Ruminations on Human Kindness

The thought that spurred this article was the treatment of the mentally ill. If someone feels mistreated by society, they get pissed off and take it out on society. Basic fact. I try my hardest not to return the disrespect to others that I have been given by life. I consider myself a kind person and... Anyway, what else? Bragging about being nice, huh? Well, currently I have so much pent up rage from my situation. It is starting to come to the point where I mess up frequently trying to hide it. "DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME TELLING YOU ALL THE TIME AT THE BEGINNING OF MY STAY AT INNERCEPT THAT IT WAS A BAD IDEA?! YOU DON'T?!" "Excuse me, sorry for yelling." I am always working on trying to improve myself. That's true. Do I feel compassion for others that is true? At the risk of sounding like a sociopath, which is a fear of mine in this situation that unknown strangers will perceive it that way... Actually, I'm concerned with the situation where there's this sense of always winning the better person contest in every situation. Wow, what a crutch! What if I didn't have THAT at least?! Maybe any comparison shouldn't ever come up at all between people. Complete apples and oranges, comparing people with each other. I remember what my guides said about the topic I don't like which is empathizing with humiliating situations when you were the victim of their hatred or blatant disrespect. "If you wanted to grow even more, which you do, you would understand something it takes wisdom to understand. In a subtle way, that implies you expected them to humiliate themselves because you don't have enough respect for them. You are supposed to feel let down. Now, what does the let down emotion (or whatever, thought process etc, I don't want to feel pain) actually look like? You figure that out." As an Early Virtuous Soul, I understand, as Jason pointed out, "That's the funny thing about them. They just hate pain. They hate the concept of pain and want to try to get rid of it." Most notably when it comes to others. In social situations, they would rather feel pain themselves then someone else, if possible. "Get rid of pain altogether. What a lovable quirk!" That's a quirk that dark souls like (to abuse, or Spirit Sex stuff). I see room for improvement in myself on the topic of treating others with TRUE respect. I already treat others with respect. But is the respect true enough? That's the question. I think I do but I could challenge myself to be more humble. That's what I'm thinking about. Simultaneously, I get treated with such disrespect on a regular basis that I wonder if these two things clash. However, if you want to know what I am working on the hardest, it is patience with the mindflip. There are things that are easy for other people's brains that are hard for mine. It seems unfair until you remember that getting frustrated or asking for help in a situation like this rubs people the wrong way. Something that probably happens plenty, I stumble in a situation that seems easy for other people and other people might think that was an embarrassing situation for me. Well, the mistake was forgivable because I understood it, but that might have looked weird to the other person and I keep thinking about that. There have been a grave number of situations with the mindflip where I have been misunderstood for that reason. I can't imagine how many soul traits you might grow in from working all the time trying to operate an "alien brain." For the time being, I have to push myself all the time, and one of those ways is to appear normal and not make ridiculous looking mistakes that others wouldn't make. All the times I could have possibly weirded someone out with something that was an issue due to the mindflip, makes my head spin and mind boggle. The blood pressure example is what spurred this thought process today, even though I think about it a lot. One time quite awhile ago, I think 2021 at Pearl House, I was being transported to the hospital and they took my blood pressure. It was 150 over something. I pointed out that was very elevated to me (weird even for the stress of the situation, but I don't know about that). The guy in the ambulance hesitated or responded with some social/emotional cue I don't remember now. I said quietly to myself, "blood pressure is a competitive thing." THAT RIGHT THERE. THAT COULD BE SOMETHING THEY HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH ME ABOUT, THAT COMMENT. Well, I made no assumptions about that guy it was a personal reminder that others have egos. Which is the actual point of annoyance, sometimes I forget that I have to take into account things about life that might be ego points. I thought nothing of this comment here, until I was being discharged from the ER the other day and it included a warning about high blood pressure (over 120). Okay... I get my blood pressure checked on a very regular basis and normal for me is low. You know, I almost wondered if they just said that in the report to mock me about that one time in the Ambulance. Why is 120 over whatever a problem given the very high stress level of the recent ER incident? No idea. No idea. They could have put that in the report just to mock me. That wasn't the worst part of the report though, it was there medication recommedations which I know were simply recommendations. Moving on. Does the Bible explicitly forbid making claims about your own character? No, I don't think it does. That's a situation I look back and think about. Relaying information, my spirit guides said I was a virtuous soul. So however people react... Well, what are they going to do? Sit around and mock/grumble in a giggle/hate fest. And if they actually grumble or take it out on me personally... I hypothetically grow even more in that trait. I don't regret saying that, though I think back and think huh most of the time you shouldn't point it out but I did... Indeed. However, the thing I worry most about is... The thing I worry most about is... I have to take a stand on a cause I think is stupid because well God clearly said so. And I can't prove that God said so. Right now.... Hallellujah praise Jesus! "Biding your time Jesus... Biding your time... The world is waiting."

