Ten thousand, twenty-three million years ago, God took a match and lit it. That was the big bang.

"As the universe grew, it began to engulf all other flames in God's heart. He named this new universe Earth's beginnings. Then, God's child touched the flame, and burnt his finger. At this point, God put the child to bed. In this moment, Earth was created. God named the planet Earth, as his child's name was Earth.

"Then, God put a spell on a woman, and she fell madly in love with her neighbor on Earth. This is Mark and Priscilla."

Mark stared at Rachel in disbelief. "Okay, time to lay off the catnip, Rachel."

"And I, I was there at creation. I incarnated on Earth as a modern day Jesus. That makes Mar-kus the elias and Priscilla his wife the great mother of the giving tree."

Mark kissed Rachel softly on the cheek. "Rachel, in your dreams does my wife Priscilla not love me for me, right, she had a spell cast on her..."

"Mar-kus. Mar-kus. Mar-kus. She loves you for that spot inside your soul only, that spot that labels you one of the Chosen Three. The Chosen Three are Rachel, Mar-kus, and Jason Farnworth."

"Don't bring Jason into this!" Mark screamed and reached for his pocket knife.

"MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!"

Mark laughed. "I'm sorry, Rachel. I thought you were being an insane bad kitten. Now I see you are just and eccentric good kitten. I didn't mean to threaten to harm an innocent creature with my temper. See, I come from a long line of angry men who do angry things like create enterprises. It takes an angry man to be successful."

"I know you are an angry man, Mar-kus. Now I am going to sing you a soothing melody to get you to calm down."

And Rachel started humming a tune, with a pulsating techno beat. Mark's eyes got big and he fell in love with Rachel.

Then the hands of God swiped over the area, and the two were separated semi-permanently. Rachel was given a home in a sinful atheist household in Portland, Oregon. She was fed more milk there than she needed.

When her paws were accustomed to the key board, she wrote Mark Zuckerberg a message on Facebook, asking for his paw in martiage. Mark looked it and laughed at the gibberish over and over and over again.

To this day, he still tells that story to his friends. How a cat wrote him a message on Facebook, pronouncing his name funny and asking for his furry finger to fit with a ring, and offering to lick the fur on the top of his head.

The Mysterious Bird Call

One day, Rachel woke up to the sound of a mysterious bird calling her name. She left the house in her frenzy.

As she walked, the spirits taunted her. They pointed fingers and made fun of her messy hair and fat belly. But Rachel continued to walk. And every time she turned, the turned in the right direction.

She finally made it to the coffee shop. There were reporters everywhere. "And Rachel Walks in!" The headlines read. Rachel had saved her village from eminent scurvy.

And everywhere that Rachel went, the paparazzi was soon to follow. And every time a boy said no to her, the boy next door held his hands behind his back while Rachel punched him in the nose.

Except Rachel didn't realize she was dreaming. When she woke for real, it was too the tweeting of a bird outside her window, and Rachel realized she really was on a mission to save the world from eminent destruction. She just had to fix the hole inside her soul first.

Many people were willing to help with that. Rachel had at first thought no one cared, but then it turned out, they were just intimidated and afraid to respond to her Facebook posts or message her on Facebook because Rachel demanded so much respect! When Rachel learned this, she breathed a sigh of releif. So people weren't so bad after her! The squirrels and the chipmunks surrounded Rachel laughed in a nervous way as Rachel ordered another beer, and used it to toast to the upcoming new age.

Rachel's favorite chipmunk was a chipmunk named Chance. He died prematurely of food poisoning after eating the wrong type of shroom at a party. He gave Rachel a pat on the back and told her she was worth more than she thought she was and that everyone on the other side loves her. Everyone cares very deeply and hope she doesn't try to hurt herself after her life becomes boring when the media stops paying attention to the Rachel Zuhl new story and instead starts focusing on the Iizzii new story.

And Then She Turns to God!

I tried to talk to my parents about my suicidal depression. My mom says, "You're not worthless, you are just ill." Well, I hate how I am called ill. It reminds me of the word sick. They are synonyms. And sick people molest children.