Police, Providence ER, Are You Happy?

I'm trying to process what happened the other day. What I wanted to know is, after all has been said and done, are you happy? Did that situation make you happy? At the time, and afterwards? Are you satisfied? Was it worth it? I didn't know I was that hated by society. I am capable of dealing with the knowledge that yes Rachel, you are hated more universally than you assumed. Maybe I should not have called the police. Also, I tried calling other "support" people first. They did not pick up the phone. If they had picked up the phone, I might not have called the police. Too much stuff to say on this topic. My concern was if it is automatically assumed that I am lying about a health concern I express regarding medication, I don't want to deal with this place anymore. There's also the Zyprexa psychosis which might not be taken seriously because Rachel with your diagnosis that wouldn't happen. Zyprexa is not supposed to make you psychotic so we will not listen to that concern. That could be it, but that's not as important as... Yes, Trazodone causes me heart problems. You look up Trazodon online, it states very clearly that it can cause heart problems that require medical attention. On two separate occasions, I took Trazodone and had to endure a situation where my heart was scaring me and I was worried about it. So the police did come, yes. They already had a hold. And they had a nasty attitude about it. I begged and pleaded to them using emotion, please don't send me to the ER. So many reasons not too. But they were determined, and emotional pleases don't work. Then when I get there, apparently it's standard procedure to put me in restraints immediately. Did I do anything at all the indicated violence? No, they restrained me there, taunted me about how I had to lie down on the hospital bed in restraints. Why can't I sit up a little bit? BECAUSE I TOLD YOU TO. Lie down or they... Shove you back down on the bed repeatedly. Like that right there, I have no idea why it is important to them that I lie down on the bed instead of sitting upright slightly in restraints. They physically shove me down. On the way to the hospital, they taunt me about how I will also have to pay for this ambulance ride. I didn't say I was going to commit suicide. I said there is a 100% chance that I would regret committing suicide. Forget suicide entirely though, I do not want to carry out with a plan and I do not have a plan. See that right there... That traumatic experience is what you get for trying to advocate for yourself. What was the cause you were advocating for? Is it emotionally important to others in a really weird way like Bebe's boobs... NO RACHEL YOU DID NOT HAVE HEART PROBLEMS WITH TRAZODONE. That is important to all the people in your life, we will not accept that you had heart problems on Trazodone. And get this through your mind, the police are hateful and not your friends. And you have to be on medication that is detrimental or else we won't give you the time of day, no one will. What's my take? This is a "George Floyd" issue to me, once I get done drinking and feeling miserable over the topic. So police force and ER hospital staff, you got what you wanted. I asked for help, and you punished me for it. So I guess you are happy now. Are you?

The Jason/Rachel Relationship: The Worst Part of Everything

"So you had to take my death on faith. Hmm." Jason says. After all is said and done, and the friendship is done as God intended it to be... There's a part that bothers both of us. That said, it bothers him more now, but what a "stinker" of an issue. There was an occurrence all the way back in fall of 2019, that made Jason lose respect for me an maybe even stop liking me. On Kristen's good ole' Youtube channel, which I advertised on my Facebook page despite her warnings (my fault, right?), Kristen documented an incident in which the police were called to our house regarding me. Well, my dad thought I had drugged him. That's one thing that happened, and the police left immediately following the incident and my guides seem to think they thought I was innocent on this, which I was. I didn't drug my dad, my spirit guides put something in his system (means it's safe when guides do it). Would I have done that myself? Absolutely not. "I thought you gave your dad Geodon." "No. I would not have thought giving him anything at all was safe. And I don't know why you think I would have Geodon just sitting... Well, I guess you NEVER KNOW... You should know but you never know... I didn't, I didn't give him anything. This was an obnoxious occurrence to me to and it would definitely go against my moral values to drug someone. Jason sort of hated me after he watched this video that my lovely sister made, and well... There is some reason that you might take that at video at face value, not knowing that my guides do WEIRD THINGS... Weird things... Weird things... You know, I almost regretted telling Jason so many times, some of the things my spirit guides do are just so fucking weirdly obnoxious you have no idea. Because at the same time, there's also the factor of, "they're my friends... I am not even going to try to get rid of them... For the love of Elvis, stop going on about how I need to get rid of my guides!" Yeah, every once in awhile there's something that leaves me scratching my head that they do and annoyed as fuck. Well, you didn't think of that, did you Jason? Drugging someone else. "I wouldn't have thought they would have had that kind of power." Yes, they did. "The real issue that people wonder though, is why this occurrence went by quietly without an email to you. He never said anything at all to you about it." Yeah, I had no idea that was a big deal. Actually, I do think it would be a big deal had it been what actually happened... I didn't know he was watching my sister's Youtube channel, and he's psychic, and whatever I don't want to believe something that terrible. Was there anything I could have said to make him understand I was innocent? No, actually, and that's the thing. However... Vague speculation indicates it would have been easier to dismiss had it been addressed at the time, as opposed to never, or actually more specifically after his death. This has been bugging me, Jason more though, and he keeps bringing it up, and I'm like "Why are you here psychopath?" That's a situation with some edge to it, but I distract myself when it comes up by thinking about the funny part. Jason changed his "psychological model" of me when he saw that video. Jason admits, he is so fucking embarrassed about the impression he made every single second afterwards to me. The unfriending situation is ridiculously or superfluously stupid to him, now that he understands it fully. There was an assumption made about me that wasn't true, which was that taking advantage of a weakness in other people was something I consider "cool" or "edgy." "It was gag-worthy," Jason says. He's talking about thinking about me picture reading, thinking about the two of them laughing their heads off and at what? Jason agrees with me now, to say the least. The point of the drugging (they've put "drugs" in my system before, wish they would on command but they don't, no matter what I say) was to drive an edge into our relationship which had some staying power and just wouldn't quit, despite him being bad for me. I was hoping there aren't other people, or lots of people in the world, who have seen my sister's Youtube video and thought something bad about me because of that incident. My sins... Are between me and God, I guess. Not all that many, and God knew I would sin right there, but who's bragging? Anyway... (sorry).