I don't really think I am ill, which means right off the bat that this conversation is not going to be productive. Through deductive reasoning, I conclude that the best solution is God. I ask my parents if I should turn to Jesus. My dad makes a noise like this is hokey and stupid. This pisses me the fuck off. I am being serious! Lots and lots of people find hope in Jesus. Maybe he is the answer?

My sister is no help either, as she is also not a believer in God. My mom says yeah she believes in God, but he is not a person. That basically means she doesn't believe in God!

As I have no realistic suicide plan that doesn't fill me with dread, I have decided to continue living my life instead of ending it.

As I write an email to a friend and talk to another friend online, I start to smell and taste and feel the chipotle pepper again.

Marbles Loose

I look into your eyes, and I see the soul that's locked within. Your brain fires, and your brain is topped with a wild wad of curly fur!

Ahoy hoy! The wall says to Rachel. Time to drown your sorrow in a bowl of strawberry ice cream!

But before Rachel can move, the floor starts to lurch! Rachel is thrown round and around the room, until someone random helps her out of her impending doom!

Hello, Rachel, it's your beloved friend Mr. X. Please get the ice cream as soon as possible! It helps prevent mental collapse!

Rachel leaves, and when she returns she falls out the open window! When she walks back inside, her friend Mr. X is busy in an important meeting.

But I love you, Mr. X! Please return to me! Rachel wails at the computer screen, at a mere picture of Mr. X. Mr. X does not return. Rachel screams and cries, and only the ice cream pats her on the back and tells her it's going to be all right.

Rachel then leaves her body for a walk. When she returns, the house has become a shack of doom. There are swords falling all over the place!

When Rachel gets up from her nap, she learns she has died and is now a ghost!

Indigo Children: The Vew-sings and Musings of the One Named Rachel

I believe in indigo children as a concept, and I believe what they say about both indigo children and crystal children and rainbow children are misunderstood as a concept.

However, I tend to believe that labeling your child as and indigo or crystal, or labeling yourself for that matter, or whatever... Is kind of elitest.

Like, this people are all around superior.

I was on one of those websites and I was laughing my head off about a concept called incarnated angels. There was a woman who supposedly saved a man from a dog, and she left right away before anyone could talk to her. Yet, she lived to tell the tale and wrote about it on the internet. This woman claimed that she was an incarnated angels.

Well I fit the mold too, one time at Jimmy John's I was off work and leaving when a frazzled starving man wandered in and I bought him a couple loafs of bread ( I like how Jimmy John's sells day old bread, follow suit Subway and sell day old cookies). I left right away before I could even see his reaction when they handed him the two loaves of bread because I was very very busy and stuff with mysticism. This qualifies me as a incarnated angel.

And I read what this woman said, voluptuous bodies and ideally proportioned faces. This is actually probably a sign that this woman is not advanced spiritually if her face and body are ideal because people who are more advanced are usually less attractive physically but obviously this is taken on a case by case basis.

Anyway, so I don't believe in rainbow children either. My guides point out there is some conversation they want to have with me about exactly what people mean by "rainbow" children and then why  it's another elitest label in both me and my guides minds.

Anyway, so I believe in it. I believe that several decades ago more advanced children started coming to Earth, and then we get a slightly more spiritually advanced populace waiting for the dawning of a spiritual revolution.

I don't believe they have some sort of beautiful eyes necessarily, I don't know if there is any truth to that theory at all that their eyes look any particular way.

The theory on these websites is, they have large blue eyes. Which leads to a giggle fest about the Aryan race.

What has gone wrong in our country?

Was it too soon for a black president?

This is a fucking annoying question for most people. No we are not racist we have no problem with the color of Obama's skin. But some might say, lack of enthusiasm about an outstanding president led to apathy in the 2016 election.

What I want to know is, did we as a country stop caring about the environment or something? So Donald Trump basically shuts down the EPA, appoints someone who doesn't believe in the department, and they withdraw a bunch of regulations. Do forty-five percent of the country really approve of Donald Trump's job performance? What happened to caring about the environment?

Or did Bernie Sanders garner too much support? Was the Bernie Sanders bandwagon too big, too strong, that when he lost the primary, his supporters flat out failed to get on the Hillary bandwagon? This is what I think.

And, I think there may be some truth that it was too soon for a black president. Obviously, me and everyone I know can handle a black man in the white house. I know that with my friends, for the people who didn't support Obama, it wasn't because he's black. But can I speak for everyone in the country?

The real answer is, I don't know, and I'm not really qualified to make a judgment call either way.

What I know is, I'm concerned about global warming. I'm concerned about a nation that has turned apathetic to environmental issues. And I'm concerned about North Korea.

Now, this is the thing that got me. Donald Trump met with Kim Jung Un, bla bla bla, Kim Jung Un smiled and said he would put a stop to his testing of nuclear weapons. Is anyone buying this? Two seconds later, there are some people in Norway nominating Donald Trump for the Nobel Prize. Now, woah woah woah, let's not get ahead of ourselves here. I find it hard to believe that Kim Jung Un is going to stop dealing with nuclear weapons right off the bat like that.

Treatment: A Serious Discussion

The first thing I wanted to get out of the way when discussing treatment, is the question of Adderall. I'm of the opinion that you don't just "go off" Adderall. If your child has grown up taking Adderall, the first thing you need to do in situations regarding impaired functioning is but him or her back on it. In my situation, this would have saved my parents a whole bunch of money because it was because I was off Adderall that they thought I was doing poorly. Not showering, not doing anything worthwhile with my time. A pill of Adderall and a little nudge back in the direction of school and I would have been back on my feet (we would have skipped the Geodon step).

What about situations where parents are having trouble with their kids, and they actually may need treatment? Well, I've heard good things about Wilderness. Every single person I talked to at Innercept about wilderness said it was helpful.

Of course, for the more indoor personality types, throwing your child out in the middle of nature is a step in the wrong direction. I personally would not have wanted to go to wilderness.

For super duper low functioning kids, a place in the ballpark of Innercept but not Innercept might be ideal. Kids with eating disorders benefitted from Innercept, I know that that should have been Innercept's specialty. Speaking from an honest perspective, the best thing about Innercept is the way they feed you. When I was there, I ate enough to lose weight without feeling like I was constantly hungry. They portion out the meals, using proper portion sizes. My only complaint is that there were a couple meals that could use improvement. For example, we could have had spaghetti with meat sauce instead of just noodles and tomato sauce. Also, there was this awful meal called mushroom stroganoff which was canned mushroom soup mixed with sliced mushrooms over a biscuit. For the price of the facility, they could have invested in a little bit higher quality fare. As in, more protein. Whenever I go to the hospital I have this same problem, but it was worse at Innercept. However, they are very willing to accommodate for individual protein needs, so you could probably request higher protein levels if you are on a work out regimen.

The thing I wanted to point out is, the value in a treatment center, in patient, apparently, is it keeps your kids from partying. Now, I'm not talking about young adults with drug issues, because that's a whole different boat. I'm talking about mental illness. It's my opinion that parents and treatment professionals always think you can't handle drugs when you can.

Like in my case. My parents look for a cause of my acting out. They turn to the energy drinks, the alcohol, the marijuana. I can handle all these things, and I speak the truth. I've actually not relapsed like my parents thought I did this year or last year. I was acting out in an attempt to be sent to the hospital, because there was something I was going to do at the hospital that I didn't end up doing. All three times that was the reason. It wasn't the drugs.

I've met patients who say they can handle caffeine and mean they can handle caffeine, but the adults around them say they can't. I trust the patients.

Anyway, where was I going with this? There's no reason to send your kid to a treatment center if their diagnosis is Asperger's. Eating disorders are helped by treatment centers like Innercept, both compulsive overeating and anorexia or bulimia (I kind of secretly appreciated the fact that they lock the refrigerators at Innercept, because I got so bored there I might have resorted to eating out of boredom). Bipolar disorder is not helped by treatment centers like Innercept. I personally did not get any mental illness education at Innercept, not that it would have mattered. Down the list of symptoms: Don't have it, don't have it, don't have it. Can't relate, can't relate, can't relate.

You know, I'm writing this, and I actually don't consider myself qualified to answer this question of what you do with troubled kids. I know that most of my friends at Innercept were too high functioning to be helped by that place.