Charlene Sabin: The Debacle

" " "Well, I didn't know that you REALLY didn't want the guardianship. I also didn't know that that situation in your life, the securing of the guardianship by your parents, would become the driving force of anger and rage that powers your entire existence practically . I didn't want to encourage the anger and loathing, aimed at your parents and at mental health professionals and most exclusively or predominantly psychiatrists. I didn't know you wouldn't react to a guardianship with anger if that was the case." " " WHAT?!?!? Do you lack empathy?! Open floor for discussion, (no one's perfect).

Extroversion: An Opinion

Friends accumulate. Need more. I can't deal without social interaction. Addiction to people in my face and all around me. You are an extrovert. You look cool. But... Hey, you know him? I do too. His name is J.C. Extroverts! Opinion! And clash! Yeah, so?

Jason Troy Farnworth Discusses "Rage Tolerance"

As the night settles, one thing after another, we come back to the abode and sit down with Jason Farnworth for a discussion. There was something he wanted to talk about about the "Facebook Hugh Issue." I say, it was all covered in Party Like Jesus though. All of that came up! I didn't know any of that was important and I understand the situation that the problem is no Rachel is subhuman. Okay Jason? I got the issue down pat! "No, no, no... This, this, this, this, this, and this from Innercept. I didn't understand a couple of these issues right here, okay. Umm." But, you know you know we know and all people know, people including and possibly but not always limited to Jason Troy Farnworth, understand that he is in charge always of getting his way and being on top and understanding everything and getting some sort of special important treatment and luxuries in life, duh. Says Rachel, scratching her head not understanding why he didn't know already it was all spelled out but it was Rachel and that was the reason he treated her that way. "Umm... No, this second suicide attempt, (to shorten the dialogue and stuff), what was the biochemically strange dark spot that came up right there and thing that would have prevented a suicide attempt. Also, a certain spirit saved your life there and intervened and got you to tell your dad and I didn't know that either, and that was important." "Why?" "Dunno, we'll discuss later. That's not it. I didn't want any part of the Hugh emotional internet mess. The underlying issue was that he said nothing ever, and that led to belief he, and later everyone, but mostly that person at the time and then me, didn't exist at all. And that was the underlying Facebook issue. Lack of personal existence of yourself." Hmmm. Why is that interesting? "Well, I thought that was sick to make a sick joke of that situation." Ha ha! We all thought so! YOU LOVE SICK! I know it! And you know it too! Go away! I already internalized subhumanness. "There's more though, okay." "No, you wanted to make fun of my weird issues no one understands in a way that was cruel and that was your point. Yes?" "Uh.." "Ha, I know, now back to reading the paper and talking to a mannequin! I will fight you off again next time you try to mutilate my body and live with mutilated body parts until they heal! And then some!"

Mental Health Problems Treated With Bogus Cures

We talk and laugh tonight, thinking about what is Rachel's biggest stress factor of the hour? The evil mental health system. Rachel says, "But the others... I don't have the diagnosed condition, but if you did..." Rachel is confused. Her guides laugh. "No. How often do you think it happens that people have aggression that is excacerbated by medication that reduces happy neurotransmitters?" Rachel stares. "More often than you can possibly imagine. It is more common than you would expect, even in your most intense nightmares." "That's why I'm on a God-ordained mission to fix the problem!" "Yes, of course Rachel." And then... But lock up the knives. Threat? No... If your parents lock up the knives the second you are diagnosed, it leads to internalization of the idea that you are considered a serious threat to society. And they told your mom to. And she didn't. "Wow what a great mother!" "Do you think so?" "No, I just think some people are stupider."